Fall 2010 - Asian University for Women

IN THE CLASSROOM 17
The Debate Over Marriage
An Access Academy class brings a variety of perspectives to the table during
a class debate on marriage.
The end of the school day at AUW is fast
approaching as throngs of Access Academy students
gather in the halls between classes and the
air is peppered with the sounds of chatter and
laughter. As afternoon nears, students contemplate
their schoolwork and extracurricular
activities, or perhaps an excursion outside to
enjoy the last days of winter in Chittagong, when
the days are balmy, the mosquitoes few, and the
nights cool.
“In developing countries, more than 60 million women aged 20–24
were married/in union before the age of 18. Over thirty-one million
of them live in South Asia.”
UNITED NATIONS CHILDREN’S FUND (UNICEF)
But before they can revel in sweet freedom,
there is still one more class to go. Ms. Tamanna,
a teacher of Bangladeshi descent who grew up
near Boston, explains the topic of the day: a
class debate on the merits of “arranged” versus
“love” marriages. She defines a love marriage as
a union in which a woman selects her own partner
and an arranged marriage as a union
organized by the couple’s parents.
The subject of marriage is a particularly relevant
one. To qualify for admission to the Asian
University for Women, students must be between
the ages of 17 and 25, and they must commit
themselves to five or six years studying away
from home at this age when many of their peers
are on the verge of marrying or indeed already
have. The pressure to marry poses a continual
challenge to AUW’s mission to extend higher
education to a part of the population that has
been historically underserved. According to
recent estimates by the United Nations Children’s
Fund (UNICEF), “In developing countries, more
than 60 million women aged 20-24 were married/in
union before the age of 18. Over
thirty-one million of them live in South Asia.”
(UNICEF estimates are based on Multiple
Indicator Cluster Surveys [MICS], Demographic
and Health Surveys [DHS], and other national surveys
from 1987-2006.) UNICEF also lists
Bangladesh, the University’s host country, as one
of the developing countries in which the majority
of women—60 percent—have married or
entered into a union by the age of 18. 1
That the young women in Ms. Tamanna’s class
have applied to AUW, let alone saying goodbye
to family members and moving to Chittagong,
would seem to indicate that these students have
already made the decision to put their education
before marriage. But in reality, marriage—be it
an arranged or love pairing—continues to arise
as a question mark among AUW’s students, many
of whom left boyfriends behind when they came
to AUW. Taking into account the one-year Access
Academy program, the three
years of undergraduate education,
and the two years of
graduate study, AUW students
can commit to as many as six
years in an international setting.
A number of students matriculate
to AUW from another university
(19 percent, according to a 2010
student survey), which only extends the number
of years they must commit to earning their
degrees. Upon graduation, AUW students may
find themselves well beyond the expected marrying
age and face additional pressure—from both
relatives and peers—to forgo their nascent
careers for the presumed security of marriage.
AUW stresses the importance of balancing family
and career. But to do so may require altering the
expectations of one’s family, friends, and community,
not to mention one’s own. The challenge
that marriage poses to the longevity and sustained
impact of the AUW experience will only
become more pronounced as the University continues
to develop.
The students are poised and adept debaters, substantiating their opinions
with arguments that speak to their excellent training during their
five short months at the Access Academy.
While there are no simple answers to the complex
questions that arise when considering these
marriage issues, the debate among Access
Academy students over arranged and love marriages
during this typical afternoon in Chittagong
issues a portal of understanding into two different
approaches in the region, and in doing so,
allows an emotional subject to be considered in
intellectual terms. The students are poised and
adept debaters, substantiating their opinions
with arguments that speak to their excellent
training during their five short months at the
Access Academy. Skill supersedes passion as
they navigate a topic in which they all have a personal
stake.
After Ms. Tamanna explains the parameters of
the debate, the Access Academy students divide
themselves evenly into teams according to interest,
with seven students arguing in favor of love
marriage and six in favor of arranged marriage.
The class consists of students from Palestine,
Vietnam, Nepal, Bangladesh, Myanmar, India,
and Sri Lanka, and their range of viewpoints
on marriage becomes apparent as the debate
wears on.
The team arguing in favor of arranged marriage
points to the wisdom of one’s parents in choosing
a suitable partner for a woman, saying, “They
have spent most of their lifetimes caring for us,
bringing us up, and educating us—they know
best,” and, “Parents are more experienced.
According to this experience they can give a
decision and this decision can make our lives
easier.” The team asserts that arranged marriages
are often happier than love pairings given
that the bride and bridegrooms’ parents have
already determined the compatibility of the couple
through the careful consideration of
educational, religious, and financial status.
A member of the love marriage team immediately
counters, “It’s not just about background,
finance, and religion—it’s about the person himself.”
A young woman adds that arranged
marriages restrict religious freedom; the daughter
of a love pairing, she was permitted to
convert to Christianity while her brother
remained a Buddhist. A Palestinian student
recounts in rapid-fire English the successful love
marriage of her own parents and another young
woman assails the dowry system, arguing that
arranged marriages engender the unfair treatment
of women through the pervasive practice
of requiring the bridal family to
pay a fee to the husband.
The class ends abruptly with no
clear victors. Not that the students
were expecting any—they
welcome the friendly arguments,
as only students who are living
and learning among 12 different nationalities
can. The debate only represents the patchwork
of cultural norms that make up Asia. But while
how to spend the rest of the afternoon may pose
the more immediate question, the issue of marriage—arranged
or love—looms large in the
future.
1
http://www.unicef.org/protection/index_earlymarriage.html
(updated 6 March 2008).