Static Live Magazine April 2019

Become a Music Critic!
Follow These 7 Easy-Peasy Rules!
The
SOUR GRAPES of WRATH
The Story
of
the
Sauce Boss
The NEED That
SURROUNDS Us
CONNECTS Us
Lady Gaga
PregNant
with #LG6

BEACHSIDE TAVERN
NEW SMYRNA BEACH’S BEST ORIGINAL LIVE MUSIC VENUE
G-Love
WEDNESDAY MAY 15TH
with Special Guest:
The Ries Brothers
8PM/$20
www.BeachsideTavern.com-690 E. 3rd St. NSB-FB.com/BeachsideTavernNSB

Gabriel Crystal
This month’s Goddess from Premier Model Management is Gabriela Crystal.
In her own words …
“My name is Gabriela Crystal; Crystal as in healing crystals, which I like collecting.
I enjoy reading and collecting books as well. I love going to the beach and
everything beach related - I go as often as I can.”
“My favorite band of all time is Fleetwood Mac. I grew up listening to them with my
mother, who is a Stevie Nicks fan. I would love to be able to see them in concert
someday! I am also into 90’s rock bands like Nirvana and Mazzy Star.”
Oh My...Goddess
“I recently started modeling with Premier Model Management I am so thankful for
all the doors they have opened for me and cannot wait to see what the future holds
in this industry.”
Photo credit: Mandy Lynn 3

“Don’t ever let a soul in the world tell you
that you can’t be exactly who you are.”
~ Lady Gaga
3
6
8
10
12
14
16
19
20
22
24
28
30
32
35
36
37
Oh My Goddess
Too Far Gone
A Day in the Life of a Gigging Musician
Lady Gaga: Pregnant with #LG6
Coloring in the Lines
Become a Music Critic!
Follow these 7 Easy-Peasy Rules
Remembering Janis Joplin - By Hank Harrison
Pics from the Past -
September 3, 1977 By Les Kippel
Static Live Calendar
Artist Feature - Denise Vezza Maggiore
The Story of the Sauce Boss
The Need that Surrounds Us, Connects Us
Rocktails
The Sour Grapes of Wrath
Phantom Foodie
Metal Compost
Behind the Mic
STUDIOS
DREAM. CREATE.
Static Live Media Group, LLC
927 S. Ridgewood Ave., Suite A5
Edgewater, FL 32132
386-847-2716 www.staticlivemag.com
Making great music since 1999
Billy Chapin, Owner/Publisher
Sean Impara, Co-Owner/Writer
Jenny McLain, Editor/Dir Operations
Jamie Lee, Director of Sales
Nicole Henry, Graphic Artist
Blake Abbey, Staff Photographer
COVER ART BY GARY KROMAN
© All Rights Reserved 2019
For scheduling, Contact Sean at (386) 847-2716

TOO FAR
GONE
By Jamie Lee & Brie Christian
6
There are a million reasons to fly halfway around the
world; visiting Thailand is one of them.
The city of Bangkok boasts architectural genius around
every corner, creating perfect illusions that made me so
happy I could die. My sister and I visited Wat Arun,
or Ratchawararam Ratchawaramahawihan; a Buddhist
temple, known also as the Temple of the Dawn and
climbing the many stairs up makes you feel like an angel
coming down having just possibly touched the sky.
Combing the city, trying the street food, seeing naked
children everywhere- their parents looking as if it is no
big deal-they were born this way, it is hard not to feel like
you have stepped out of the norm and into the bizarre.
Food markets are everywhere you look, including a
food market on train tracks - Maeklong Railway market
is considered one of the most dangerous in the world;
we must give the people their applause for risking their
lives daily just to make a few baht. Risking your life as
a tourist mainly involves crossing the street. With no
real crosswalks and cars just speeding by, your only
choice is to act like you live there and walk right out
into traffic and just dance your way across the street to
any of the 7-11s to get a version of ramen that does not
hold a candle to the American counterpart and being
thankful that you made it to your next meal.

Flying down to the southern area of Thailand
in Patong, Phuket, we stayed only steps from
the beach, a picturesque landscape in every
direction. We had a fascinating adventure,
courtesy of the Green-Elephant Sanctuary. We
gave Asian elephants a mud bath and then
showered with these captivating creatures.
The elephants seemed like it was just another
day, throwing water and mud at the fifty people
in our group and loving each minute of it.
This sanctuary is taking wonderful care of these
animals, with a no riding rule an enclosure to
keep the elephants safe at night this mythical
place located in the heart of the jungle near
Surin Beach is a must visit.
There are so many different attractions in Thailand it
was hard to get to them all! Definitely pay 100 baht
(which is worth $3.16US at the current exchange rate)
to have Garra rufa fish eat the dead skin off your feet,
Thai people are possibly fame monsters when it comes
200 baht to get an hour Thai massage (WARNING -
their most famous beach, Maya Bay at Koh Phi Phi Leh.
this is a rough type of massage), try the food that you
This is the set of the 2000 movie with Leonardo DiCaprio,
do not recognize (there were a few meals that we were
The Beach. He is by far the most recognized celebrity
not sure what we were eating), buy everyone in your
in Southeast Asia. The site of the movie, however, is
circle of family and friends a gift, follow a waiter to a
about an hour off the mainland - we took a boat tour
part of town that you probably should not be in, (Khao
of these many islands. The disappointment is that this
San Road), go to Monkey Island, try to figure out what
particular beach is closed and the boat only gets close
all the stickers in the cabs mean- no sex in cabs, no
enough for your to take pictures but not to get out of
durian fruit, (apparently the smell is extremely putrid)
the boat. Thailand’s Department of National Parks,
and see a ping-pong show (if you know what that is,
Wildlife and Plant Conservation closed “The Beach”
you just laughed; if you don’t, definitely look it up).
indefinitely in October of 2018 to allow the beach and
the ecosystem to recover. More than five thousand
people a day would visit and poor tourism practices
weighed on the lush island causing the closure. 7

