Thrive magazine Spring/Summer 2017

EMPT
RUNNING ON
by Peter Hambrey
Spring/Summer 2017
OUT THERE: FELLOWSHIP INTERNATIONAL
It was, I think, the greatest shock of
my life: I found myself believing
that God probably did not exist.
It was 1998. I was on home assignment
from ministry in Pakistan after
one of my most grueling terms on the
field, and one day it suddenly hit me:
nothing in my life shows the work of
God. As I looked back at the previous
month, I saw nothing. The previous
year, still nothing. My belief in a
living, active, involved God seemed
contrary to the facts.
After the initial shock came the realisation
that I could not continue what
I was doing — missionary work — in
this state, so I made some adjustments
while I sought to clarify my state of
mind and do some hard thinking.
I never turned away from God conclusively;
I continued to pursue him in a
tentative way, praying “God, if you are
there…” and even reading the Bible. One
thing moving me back to belief was a
review of my spiritual history and the
events I had considered miracles and
answers to prayer, some of which I had
thankfully written down. I spent much
time reviewing the thinking that led
to my first adoption of the faith and
re-reading several introductions to the
Christian faith, such as Know Why You
Believe by Paul Little and Surprised by
Joy by C.S. Lewis.
Another important factor in my recovery
— perhaps the most important,
from observations of both my
own and similar situations — was the
engaged prayer of the few who knew
my situation. The understanding support
of the Fellowship International
staff was also crucial, giving me time
to process and recover.
In retrospect, several circumstances
led to this period of doubt: stress and
disappointment with God resulted
in depression. I was struggling to
adapt my understanding of creation
in light of the fascinating new science
of genomics. And somewhere along
the way, I stopped taking steps of