You're Not Alone: The Journey from Abduction to Empowerment

When dating, take it slowly and trust your instincts. Remember that how your abductortreated you is not normal. You should not expect—or accept—the same treatment fromothers. Many of us found, at least at first, that going out in groups was much better thanindividual dating. It allowed us to build confidence in ourselves, our decisionmaking, andour opinions about others, and to become more comfortable with the dating process. It alsogave us the opportunity to let our friends help us feel safe in the dating environment.It will sometimes be hard, but try to trust yourself. What happened was not your fault.Trust that your ability to make good decisions is still the same as it was before yourabduction. In many ways, we believe we now make better judgments about others aftergoing through this experience.Trust your gut feelings about others, and about yourself. Whateverthe action, if it does not feel like a good thing to do, don’t do it.Keep the saying, “think before you act,” in the back of your mind.Sometimes it may take awhile for trust to rebuildwithin your family aswell. Give yourself time.Speak with them abouthow you can reestablisha trusting relationship.Work together to makethis happen.“My advice to anyone who may have hada similar experience is to lay out a clearunderstanding with your friends, yourfamily, and the people you let into yourlife. Tell them, ‘Look, it makes me reallyanxious and stressed out when you askme a bunch of personal questions. I don’twant to talk about it and if I mentionanything about my event or somethingthat may trigger an old memory or something,don’t respond to my rhetoricalquestions.’ ” — Lindsey19