y Adam Floyd
Musicians, like everyone, are the sum combination
of the people with whom they surround themselves.
I advocate for a selective approach to our friends
and bandmates. That’s how we can keep the focus
on the music. Personal space and creative energy
could be sacrificed without a concerted strategy
on who we allow into our inner sanctum.
I’ll begin with personal relationships, which are the
easiest to diagnose and the hardest to treat. Avoid
toxic people whenever possible. Stay away from
loud or demanding people. All the drama in your
life should be saved for the stage!
Bandmates and collaborators are crucial to our
success, artistically and professionally. Here, I
also start with a “No Drama” policy but it can get
sticky with certain talent. You want loyalty above
all else and compatibility to a degree is great.
Attracting a ton of followers and supporters is the
grail for musicians large and small. Legions of
adoration is sweet, but learning to have boundaries
is very important. Draw a no-go line for stalkers
but be generous to the quirky, artistic and weird.
How do we turn down drinks, party favors, sex
favors, money, living arrangements, cars and nonstop
party-party? Some of that may be great, but
too much is, well, too much. I get a much needed
dose of humility in various ways. Volunteer at old
folks’ homes. It does a soul good. I also clean the
bathroom toilet or other dirty jobs. It brings me
into focus. Finally, I fight above my weight class
and work on impossible classical concertos or
crazy jazz runs/progressions. Everything will work
itself out if we keep the focus on the music.
There will be stronger and weaker personalities
involved, where balance and tact are called for. I
like for it to come together organically, but with
the caveat that the focus is on the music. All egos
checked at the door, especially singers and lead
players. The spouses and partners of the players
can also be a source of friction, which can require
careful juggling. Most musical situations are
voluntary and so there is less authoritarianism, but
when we keep it tight things run smoother.
8

Lady Gaga PregNant
with #LG6
It seems like not so long ago . . . people used to make
fun of Lady Gaga. Some crazy rumors surrounded her
at the beginning of her career; people said her outfits
were weird and or that she acted radical. At some point
in time, they went as far as to say she was a man who
couldn’t sing that well.
Growing up in New York there were so many other things
that she had to overcome and she never shied
away from the challenges. She continued
doing unique crazy things to stay within the
spotlight of the entertainment business, such
as wearing a dress made completely out of
meat that and other publicity stunts kept her
in the news. Little did we know that she was
on the brink of doing something special.
10
It was then that Gaga took a once-in-a-lifetime chance
and put all of the money she earned, which was close
to 6 million dollars at that time, and personally backed
a world tour that she would have sole control over to
produce and star in. That tour went on to be the highest
grossing in the history of mankind. She proved to
crowds all over that her outfits, make-up and previous
encounters we’re not just gimmicks, but that she was
the real deal when it came to being a singer and putting
on an amazing show.
Just a few years later she is now the holder of the Oscar
for best song and of course her collaborations with
Tony Bennett, Bradley Cooper and others have almost
instantly made her an icon in the music business and
one of the biggest stars in today’s world.

Here’s a little more about Lady Gaga and what made her
what she is today:
The singer, songwriter and actress known professionally
as Lady Gaga, was born Stefani Joanne Angelina
Germanotta in NYC in March of 1986. She is known
for her unconventionality, provocative work, and visual
experimentation. She began performing as a teenager,
singing at open mic nights and acting in school plays.
She studied at Collaborative Arts Project 21, through New
York University’s Tisch School of the Arts, before dropping
out to pursue a music career. When Def Jam Recordings
canceled her contract, she worked as a songwriter for
Sony/ATV Music Publishing, where Akon helped her sign
a joint deal with Interscope Records and his own label
KonLive Distribution in 2007. She rose to prominence the
following year with her debut album, the electropop record
The Fame, and its chart-topping singles “Just Dance” and
“Poker Face”. A follow-up EP, The Fame Monster (2009),
featuring the singles “Bad Romance”, “Telephone” and
“Alejandro”, was also successful.
Gaga’s second full-length album, Born This Way (2011),
explored electronic rock and techno-pop. It peaked atop
the US Billboard 200 and sold more than one million
copies in the country in its first week. Its title track became
the fastest selling song on the iTunes Store with over a
million downloads in less than a week. Gaga experimented
with EDM on her third studio album, Artpop (2013), which
reached number one in the US and included the single
“Applause”. Her collaborative jazz album with Tony Bennett,
Cheek to Cheek (2014), and
her soft rock-influenced fifth
studio album, Joanne (2016),
also topped the US charts.
During this period, Gaga
ventured into acting, playing
leading roles in the miniseries
American Horror Story: Hotel
(2015–2016), for which she
received a Golden Globe
Award for Best Actress, and
the critically acclaimed musical
drama A Star Is Born (2018),
for which she was nominated
for the Academy Award for Best
Actress. She also contributed
to the latter’s soundtrack, which
received a BAFTA Award for
Best Film Music and made
her the only woman to achieve
five US number one albums
in the 2010s. Its lead single,
“Shallow”, topped the US charts
and earned Gaga the Academy
Award for Best Original Song.
Having sold 27 million albums and 146 million singles as of
January 2016, Gaga is one of the best-selling music artists
in history. Her achievements include several Guinness
world records, nine Grammy Awards, an Academy Award,
a BAFTA Award, two Golden Globe Awards, and an award
from the Songwriters Hall of Fame and the Council of
Fashion Designers of America. She has been declared
Billboard’s Artist of the Year and included among Forbes’s
power and earnings rankings. She was ranked number four
on VH1’s Greatest Women in Music in 2012 and second
on Time’s 2011 readers’ poll of the most influential people
of the past ten years, and was named Billboard’s Woman
of the Year in 2015. She is known for her philanthropy
and social activism, including her work related to LGBT
rights, and for her nonprofit organization, the Born This
Way Foundation, which focuses on empowering youth
and preventing bullying. Not bad for a little girl who people
thought was strange and untalented in the beginning of her
illustrious career.
Due to a recent diagnosis of fibromyalgia (a chronic
condition which triggers emotional distress and causes
insomnia and extreme pain all over the body), Gaga has
taken some time to heal both mentally and physically. This
seems to have paid off in many ways and motivated her to
create again, as she recently revealed her next project and
sixth studio recorded EP called LG6. There is no doubt
that lady Gaga should be an inspiration for other artists out
there to show their individuality and to prove all naysayers
wrong; for if you believe in what you’re doing and
in yourself, the sky is the limit in the music world.
It should be interesting and exciting to see what
she does next. 11

