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healing & FORGIVENESSFor me, the path of mindfulness continues to be about wakingup to the mystery that is right here in the present moment.Although there continue to be painful experiences and cycles inmy life, I get increasingly frequent and reassuring glimpses of myvastness and my interconnection with everybody and everythingin the universe.As my practice has progressed, I have begun to understandthat working for peace and justice is a journey of gentle honestyand a process of learning how to be present so that every interactionwith another person is an opportunity for authenticity andunderstanding.I was such an unlikely candidate for this path that I considerfinding my way to it nothing short of a miracle. Today, I wouldlike to share with you some of the most important things I haveinternalized about Thay’s teachings.Suffering as CompostFirst, I have learned that our personal suffering is the richestcompost of our practice.I experienced much pain in my relationship to my parents asa child, in my relationship to my children as a parent, and in myother intimate relationships. I have learned how to use this painto understand more about what it is to be human.I now understand that blame has often been a barrier I erectednot to take responsibility for my own emotions. As I learn moreabout how to understand and frame my own suffering, I continueto see my own preciousness and that of others. I have learnedthat imperfection is not a thing to be avoided or blamed on othersand that the very things that make me feel so very unlovable, allthose defects I tried so hard to hide, are precisely what I have tooffer others.I have learned to remind myself that I need to stop relating towhat I would like to fix in myself and replace the seeds of projectmentality with loving kindness and unconditional friendship withmyself and others. It’s helpful to remember that what I am doingis unlocking a softness that is in me and letting it spread in orderto soften the sharp edges of self-criticism and complaint.The Path of True RedemptionSecond, I have learned that the truth is many-sided and canbe approached from multiple perspectives, and that it is importantto develop a deep sense of openness.I see multiple doors to the Dharma around me every day andunderstand that different people enter through different doors. Tome, any door that helps people lead a more ethical and compassionatelife is a legitimate Dharma door. My challenge as a Dharmateacher is to find and invite people through the Dharma doors thatthey can relate to by translating Thay’s teachings into a languagethey can understand. Of course, a major focus of mine will bebringing Thay’s teachings to those who work in the criminal justicesystem because I understand not only their language and fears,but also the injustices committed when people abuse the trust andstate authority bestowed upon them.I hope I can help people to understand the difference betweenfear and faith, between doing the right thing and righteousness,between action and compulsion. I hope I can help them internalizeThay’s teaching that when we stop seeing ourselves solely asvictims or oppressors, we can develop a sense of forgiveness forourselves and others that leads to true redemption. And, in findingtheir way, I hope I can encourage people to think enough of themselvesto claim the right to question what is offered, to investigatewhat they are being told, to trust their own experiences, and allowothers to do the same.In finding my own middle way between action and compulsion,I try to remind myself that although my spiritual practicerequires me to take action, it should not be one more thing to judgemyself about or be compulsive about. In every major step alongmy own path, first in receiving the Five Mindfulness Trainings,then in receiving the Fourteen Mindfulness Trainings, and nowbeing made a Dharma teacher, I have gone through what I callan “I’m not worthy crisis.” When I really get scared that I am notworthy, my partner will say to me, “Do you trust Thay?” I say, “Ofcourse. I trust Thay with all my heart.” She says, ”Then, trust himnot to make a mistake. Get out of the way and let the Buddha bethe Dharma teacher.”I do trust that the process of becoming a Dharma teacher willwork in a similar manner as the process of receiving the Five andFourteen Mindfulness Trainings. The trainings and the possibilitiescontained within the trainings work on me as I work on them.As my understanding and practice deepens, old habit seeds andenergies are transformed as new seeds get watered by living upto the possibilities of the path.So I have decided that the purpose of being a Dharma teacheris no different than the purpose of any student on the path. Thepurpose is not to do it right but to reside in the joy and possibilitiesprovided by the opportunity to commit more deeply to the Dharmaand reap the bountiful harvest that this possibility offers.In finding my way between fear and faith, I have learned thatfaith is about discovering the existence of an ultimate dimensionand learning to live with heart. Discovering fearlessness comesfrom working with the softness of the human heart and letting theworld tickle your heart with the wonders of the present momentand your relationships with others. It comes from being willing toopen up, touching your own vulnerability, and having the courageto share your heart with others. This is the path to the authenticrelationships that are the litmus test of spirituality.In discovering the difference between doing the right thingand righteousness, I have learned that dogma and righteousnessare subtle forms of violence. In contrast, faith enables us to meetlife with a sense of curiosity rather than a definition of reality.One of Thay’s greatest gifts to me was the teaching that ifwe truly understand our interconnection with others, we can allfind a victim and an oppressor within ourselves. I can look backand find painful examples of my own mistakes and unintentionalabuses of power. Likewise, I can find painful examples of my ownvictimization. When we learn to acknowledge and make friendsthe Mindfulness Bell 27