Click to download the entire September issue as a PDF - Yang-Sheng
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A Comedy Moment<br />
Sign on <strong>the</strong> door of a meditation center: Out of body. Back in twenty minutes.<br />
An old man w<strong>as</strong> enjoying his hundredth birthday party when a reporter approached him and <strong>as</strong>ked,<br />
"Sir, what is <strong>the</strong> secret of your longevity?" The old man thought for a moment, <strong>the</strong>n replied, "Well,<br />
young man, every evening at 7PM, I have a gl<strong>as</strong>s of red wine. They say it's good for <strong>the</strong> heart, you<br />
know." "That's it?" <strong>as</strong>ked <strong>the</strong> reporter. "That," <strong>the</strong> old man said, "and cancelling my voyage on <strong>the</strong><br />
Titanic." source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Longevity/random#ixzz1XQFWxsyw<br />
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than <strong>the</strong> British or Americans. On<br />
<strong>the</strong> o<strong>the</strong>r hand, <strong>the</strong> French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than <strong>the</strong> British or<br />
Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than <strong>the</strong> British<br />
or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks<br />
than <strong>the</strong> British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills<br />
you !<br />
....... What h<strong>as</strong> English done <strong>to</strong> you?<br />
A student went <strong>to</strong> his meditation teacher and said, "My meditation is horrible! I feel so distracted,<br />
or my legs ache, or I'm constantly falling <strong>as</strong>leep. It's just horrible!"<br />
"It will p<strong>as</strong>s," <strong>the</strong> teacher said matter-of-factly.<br />
A week later, <strong>the</strong> student came back <strong>to</strong> his teacher. "My meditation is wonderful! I feel so aware,<br />
so peaceful, so alive! It's just wonderful!"<br />
"It will p<strong>as</strong>s," <strong>the</strong> teacher replied matter-of-factly.<br />
Q: What do you call a one-legged Irish nun<br />
who is learning tai chi?<br />
A: Sister Eileen.<br />
Q: Why can't Buddhists vacuum <strong>the</strong>ir<br />
meditation cushions?<br />
A: Because <strong>the</strong>y don't have any attachments.<br />
Confucius say:<br />
"man who run behind car get<br />
exhausted"..."man who run in front of car get<br />
tired"<br />
Q: What do you get when you cross a Zen<br />
Buddhist with a Druid ma<strong>the</strong>matician?<br />
A: Someone who worships <strong>the</strong> square roots of<br />
<strong>the</strong> tree that isn't <strong>the</strong>re.<br />
Q: Why are <strong>the</strong>re so few Buddhist<br />
rhythm and blues bands?<br />
A: Because Buddhists don't have any soul.<br />
<strong>September</strong>, 2011 <strong>Yang</strong>-<strong>Sheng</strong> (Nurturing Life) 61