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Interview...with theUmpireMr. Pink'sDad...The Big PinkWell for New Year's Eve, instead ofdriving around with all of the drunk idiotson the road, I decided to spend the eveningrappin with my Dad, Papa Pink, or as helikes to be called "Big PinYBetween the noddingoff and the Brandy refills, it was prettyexciting as far as a date with your Dad goes.-ME: So Dad..BP: Big Pi &...call me Big Pink, your Motherused to ... what magazine$ it you write for,SLUT?ME: SLUG Dad, SLUGBP: Slug is German for "hit"ME Anyway, wh?f:$hd .. of Year did You.have? . .>BP: The kind that make y& wish you couldstill get it upME: So, did you make anylutions?BP: Fake the queer revolution?!!MEr Did you*^ any soal motkies thk+ ~aril'ME: New Years resolutions, did yoany New Years resolutions?BP: Oh,..yea, I made a few. Lbt me seegoing to stop giving my kids any mon What was cool tI@ year?ME: Thanks alotBP: And I will stop fantasizing aKathy LeeI... ,ME: Doing what?BP: Me!ME: W t would Regis do? .BP: At my age, he can hold,^helps.ME: What else?"7BP: You will stop a&g me que$iond' ABP: Prank calls to Blue Boutique, $ta stop. . M& No...~dy.ME:1You?BP: People will die.BP: Oh for a long time now:..twi ?'day ME: YQU are psychic! "'ME: Who do you talk to?BP: I will have one more good erection beforeBP: Doesn't matter. ..no more! t about I die.you, boy? I . ME: Dad, you have only one thing on yourME: I promise to stop paying yqex ... or mind.teach my dog to make change? BP: You'll take all the sei'svtf out of yorir ,BP: Where did you get that wth... . article, right? --'ME: I learned it from you D&&ght?!! ME: Of course II ,BP: You watch too much TVu . tME: And? , Happy New Year Dad. ''* 6BP: There's nothing on ex4t that fat whore -Mr. Pink,Carnie, and those Red Pepper Chili guys indresses kissing each othmJayouwoman I usedBP: Have sex, or sleep w-+?ME: BothBP: Bo &...Sophia Loren, Julie, the blackWw\an on Sportscenter _'What about Madohna?BP: I wouldn't let that ugly Pitch kiss thePresidmME: Kiss the president? 'Be Ya know the ~resideni.~. b@k Nixon(galis hi crotch) 1,hF!:Have sex witii? ,. , 'Claudb Schiffer, or $h&I9r or whatever .that babe's name is: ' "' AMrS1eep with? - *.,. ...BP: Sjlwartzl , , , , :ME: Your cit?!BP: Only person I trust. . ,,ME: Alaw Mo+sette? -. .BP: wo's thafl .-. . .A:., - -' :!.gLbGreen Day video is on the TV,guy .. ."ga?BP: T , &He guy on TV, when he sings, helooks we he's getting buggered.I