On the
Block
By Jenny McLain
Coloring in the lines
I’ve come to embrace the fact that one of my best friends
is a 5-year-old. He calls me his “Lady”, because my
connection to him is simply that I’m a friend of his Dad’s
who helped take care of him for a period of time before
he was even 3. I would say that he became attached
to me because of it but the fact is, we became attached
to each other. We have a continuing bond; we go
on adventures, we play games, we read, we cook, we
sing, we dance and we talk – about everything (well, he
mostly talks and I listen). His Dad calls us “two peas in
a pod”. He loves that I have a special talent for winning
a lot of tickets playing one particular game at Chuck
E. Cheese and that I gave him the passcode to my
iPad with his favorite games. I love his perspective, his
confidence, his energy and his HONESTY. This child
is so unfiltered; he has no motive, no preconceived
notions, no inhibitions. I envy his innocence and
agonize over helping him learn things like manners
and humility without breaking his spirit.
The top 25 most played song list in my music library
includes everything from Johnny Cash to Imagine
Dragons because he LOVES music and likes for his
favorite songs to play over and over. He remembers
lyrics and if he doesn’t know a song but likes the tune,
he will ask what they are saying so he can sing it the
next time he hears it. He was looking at pictures on
my phone one day and came across one of me with
Bradford Buckley and said, “Lady, I didn’t know you
were friends with Uptown Funk”. He notices and
remembers everything.
They love to
tell you
I took him once to see Reed Foley at Flagler Tavern and
because I called Reed by his real first name (Johnny),
and because he sang “Ring of Fire” after he saw us
come in, my little buddy thought Reed was Johnny
Cash. And he was really upset that we came in just
before the end of a set so he had to wait to hear more.
I took him to the stage and asked if he wanted to learn
to play the guitar like Reed and he said, “No, I want to
play THAT …” and pointed at a keyboard that was set
up for the band coming on later.
When he was working on a project for school at the
beginning of this year, he had to list three goals for
2019. While he listed his “big” goal as being better at
coloring in the lines, he included learning to play the
piano on the list. He now attends a music class every
Tuesday evening and I went to one of his lessons with
him a few weeks ago. Of course, he wanted to “win”
and be the best at everything in his class of four kids
but he was having fun and he was just as determined
to learn as he was to win.
I suppose we are all born with some degree of that
confidence. We change because we gain experience.
Sadly, we become experienced in disappointment, in
broken trusts, in embarrassment, in failure to varying
degrees. We develop personalities, we absorb the
world around us and we want to protect ourselves
from repeating unpleasant experiences. We become
concerned with coloring in the lines.
I hope my young friend continues to pursue his passion
for music, and I secretly hope he doesn’t concentrate
on coloring in the lines, either literally or figuratively. I
hope he never gets too grown up to call me “Lady” and
I hope I can help him re-interpret the lines and make
the boundaries his own so he can color wherever the
crayons take him.
12
Stay inside the lines.

Love Kills
The assassination of
Kurt Cobain
About Love Kills:
Love Kills offers the most insightful
explanation as yet offered for the
mysterious death of Kurt Cobain, the
great radical poet, rock star and
alternative social leader.
It does not solve the crime, but
Harrison opens the door to the inner
chamber. The reader is forced to
make the Þnal decision, almost like a
member of a jury.
Hank Harrison’s touching account of
Cobain’s life and death includes
many revealing photographs plus
anecdotes and pictures from his
family archives. 380 Pages, over 100
illustrations.
Paperback: $24.95. Bulk discounts to
libraries and independent bookstores.
NOT AVAILABLE IN BOOKSTORES AT THIS TIME!
Buy your signed copy directly from the publisher:
Arkives Press, P.O.B. 1221, Galt, California, 95632
Email and PayPal: lovekillsbook@gmail.com
Also available from AMAZON: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Kills-Assassination-Kurt-Cobain/dp/0918501024/
ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1543000889&sr=8-1&keywords=love+kills+the+assassination+of+kurt+cobain

