Exberliner Issue 171 May 2018

DON’T WORK, MAKE MONEY
beginning I would go on all the dates just to
see what was out there, and then I started
selecting my daddies. Most of them were
usually in town for a few days in between
business trips. Sometimes they’d invite me to
accompany them abroad. Sometimes I would
go and sometimes I would turn it down because
I was in university. But somehow I felt
that a trip could bring the expectation of sex.
And I didn’t want to have sex with them!”
she says, adding that equating sugaring with
prostitution or even escorting is a “hurtful
misconception”. But it was a lot of work on
top of her MA studies.
“I always had to look nice. I had to remember
which client got me which perfume,
dress or accessories and wear those on our
dates. I went to the gym 4 times a week to
be in good shape, to the hairdresser, nail
salon, waxing… it is actually hard work!
I know it sounds lame, but it was tiring.”
Eventually, after eight months juggling six
to seven guys, she reduced the number
of her daddies to three. “I could maintain
that easily and still earn about €2000 a
month from them, not including the gifts
and meals. These were all under 60, strong,
charismatic and attractive men. So yes,
I did sleep with them eventually…”
Samira had no intention of taking on
a new sugar daddy when she met John
on Seeking Arrangement. “He was very
persistent, so I gave in. And to be honest,
he did sweep me away on our first date. He
was amazing: polite, well-read and welltravelled,
he spoke many languages. The
next night he invited me to a big event in
Frankfurt and soon he insisted we meet
every night he was in town.” By the end of
that week John had made it clear that he
wanted a more serious commitment and
offered to rent an apartment for Samira
and cover all her expenses with an extra
allowance to boot. “All I had to do for it
was to be there whenever he was in Berlin,
travel with him when he wanted me. And,
of course, sex. I slept with him on my first
night and it was actually good.” Two weeks
later Samira moved out of her tiny room in
a flat share into her dream apartment. “He
made me promise that I’d stop seeing the
other guys, he made me delete my profile
and he would check on me all the time. But
it was okay. John was a very generous sugar
daddy. He supported my studies, and always
seemed proud to have me on his side. I
got to see and experience many things I
wouldn’t have without him!” So it went on
for five months: “I was kind of happy... until
I met Jakob!” What started as a spontaneous
flirt on a Berlin dancefloor turned into
the real thing. Faced with a choice between
her arrangement with John and life with
Jakob, she opted for the latter and broke
up with John, leaving behind the flat and
all the nice gifts. “I’d not expected John to
get so mad. He shouted he would kill that
boy and demanded that I leave the apartment
by the next day and wanted his money
back.” Samira and Jakob have been together
for almost two years now. She finished her
studies and they are planning to get married.
Jakob comes from a simple, Bavarian
family and cannot offer her the luxury the
sugaring did. “I wouldn’t exchange my current
happiness for anything money can buy.
That part of my life is over. I am happy now
and who knows – maybe one day I’ll be rich
myself,” she says, though the chances are
pretty slim, being a historian.
Samira has remained in touch with some
former sugar daddies like Peter, one of
the last three men she was dating before
she went exclusive with John. “I am actually
still friends with Samira. I cannot say I don’t
dream of dating her again, but since that is not
an option, we are just friends. We go out for
a coffee sometimes, but she has made it clear
that she wants no gifts or money from me anymore,”
explains the 45-year-old buinessman in
the most casual way. On the phone he doesn’t
sound like a super-rich executive responsible
for multi-million euro oil sales. “I don’t think
there is anything to be ashamed of in the world
of sugaring. We business people often don’t
have time and energy to date, to seduce, to
entertain, to deal with the emotional expectations
of our partners. For me, business is more
important. Sugaring is such a clear arrangement
and therefore I won’t disappoint or fail
anybody. I hurt many women in my youth just
because I wasn’t able to put them first. With all
the travelling and stress my job requires I often
just want to have a nice dinner or a date to an
event, someone who is pretty and intelligent
and can distract me from my everyday life. It
isn’t necessarily about sex! If I want sex, I can
get an A-list escort. I just expect my sugar baby
to be good company.”
Do such expectations go with our current
ideal of gender equality? Or do they just
perpetuate the centuries-old male-dominated
cultural and financial structures the #metoo
movement has been painstakingly trying to
shake? For Peter this is a clean cut case of contractual
business where both parties can meet
at eye level: “The girls sign up, they want money,
the men know what they get and what they
don’t. It’s business. And I am good at business
– terrible at love, but very good at business!”
Reflecting back on her experience, Samira sees
a certain degree of empowerment. “I certainly
don’t think I was a victim of anybody or that I
would have been sexually abused, ever! I actually
feel like I was the boss!”
“With all the
travelling and stress
my job requires,
I often just want to
have a nice dinner
with someone
who is pretty and
intelligent ...
It isn’t necessarily
about sex! If I want
sex, I can get an
A-list escort.”
EXBERLINER 171