Successful Ministry to the Retarded[ETowns] - Elmer Towns

school with a neighboring family, but wanted do contact with the church themselves. The pastor,deacons and special education teacher tried contacting them--with no success. But abreakthrough came when the little boy became school age and the Hagans were fearful and unsureof his eligibility for public school. Also, they feared looking into the matter, which had to befaced. Finally they accepted an invitation to the fellowship group of their son's church schoolclass. Parents gathered informally on a Saturday for a picnic supper simply to share problems andvictories, bringing all of their children and making it a social occasion for the whole family.The Hagans came to this gathering hoping for answers about where their son could go toschool, and this need alone kept them coming to the group month after month. As therelationship deepened, they began to feel the need to attend church and eventually to becomeChristians. But for the pastor and his church, this was (and is) a long-term ministry.One aspect of healthy adjustment to retardation involves the parents' own relationship, for if acouple has lived together successfully before the birth of a retarded child, they are likely tocontinue living in harmony. At first they will feel the shock, dismay and fear experienced byeveryone in that situation, and they will need medical advice about their child. The sympathy oftheir church can cushion the shock; beyond that, they have the inner resources to reorganize theirthinking and live in peace together. However, the retarded who is born into an already troubledhome tends to compound and deepen all of the problems.The medical advice to be given parents would include getting the diagnosis first, in otherwords, a complete evaluation. Then they should put their faith in the physician whose opinion andjudgment they value; they should be discouraged from running from one physician to another.Parents will help their child most by being realistic, not trying to overrate his ability, and byfollowing the medical program laid out by the physician. 13Parents need help with feelings to assure their own health and happiness and because theirattitudes have such an impact on the other children in the home. When shame and guilt gripparents about retardation, the children assume the same life-style. Perhaps the parents had neverlived normally as grownups themselves, or the complete reverse is possible. For example, oneboy became so attached to his retarded sister during their childhood that he found it difficultparting with her in his college years. Their home had been full of love and acceptance, even forthe severely handicapped member,Counselors should urge parents to educate themselves and their children about the needs andabilities of retarded persons, for they all need to understand the problem, and they will, in turn, beable to confidently handle questions coming from friends and acquaintances. Parents who coverup the problem only make it difficult for the entire family to make a healthy life adjustment.The question is frequently asked concerning the time to tell the siblings of the retarded childand what they should and should not be told. The answer to this question depends upon thesiblings' reactions to the child. If they notice something is wrong, they should be told the truth; itis certainly better than hearing it from neighbors or friends.The effects of the retarded child upon siblings varies and it may safely be said that theiradjustment is neither better nor worse because of it, when compared to other children in general.Generally the youngsters are able to make adequate adjustment around the retarded sibling. Ifproblems do arise, they usually are traced to the attitudes of the parents, so it is wiser to plancounseling around the parent than the sibling.Education about retardation includes full knowledge of a child's abilities and disabilities.Parents should set standards and goals for the retarded child below those of the other children,