Become a
Music Critic!
Follow These 7 Easy-Peasy Rules!
This is a public service announcement and an
economic stimulus package. At great peril to myself,
I am going to reveal to you the Great Inner Secrets of
the Royal Ancient Order of Hip Music Writers. Follow
these seven simple rules and you too can land a job as
a music critic! Soon you’ll be “farting about gardening”
(see Rule No. 3), collecting groupies, and being allowed
the privilege of cleaning the crotch sweat from T-Pain’s
“The Masked Singer” costume.
1 Don’t suck up to the stars! If T-Pain says he will let
you clean the crotch sweat from his “Masked Singer”
monster-thingy costume in return for a five-star review
of his concert or new CD, don’t fall for it! Journalistic
ethics mandate that you hold out for one favor for
EACH star in your rating.
2 Never use the word “hip.” Never.
3 Remember, as hip comedian-musician Martin Mull
famously said, “Writing about music is like farting about
gardening.” Or maybe it was “like scooping up dog
turds about literature.” Or maybe he said “Writing about
music is like dancing about architecture.” Anyway, you
get the idea – because I sure as hell feckin’ don’t.
4 When mini-skirted, chesty babes come up to you as
you’re taking notes while reviewing a concert, and they
coo, “Oooooo, I love your adjectives!” – ignore them!
Remember, you have a job to do. (OK, that’s
never happened to me – but it could! Same
with that “collecting groupies” thing.)
14
by Rick de Yampert
5 When reviewing a CD, you really should listen to it
at least once. Yeah, I know – you can glean everything
you need to know about an album from its cover.
(Except Led Zeppelin IV – if you come across my
review of Zoso talking about all the Moldavian peasant
folk songs, please ignore.) However, in most cases
actually listening to an album will enrich your review
with all sorts of . . . what are those things called? Oh,
yeah – insights. As the critic, it’s your choice whether
to listen or not.
6 Amendment to Rule No. 4: What the hell. If a babe
wants to do the horizontal bop with you because she
loves your adjectives -- and because she thinks it will
get her access to T-Pain’s sweaty costume -- then go
for it. You sure as hell aren’t going to make mega-bucks
doing this music critic gig.
7 Remember that you are dictating to the little people
What They Should Be Listening to If They Had Any
Feckin’ Sense and Taste and a Smattering of Hipness.
You are fulfilling a sacred duty! The hoi polloi are too
stupid to know that the music they like and listen to is
actually really shitty, and they must be led to the good
stuff like swine to the trough.
(Oh wait. I wasn’t supposed to reveal THAT Great
Inner Secret of the Royal Ancient Order of Hip Music
Writers. Ms. Editor, please strike No. 7 from this list.
Thank you.)

Iremember when Janis Joplin died.
October 4, 1970. I was standing in the
audience next to Ken Kesey, watching the
electricity arc in the rafters at a Grateful Dead
concert at Winterland in San Francisco. There
was a long silence on stage and finally Bobby Weir
stepped up to the mic to make the announcement.
The audience went deaf, dumb and blind.
Pig-Pen had trouble singing that night. He and
Janis were an on-again off-again thaaang, back
in the day. I think he sang Easy Wind and Hard to
Handle… a Dead Base expert will have to correct
me on that, but when he was done singing he
just quit. He was sobbing and starting on the
forbidden Wild Turkey when Bobby Petersen and
I walked him to the taxi. All Pig could say was, “It
was that Seth dude, Seth, that bastard.”
“Oh, you mean the guy with the S&M leather gear?”
“Yeah that’s him.” “Tex, man, I’m gonna miss her.”
Ron always called Janis Tex.
Petersen escorted Pig-Pen to the Mars Hotel,
Bobbie’s favorite South of Market dive, probably
to help him polish off the hooch, and because
Ron couldn’t be trusted to drive home across the
Golden Gate Bridge all the way to Novato in his
condition.
Remembering
Janis Joplin
Jan 19, 1943 - Oct 4, 1970
16
By Hank Harrison
Janis was with Seth Morgan earlier on the night
she died. They were crashing in a cheap hotel
in West Hollywood, they didn’t really have to go
that cheap, but they were into smack and that
was the right neighborhood to score Meth and
various opiates. Seth was Janis’s sort-of, kindof
boyfriend, dope dealer and personal road
manager, but when her body was found Seth
managed to evaporate.
Still there’s more to it. Like the Cobain case,
Joplin’s death takes on byzantine dimensions.
It turns out Seth was into bondage, wore black
halters and studded gear in public—pretty odd for
those days, now it’s all the big deal. According
to Pig-Pen, Seth was supposed to be “There” for
Janis, but when the cops got to the bedside Seth
was gone and there was no dope to be found,
except “in” Janis, who was on the floor... dead.
We blamed Seth but nobody else made much of
his involvement.

The whole sick idea of heroin chique comes back into
view here. It’s all about the privileged classes taking
advantage of the peasants. Seth Morgan was the son
of George Frederick Morgan, heir to the Ivory Soap
fortune, so he was rich. But the father was also an
ironically good poet, and co-founder cum long-time
editor of The Hudson Review.
Seth fell very far from the family tree. He briefly attended
Cal Berkeley, after getting kicked out of a dozen posh
eastern schools, but as soon as he met Janis, her
career became his raison d’etre. When she died most
people in our crowd knew Seth was her dope facilitator
and she kind of fell to the lower depths after meeting
him, in spite of her fame, money and her star rising.
Big Brother protected her, but once she left our crowd,
she was fair game.
As far as my Big Brother/Quicksilver/Dead/Airplane
connections were concerned Seth just dropped into
obscurity. I thought he blew town entirely, that is until
Seth came back like a crank dealer pushing his final
bag. Turns out he was just laying low and hanging with
a different crowd all those years.
Part of that time Seth was in prison for dealing dope,
doing some violent robberies, beating the shit out of a
dude and other bad actions. His jail-time had nothing
directly to do with Janis’ death, but he used his time in
San Quentin to work at the family gig - he wrote a book.
Homeboy, was a fictionalized and self-aggrandizing
confessional about heroin addicts, jewel thieves and
convicts. In Homeboy, Morgan avoided talking about
Janis, but used several experiences from his own life,
including time spent as a barker at strip clubs in the
Tenderloin and on the Barbary Coast—where, he says
he once met Courtney Love. The 30 months he spent
in jail for armed robbery in the mid 1970s got him a
jail-house reputation and after he got out he came-on
like a thug.
Ironically, while incarcerated, Morgan won the P.E.N.
essay contest for convicts. This ain’t saying much since
Eldridge Cleaver won the same award a decade earlier
for Soul on Ice and Eldridge ran for President while his
book sold millions of copies, but still Seth got his book
out, probably though pulling east-coast family strings.
In the spring of 1990, the publication of Homeboy led to
a few positive reviews and book-signing gigs in several
cities, including San Francisco, where 17 years earlier
he had impaled a bystander’s hand with a buck-knife
during one of his aforementioned armed robberies.
Like Basketball Diaries, Homeboy was another one
of those heroin-is-cool books. When Homeboy was
released, Courtney Love’s grunge pals were on it like
white on rice. Nick Cave, Lydia Lunch, and Thurston
Moore of Sonic Youth touted it. But hardly anyone
knew the incredibly fucked-up back-story or anything
about Seth and Janis. It was just something new for the
jejune Burroughs and Bukowski crowd. Suddenly this
slick gangster was the dope guru of all the Riot Grrrls.
Predictably Seth’s moment on “sunshine” didn’t last
long. It was shorter than Warhol’s 15 minutes and
deservedly so. Seth didn’t really do anything but waste
away. On October 16, 1990. Morgan was arrested
in New Orleans for DUI. The next day, out on bail,
he grabbed his girlfriend Suzy Levine, got drunk and
crashed his Harley Road King into an iron freeway pillar
overlooking the Mississippi river, killing both riders.
According to their autopsies, both had high alcohol
levels and significant amounts of cocaine in their blood.
In February 1991, in a typically lame attempt to be hip,
Esquire ran an obituary on Seth, but it didn’t mention
Janis Joplin.
From her throne in rock and roll heaven, I wonder what
Janis thinks now? Pig-Pen never recovered either.
17

