300 Years & Counting 1H KILLS - On The Issues Magazine

LETHAL CIRCLEby Paola D'EllesioAlthough I didn't realize it at the time, for me thedestructive, generational, abusive cycle thatwas our family heritage began to rupture thatday I phoned my mother. Phoning her is itselfa noteworthy event, given the nature ofour relationship and the way we communicate.In the past 12 years we've talked on thephone less than a dozen times, and I've initiatedmost of the calls. Via the conduit of myfather, my mother has let it be known it's myduty to call her. After all, she's the mother andI'm the daughter.My mother is a guidance counselor, working one-to-one withelementary school kids who have emotional problems. Duringthis cataclysmic phone conversation, she shared a recentprofessional triumph of which she was extremely proud. In anexuberant voice she told me about Joseph, an engaging,gentle child of eight, unable to express himself in anythinglouder than a whisper because he's scared to speak up. Josephis a battered child: Physically battered at home and verballybattered at school. Acting as his advocate, my mother tookaction against his parents and intervened with his teacherand the school's principal.As I listened to the voice that makes my hair stand on end,my throat swelled, preventing me from swallowing. I had tohang up because I was overcome by the irony of this situation.At one time I too was barely audible. Like Joseph, I wasbattered and abused. The perpetrator was my mother.ON THE ISSUES SUMMER 199241