Pamper Guests - The Parklander Magazine

IDEAS BY SCOTT J. BROOKJust SayNOHow to find Balance inAll Areas of Your LifeMOST PEOPLE WANT TO ATTAIN greater balancein their lives. Many people wish they had moretime. This article focuses on one simple, challengingconcept — you are in total control ofyour time. My main suggestion is to deny others’requests that do not suit you. Just say no.There are many ways to say no. You can sayno politely. You can say no clearly. You can sayno respectfully. Or you can say no in a way thatis misunderstood or, even worse, hurts someone’sfeelings. Saying no is verypowerful, as it sets a clear parameter for others.Unfortunately, too many people relinquishcontrol of their time because they do not say no.We often feel compelled to say yes out of love,respect or even fear of hurting the other person’sfeelings. When the yes is inauthentic, we tendto regret the answer.I speak regularly about attaining work/familybalance. I always ask the people in the room,“Who here appreciates honesty?” Undoubtedly,everyone admits that they appreciate honestybut many people think that others would rathernot hear an honest no. I disagree. I would ratherbe told no than shown no.When my daughter tells me repeatedly thatshe will wash the dishes today and I wake up thenext morning to discover that they are all in thesink, I am not happy. If a buddy constantly tellsme he wants to get together for a few months,but he is always busy when I ask him to make acommitment, I don’t feel good about his yes.I prefer an honest and direct no. One day Icalled home close to 9 in the evening. My littlegirl, Sammi, was around age seven and sheanswered the phone. We chatted a few minutesabout her day and then I asked her to put herbig sister, Tina, on the line. She said, verysweetly, “Daddy, I have had a long day and I amtired. Tina is in the other room and I feel likestaying in bed. Would it be okay if you calledback?” What a great way to say no! If you readher answer again, she didn’t even say the word.She was polite, direct, explained herself andeven put the ball back inmy court. I was, andremain, impressed.You can say no insimilar fashion.Your timeis your time.No one butyou makesdecisions foryou unlessyou allow it.Your commitmentsare yours.You commityour time andyourself when youdo not say no. When afriend asks if you havetime for him or her duringthe day and you say,“Sounds good, call melater,” that friend justheard a yes. If you are too busy, say so. If youhave other priorities, honor them. I suggest yousay no with a smile and an explanation and youwill find the person you are denying will appreciateyour honesty.This morning my wife Brenda asked me toforego racquetball. My instinct is to please herand say yes. However, what is true for me is mycommitment to myself to play racquetball everySaturday and Sunday morning. If I merely saidyes, I would be pleasing her but thinking aboutwhat I am missing and not feeling good aboutmy prior commitment, which I am now dishonoring.I found a compromise that works for me,which my wife accepted. I said,“What if I play ashorter time and come home in time to take thekids to Hebrew school?”I said no politely and still found a way topartially honor the request made of me.You can imagine the amount of requestsmade of my time as the former Mayor of CoralSprings. One of the reasons I enjoyed the job somuch and still had a fair amount of time withmy family was because I rarely chose to dosomething out of pure obligation that I did notauthentically desire to do.I could have said yes to many more requests,but the sacrifice would have been too great.Saying no as clearly as I usually did saved a lotof time, as there did not have to be any back andforth communication. Saying no also managesexpectations much better than a “maybe” or a“sounds good.”The more you say no, the better you get at it.A good friend of mine has told me that I am theonly person who can make a no sound so positive.I attempt to make it sound positive by generallycouching it in my appreciation of therequest and/or person and with a brief explanationof why.Go ahead, practice saying no. Call a friendand just rehearse. Have him ask you to gettogether this week, ask for a favor and ask for aloan. Say no each time. Practice it with a smileand with appreciation. Just say no much moreoften and you will find yourself saying yes muchmore to yourself.Scott J. Brook is the former Mayor of Coral Springs,principal of the family law firm of Scott J. Brook,P.A., CEO of Premier Networking Alliance, Inc.,father of five, grandfather, author and motivationalspeaker. Please email him at scottbrook@scottjbrookpa.com or visit his law firm’s website,www.Scottjbrookpa.com.