W
CROSS
R
D
18

Sept 3, 1977 - Englishtown, New Jersey:
G RATEFU L
DEAD
Marshall Tucker Band
New Riders of the Purple Stage
By Les Kippel
Englishtown Race Track, a track that was built
for drag racing, became home to a once in a
lifetime concert by the Grateful Dead.
John Scher, a New Jersey promoter, who
owned the Capitol Theater in Passaic, NJ, was
one of the Grateful Dead’s biggest promoters.
The Grateful Dead had outgrown small venues
in the New York area and found it difficult to
locate larger venues
to play to the
ever-increasing
audience of Dead
Heads.
John Scher had
a lot to overcome
for this show, and
many of the local
towns tried to stop
it from happening.
He created what
he thought would
be an impenetrable
ring of transocean
shipping containers
(what you see carried
by semi-trucks) around the the field. 105,000
people paid to see the show, but estimates were
that 45,000 more helped each other scale the
containers.
Photo by Les Kippel
Through Mickey Hart’s grandparents (known
as Grandpa and Grandma Tessel), I ended up
with a backstage pass. I was there for the sound
check, which sometimes gives you an insight
into the show before it happens!
Well, you know where this story is going! I had
my camera... I’m on the side of the stage, and
Bob Weir reaches down into a guitar case a
pulls out a double
neck guitar. I am
assuming an Ibanez,
as that is what he
played.
He literally played
the guitar for 1
minute. Enough for
me to grab this
picture. Imagine -
150,000 people at
this concert, and this
is the only picture
of Bob Weir testing
out this guitar.
He did not play it
during the show, and to the best of my knowledge,
never played this guitar in concert ever!
Oh yeah... I had a camera... I assume I took a lot
of pictures, but this is the only one I have found
in my collection from that show!
19

APRIL
2019
20
Community Events

21

ARTIST
FEATURE
Denise Vezza Maggiore,
Bachelor of Fine Arts
This month, we are proud to highlight the art of Denise
Vezza Maggiore. Denise grew up in the Chicago area and
lived in Illinois or Wisconsin until the economy went upside
down. In 2010, she made an extreme move to Colorado, a
place she had dreamed of in her youth, and started over.
While her children were young, she was a commercial artist
and photographer to fulfill her artistic impulses. In 2014 she
started painting and drawing again with renewed inspiration
and drive. She joined some creative groups, taught beginning
art classes and began publishing reproductions of my work.
If you ask her what brought her to Florida, her usual reply
is “My husband and a 26’ truck!” She met Francesco while
she was studying Fine Art at Illinois State University. After
she earned her Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree in 1981, Denise
moved north while Francesco and his family moved south,
eventually landing in the New Smyrna Beach area. Francesco
went to Colorado for a friendly visit, and never left! They
decided that they wanted to be more than old-long-distancefriends
and to do life together. They eloped and became a
team to be reckoned with combining art and music. They were
commissioned to write a song,”Neveah”, for Chase the Music
and performed it twice at their events. While in Colorado they
were members of the Left Hand Artist Group (Francesco
makes beautiful baskets), and participated in the music and
art scene that grew from 200 to 1200 members during that
time. They did live art and music at Spiritual events, street
fairs, music and art festivals, interactive art shows, and other
community events throughout Boulder County Colorado.
They stayed in Colorado for 3 winters, but The Sunshine State
was calling to them! Since moving to Florida in 2018, Denise
has exhibited at Hottie Coffee Roasters twice; did a pop-up
show at the Off the Wall Gallery in January; and hosted a
booth at the February 2019 Art Walk in New Smyrna Beach.
Artist Statement:
“Being an Artist is not what I do, but who I am and how I approach
life. Every new situation demands a creative approach for the
best solution, and that comes from an unbridled imagination.
Albert Einstein used to say that imagination was more
important than education. I know that is true!! Everything that
can be done or made is at FIRST in the imagination of the
person who creates or does. Education teaches how people
handled life issues in the past – imagination reveals our
future!”
22
“I’ve been a creative soul since childhood, creating art to
express my inner thoughts and emotions. Each piece is a
Visual Reflection of my Spiritual Journey, things I see in my
dreams or during quiet times of meditation and prayer. I look
to distill these visions into a single moment to symbolize the
eternal and spiritual aspects of life using abstract symbolism
combined with earthly and cosmic elements.Through my art
I hope to interact with whoever views them and touch their
personal experiences; to explore new ways of understanding
the physical and metaphysical worlds; to evoke a deeper
understanding and appreciation of life; and to see the inherent
beauty of all people. Another level of interaction some of them
also have a Poetic Word.”

