July 2017

THE VALLEY BUSINESS JOURNAL
16 www.TheValleyBusinessJournal.com
July 2017
How Family Conflict Can Make or Break Your Personal Legacy
(Part 1 of 2)
LEGAL
Presented by by
Kelly Steve Bennett, FillingimEsq.
Family disputes, like those that arise
after the death of a loved one, over a will,
a trust or even in our elders’ final years
when they cannot care for themselves –
these are some of the most challenging
of life conflicts.
In every conflict, there lies a tremendous
opportunity . . . to create your own
remarkable and honorable legacy.
Family disputes, like those that arise
after the death of a loved one, over a will,
a trust or even in our elders’ final years
when they cannot care for themselves –
these are some of the most challenging
of life conflicts. Perhaps adult siblings
experience conflict over where an ailing
parent should live when they can no
longer live unassisted. And the issue of
who should care for the ailing parent can
be very contentious.
What about the sad situation where
a family member has passed away, and
their will or trust was modified at the “last
minute,” cutting out all children but one,
from a significant inheritance? These are
moments where hard feelings are created,
in a hurry.
These disputes may at first glance
seem to be about greedy, quarrelling siblings
arguing over “stuff” or money. But
more often, than not it’s the significance
of the “message” a will or trust brings,
and the message is typically received as
a painful comment on an adult child’s
worth. Big reactions to the “message”
a will brings are usually about feeling
rejected, unappreciated or forgotten.
FAMILY CONFLICT AND LEGACY
Add to family conflict, the hustle/
bustle of life. Our lives seem so complicated
these days. Often, we get caught
up in the day to day, bump and grind
of traffic, life in a noisy world of social
media, work, kids, etc. Watching Facebook
timelines is an interesting study in
human behavior. Aren’t you amazed at
how often we see FB “friends” barfing
up all their personal gripes, preferences
and complaints all over the Internet for
everyone to see, comment upon and post
a “reaction” to?
But in the big picture, are we filling
our time with what really matters? The
notion of a “legacy” is a big picture notion.
After all, when asked “what legacy
do you want to leave…?” you are really
being asked about what overall picture,
importance do you want to leave to the
generations that follow?
What’s a legacy really about? Is
it about how many businesses you ran
in your lifetime, how much money you
made, or how famous you were? For
some people, that’s what they think of
when they think “legacy”. But to me, a
legacy boils down to:
• How you treated people
• How much value you added to people
• How well you used your God-given
gifts to make this world a better place.
The answers to these questions easily
help you see the type of legacy you have
created:
• What kind of relationships did you
foster?
• What kind of person were you, and what
did you do in life that affected others?
We all make an impact on the lives
of others, whether we acknowledge it
or not. And that impact is your legacy.
Think of the crabby old man who lived
across the street when you were growing
up. You know, the grandpa who growled
at all the kids “stay off my grass!” when
you were out walking the dog. The guy
who was rude to his wife every time they
came home from the market and left her
to unload the groceries by herself. The
guy who turned off the porch light and
left a big note on his front door every
Halloween “Don’t knock – No Candy
Here!”.
Those memories are the aroma of
the legacy that man left – grumpy, unkind,
selfish, uncaring. If that’s what the
neighbors saw, imagine how his family
members and co-workers were treated.
What a sad legacy!
No one remembers, in the long run,
how much “stuff” you had or how pretty
you were. What they remember is how
you showed up in this world… how you
did life, how you treated people. And
if you treated people well, with love,
dignity, respect…if you had a warm,
positive approach to living and loving…
that legacy makes people remember you
with a smile.
And it’s that kind of legacy that
makes people want to know more about
you, and what your “secret sauce” was…
the “why” behind your legacy. Wow!
What a tremendous, positive impact we
can have when we build our legacies
with intention.
BUILDING A BETTER LEGACY,
ONE CONFLICT AT A TIME
So, what does all this legacy talk
have to do with family disagreements
over a will, a trust, or the care of an ailing
elder? Everything.
Because, you see, in the midst of
family disagreements, you will discover
(if you look hard enough) that your legacy
is being tested, and so is your integrity.
In every conflict, there lies a tremendous
opportunity. An opportunity
for personal growth and increased
self-awareness. An opportunity to show
others in this world what you are truly, all
about. And an opportunity to create your
own remarkable and honorable legacy.
So, in the midst of family conflict,
take some time to consider these questions
– your answers may lead you to the
right resolution of the dispute:
• What legacy did our elder loved one
want to leave to this family and to their
community?
• What possible resolutions of the family
disagreement would help preserve our
elder’s legacy?
• What kind of legacy do I want to build
for my family and my community?
• What am I willing to “give up” or sacrifice
in this family conflict to build
an awesome, meaningful legacy of
my life?
What is your idea of a remarkable
legacy? We’d love to hear your thoughts!
Kelly A. Bennett, Esq. | Smart Court Mediator,
Arbitrator, Private Judge
Call Us Today 866.403.8690.
“
These disputes may at first glance seem
to be about greedy, quarrelling siblings
arguing over “stuff” or money. But more
often, than not it’s the significance of the
“message” a will or trust brings, and the
message is typically received as a painful
comment on an adult child’s worth.