Successful Ministry to the Retarded[ETowns] - Elmer Towns

and then be careful not to compare achievements. Since the retarded has deep feelings about hisinadequacies, the most helpful thing anyone can do is to set up situations in which he can succeed.Never pressure him to do a task perfectly, but praise him abundantly for whatever effort hemakes.Those who counsel parents about achievement for their retarded children should rememberthe paradox with which parents live every day. They know the truth; doctors have told them, butthey go on hoping. One couple said concerning their little boy, "His growth did not increase aswe had hoped, but his awkwardness became more apparent. But in the quiet moments when hesnuggled in our arms, we sensed that in his thin little frame there was a beautiful little boy longingto be freed." 14 It is through this kind of hope that parents help an injured child live at his potential.The counselor may need to help the family in these additional areas:1. Give other children the quality of care and attention received by the retardate. Equaltime for each child may not be possible, especially if retardation is severe; however, parents mustfind ways to show other children that they do not love them any less, such as by planningvacations and special days without the retardate. Parents may rightfully considerinstitutionalization of the brain-damaged youngster who leaves them absolutely no time fornormal family living.2. Do not push a child beyond his capabilities to the point of frustration. Because pushingonly tends to destroy any healthy emotional balance the retardate has attained, parents must trusthis schoolteachers and go along with their advice about his expected rate of improvement.Always praise his effort.3. Do not pauperize the family to give the retarded child the best. Resentment will onlybuild in the family. Some states have passed legislation providing a monthly allowance to parentsof the mentally retarded. Illinois passed such a bill in 1969 which covers medical expenses, food,shelter, and personal needs. 154. Do not be afraid to have other children. Nothing heals the hurt of having a retarded babymore than the birth of a normal child. 16 It can take away much self-doubt, restoring respect andconfidence to a marriage. One mother put her feelings into words: "Secretly we blamed eachother for our retarded child. Then Jonathan was born. We didn't plan to have him, and I actuallydreaded the day of his birth, thinking that we would face another disappointment. The wedge inour marriage would be driven deeper. But we had a healthy boy. He has changed many thingsfor my husband and me, and in our home."Some couples just do not want other children for many reasons, including the desire to devotetheir total time to the handicapped child. Counselors may need to thoroughly evaluate a family'semotional, psychological and financial readiness before encouraging the parents to have morechildren.5. Urge participation in parents' groups for retardation. The counselor should go so far asto find out where these groups are located and when they meet. Through such groups, parentswill learn much more than any teacher could ever tell them about the facts of retardation. Also,these groups would welcome the pastor or church teacher who wishes more education aboutretardation.There is a danger on the part of professionals to treat the parents of mentally retarded childrenas members of one category and, in so "lumping" them, fail to realize their individuality. But eachcase is different, with unique problems and unique personalities involved. While their reactionsmay be of the same type, they still retain their individuality.