23

The Story
of
the
Sauce
Boss
By Bill Wharton
I got ahold of some datil peppers and planted the
seeds, never thinkin’ I would actually sell peppers.
Around that time, I was growing something that brought
more of a financial yield. (See The Life and Times of
Blind Boy Billy); however, I love hot peppers and would
make my own sauce from the garden using jalapeños
for a heat source. Immediately realizing the unique
character of the datils, I began experimenting with
different recipes. Not only is the flavor a unique, robust,
sweet funk, the heat is a creeper burn, coming up slow,
from the bottom. The full effect of the capsicum takes
about 15 seconds to arrive. First you have this thick
complex flavor, then after about 10 seconds you feel
the initial burn. About five seconds later, the warmth
of the mids pops through. And this last little bit is what
swells like a symphony in your mouth after you finish.
Those 10 seconds before the heat arrives gives you all
time to taste the other ingredients. A compassionate
habanero. Most of the datil sauces out there are like
a spicy ketchup. What I aimed for was something
different. Somewhere between a Louisiana hot sauce
and a Caribbean salsa. That’s where Florida is at,
geographically. Sooo, why not chunky veggies chopped
into a pepper-vinegar base? I wanted a personal stash
of excellent flavor Well, I made some sauce and it was
gone in no time. After they tasted it, my friends wanted
some. I would make a gallon, and it would be history
within a week. If all these people were gonna
come to my house and eat up all my sauce, I
was gonna bottle it up and sell it to ‘em.
24
I bought a pressure cooker and a rototiller. I got a semitruckload
of mushroom compost dumped in my yard,
and I was feeling good. That was a big ol’ pile of doodoo.
Y’all know how I like doo-doo. I grew a bunch of
datils, made some sauce, and called it Liquid Summer.
And Brothers and Sisters, I’m here to tell you: Liquid
Summer changed my life! I started giving my audience
a taste of my hot sauce.
Liquid Summer had legs, and it was walking briskly
out the door. After they tasted a sample on a chip or
cracker, they laid their money down. People began
calling me the Sauce Boss. It was all coming together.
At the sessions for The Sauce Boss album, I met Kenny
Neal’s parents, Raful and Shirley Neal. Raful was
laying down tracks of his Baton Rouge swamp blues,
while Shirley was in the kitchen making gumbo, and I
was watching. Right then I realized that Liquid Summer
would make a gumbo jump and shout! Yes. Shirley’s
Louisiana gumbo recipe combined with that creeper
burn, made a very distinctive gumbo. Hmm…so on
December 31, 1989, I made gumbo for my audience,
and I gave it away for free. Way over 200,000 bowls
of free gumbo later….here we are.
Sauceboss.com
Planetgumbo.org
Blind Boy Billy
The Life and Times of Blind boy Billy

The NEED That
SURROUNDS Us
CONNECTS Us
That headline may sound a little like Obi-Wan Kenobi
talking about the Force, but really, there’s not that much
difference. The Swamp Sistas community is most
certainly a force and we are connected by the need
that surrounds us. Each Spring, the Swamp Sistas
host multiple events celebrating music, food, art and
friendship. The purpose behind these gatherings is the
‘doing of good deeds together’ and it all culminates with
our Swamp Sistas La La at Orlando Fringe Fest, on
Saturday, May 18. We love helping out in our Central
Florida community, and having that mission makes us
feel good about ourselves and each other.
What’s the mission?
Over the past few years, we’ve become aware of an
urgent need in the fight against local childhood hunger,
particularly over the Summer months, when no school
means no school breakfast or lunch. Without adequate
nutrition, children struggle to learn, thrive and grow,
much less enjoy a summer break, and it happens a
lot more than any of us would care to admit. It’s hard
to think about a child going hungry but it’s important
to step out of our comfort zone and consider what so
many are going through.
What’s for dinner?
That’s when many families sit at the table and enjoy a
meal together, sharing details about their school, work
or play day, but what if there is no table? What if there is
not any food? What if, for one reason or another, there
are no parents present as daylight fades to darkness?
What if you have younger siblings who are hungry, too?
It’s heartbreaking to consider how many
children experience some version of this
reality: One in four kids in Central Florida
is at risk of going to bed hungry tonight.
26
By Beth McKee
Childhood Hunger in Central Florida
is a real problem
I asked one of the Sistas, an educator in an
impoverished community, to share a little about the
struggle of childhood hunger. This woman has immense
dedication to her students and to helping them beat the
odds, stacked against them through no fault of their
own, to grow up and lead happy, productive lives. I’m
proud to know her and especially proud to call her my
“Sista.” She humbly requested to remain anonymous,
but if you attend one of our events, you’re very likely to
meet her. She’s super enthusiastic and almost always
in attendance with family and friends in tow. Here’s
what she had to say about childhood hunger.
A few years ago, I accepted a position as Director
of a low-income school in the Orlando area. I was a
seasoned teacher and thought I had seen everything.
I quickly knew I had a lot to learn. The first week of
school I noticed children were hungry upon arrival each
morning and brought no lunch with them. One day at
school, a student was throwing away an unwrapped
sandwich in the trash just because he didn’t want it.
Another student saw this and ran up to him and said
“STOP! Are you throwing that sandwich away? Can I
have it? Dude, I’ve been hungry before. Don’t ever just
throw food away!”
This story is true, and it happens every day here in
Florida, where the childhood food insecurity rate is
28% and where food banks have been distributing food
at disaster levels for the past 3 years. We would all
share the food we have with a hungry child but we may
not know how to go about that.

How do we get food to hungry children?
The Swamp Sistas partner with Second Harvest Food
Bank of Central Florida and our La La Fund Drive
benefits the Summer Food for Kids Program which
prepares, packages and distributes nutritious meals
and snacks, free of charge, to kids and teens ages
18 and under. This past Summer, Second Harvest
provided over 280,000
breakfasts, lunches
and snacks to 118 sites
in 6 counties, and we
helped! Our 2018 La
La fund drive provided
over 130,000 of those
meals, and we’re ready
to do it again in 2019.
Photo Credit: Angel Lalumondier
Photo Credit: Angel Lalumondier Photo Credit: Angel Lalumondier
Anyone can help, anytime!
All of the 2019 upcoming La La Events are free to
attend; we simply ask that folks toss whatever they
can into the pot for the fund drive. We will also present
our fundraising efforts online, making it super easy
to make a difference anytime using your computer,
tablet or smartphone. We love giving our generous
friends lots of opportunities to chip in, whether it’s with
a financial contribution or by volunteering at the Food
Bank with us at our Volunteer Jam on Wednesday
May 1st. It’s also very helpful when friends share
our social media posts about the fund drive and
corresponding events, so really, ANYONE can help,
ANYTIME. Our tag is @swampsistas and Second
Harvest’s is @feedhopenow.
Second Harvest does a tremendous job of getting
nutritious food into kids’ bellies over the summer
months and we love being a part of the ‘goodness.’
Wouldn’t you like to be a part of it, too? Visit www.
swampsistas.com to check out the events and sign
up for email updates so we can keep you posted.
We would very much love
to have you join our
community.
Swamp Sistas La La
at Fringe on May 18
We’ll announce the total
amount raised at our
Swamp Sistas La La
Music and Art Fest in
Loch Haven Park (3-11pm).
Join us for a great
time and throw a little
something in the pot
to help feed some kids
this summer.
27

How many #1 Albums does Lady Gaga have?
Who was Gaga’s date to her first MTV VMAs in 2009?
In her high school yearbook, Lady Gaga (Stefani
Germanotta) said which singer was her male
equivalent?
In 2008, Gaga recorded the song “Fashion” for
the soundtrack to “Confessions of a Shopaholic”.
Who originally recorded the song?
Gaga is listed in the 2012 Guiness Book of World
Records for what achievement?
Gaga claimed this unlikely singer created “one of
the greatest pop records ever”.
28
Lady Gaga performed at which American Music
Festival in 2007?
Answers on Page 34

Rocktails
with Katie
I’ve got nothing but love and respect for Sir Elton Hercules
John. The internationally loved Rocket Man is a multiple
Grammy-winning legend. A one of a kind singer, songwriter,
show-stealing pianist and genius composer. Fusing pop
and rock from the beginning of his career turned him into
a music mega-force. As one of the top acts of the 1970s,
Elton quickly became famous for his live shows.
All eyes on Elton. He dressed in fabulous, overthe-top
costumes and glasses for his elaborate
concerts. In an interview with “W”, John explained
that “I wasn’t a sex symbol like Bowie or Freddie
Mercury so I dressed more on the humorous side,
because if I was going to be stuck at the piano for
two hours, I was going to make people look at me.”
To date EHJ, my knight in feather boa, has achieved
38 gold and 31 platinum or multi-platinum albums.
He has sold more than 300 million records
worldwide while holding the record for the biggest
selling single of all time, Candle In The Wind
1997. Since launching his first tour in 1970,
Elton has over 4,000 performances in more than
80 countries to his credit. Sir Elton John once
explained, “For me, music is so passionate, I
have to give it my all every time I go onstage.
Onstage, it was always comfortable for me,
because that’s where I felt at home.”
Rocket Man on the Keys
1.75 oz Plymouth Gin
.25 oz Bauchant orange cognac
based liqueur
.75 oz strawberry raspberry jam
.75 oz fresh lemon juice
Splash of champagne over top
30
Add all ingredients into your favorite cocktail
shaker then pack with ice. Shake it like a tiny
dancer! Strain cocktail into a chilled cocktail
glass. Garnish with basil and freshly carved
orange peel. Sip, savor and repeat!

Original Music Manifesto
It’s hard for a musician to be a promoter for many
reasons, but particularly because a musician wants to
be on stage. That’s why typically, a good promoter is not
a musician, but is rather an avid music fanatic. While
the musician works at their craft, organizes rehearsals,
brands their band and such, it is the promoter who
does the leg work leading into the live show.
It is the promoter that schmoozes the venue owner
and puts their neck out on the line to give your original
band that opportunity to play. The promoter works with
the graphic designer, the printer, the news outlets. The
promoter is hyping up the bands before, during, and
after the show. They work with the beer companies
and local beer distributor to finance the back end of the
show, to pay for those posters, flyers, ads, and maybe
even the billboard. The promoter often is responsible
for the sound for the show and has to ask the sound
guys to work for less than they’re worth. They might
even have to work the door.
If a show goes sour, or your band was less than
professional, or attendance was atrocious, or bar sales
were slim, a fight broke out, the venue doesn’t want to
pay, anything negative at all, and it’s the promoter who
takes the blame from all sides.
You may have noticed, I have emphasized the “good”
promoter, that is because there is the counterpart of the
“bad” promoter. The bad promoter, who manipulates
and misleads, lies to bands or venues, keeps most of
the door for themselves, and who is out for their own
fame and fortune, hugely detracts from the local original
music scene. It’s a natural inclination of most people
and that’s why it takes a special kind of person to be
the good promoter. They’ve got to have such a love for
the music and musicians and tough enough skin that
they are able to suffer the slings and arrows of the local
music scenes’ darker side.
By C. August Wenger
In Daytona, a particular promoter comes to mind, Mark
Rosenthal of the Seabreeze Entertainment District.
He’s been putting on shows in Daytona Beach Area for
over 10 years and today he is not only a good promoter,
but a serious talent buyer for such local venues as
Rok Bar and the Roof. He manages several clubs and
restaurants in a strip of the beachside known as “The
District.” He is responsible for some of the best acts
from around the country playing Daytona and Florida in
the last few years and has put over 500 acts on various
stages.
I asked Mark why and how he does it. He replied, “For
me, it’s all about family, the family you adopt, and that
adopt you. Like a family, we have our differences and
problems come up, but we stick together, love each
other, and the scene grows and gets stronger from it.
The musicians, the other promoters and talent buyers,
the festival coordinators, the sound guys, the vendors,
sponsors, beer reps, right down to the door guys and
the bartenders, when we all come together for the love
of music, Boom! We make magic happen.”
If your town has a good promoter, the next time you
see them, be sure to show them some love. If your
town is lacking a good promoter maybe you have the
people skills, the negotiating skills, the temperament
and undying love of live music to do the job. Your town
needs you because an original music culture can’t
flourish without one.
Next month I showcase the local music columnist
and their important role in highlighting the local music
scene and peaking the interest of
the locals in local original music.
Thanks for reading and go buy
a ticket to a show online ahead
of time, your local promoter will
appreciate that.
31

The
SOUR GRAPES
of
WRATH
By
Candice Beu
We can all get disappointed, tired, angry and
defensive when our valiant efforts at success seem
to fail over a long period of time. But what do you do
when you hit that catalyst moment, that tipping point
between giving up and giving it one more go? Do
you throw a fit, throw in the towel or propel yourself
forward? When your once optimistic dreams seem
more and more out of reach do you whine to anyone
who will listen, blaming the fruit, the vine and
everything under the sun for those grapes being so
far away? Or do you start to figure out a new way
to extend yourself and your tools that little bit further
so you can knock some grapes loose and turn them
into a fine wine?
Most musicians, artists and entertainers come to
a point in their lives and careers where they start
feeling old and over the game. They often start
playing the dangerous “what if” game in its place.
What if I did it all differently? What if I would have
taken that gig, did that tour, wrote that song, followed
through on the right contacts and connections at
the right time ...years ago... where would I be now?
That line of questioning is a bottomless pity pit that
you will never fill. It’s hard to say whether you’d be
any worse or any better off than you are today.
32
A more productive way to play the “what if” game
is to use it as an innovative and motivational self
examination tool. What if I stopped wasting time on
the things I can’t control or change about the past?
What if I started applying myself and my gifts to
the current trends in order to change my present
circumstances? What if I set my sights ahead of
the curve and discovered new outlets for my self
expression? What if I stopped blaming others and
just started doing something, anything, other than
wallowing in old stories of victimization and defeat?
Excuses are easy. Action takes a lot more than that.
Motivation and productivity won’t just hit you, like
inspiration. You gotta make that shit happen. You
can’t wait around hoping to be motivated enough
to do something with your gifts or sit around in
hopes that someday someone will come knocking
down your door for your particular brand of talent.
You have to learn how to be self initiating. You are
the mill that creates the motivation that puts your
talents to work. You are the one who knocks.

So put your brain, your hands and your voice on
the payroll. Create your niche, find your audiences
and get to work on those micro movements.
Inspiration doesn’t spring up and opportunities
don’t come knocking until you put the time and
effort into reconnecting your physical body to the
spirit within and the world around you as it is today.
If you really want to get angry, then harness that
wrath productively. Get mad at inactivity. Get mad
at lethargy. Get mad at the useless old habits that
keep you down but don’t waste energy arguing for
your limitations, fighting the past or taking it out on
the grapes. It’s not the grapes’ fault. In traditional
culinary, if you do get a bag of sour grapes and
still want to use them, the suggestion is to turn the
heat up and roast em. If you tend to get nothing
but bitterness from your old memories, maybe it’s
time to throw them on the fire. Burn them up, let
them go or roast them ‘til you find the sweet humor
behind the disappointment. You either have to move
on or repurpose the old into something fresh and
innovative. Most importantly you have to own your
own journey and be accountable for your choices.
It’s essential to survival in this realm, period.
The only constant in life is change so you gotta
practice embracing the challenges of change and
shift your perspective on how you identify with it. Go
with what the energies are presenting you with in the
present moment and make it work, as Tim Gunn says.
Life is too short and opportunities fly by too fast to get
sidetracked by what I call the Uncle Rico syndrome.
If you’ve seen the movie “Napoleon Dynamite” then
you know that the character of Uncle Rico lives in
the “what if” world of his 1982 high school football
heydays. “If only” is his anthem and his armor. Don’t
be an Uncle Rico. Better to be a Pedro and do
something proactive and outrageous to make your
wildest dreams come true.
33

Crossword Puzzle on Page 18
Trivia Questions on Page 28
How many #1 Albums does Lady Gaga have?
A: Currently, she has three chart-topping albums: ‘Born This Way’ was her first in 2011, ‘Artpop’ followed in
2013, and ‘Cheek to Cheek’ with Tony Bennett also hit No. 1 in 2014. “The Fame peaked at #2 and “Fame
Monster at #5.
Who was Gaga’s date to her first MTV VMAs in 2009?
A: Kermit the Frog
.
In her high school yearbook, Lady Gaga (Stefani Germanotta)said which singer was her male
equivalent?
A: Boy George! She also said her dream was “headlining Madison Square Garden” and her pet peeve was
“’ordinary’ people”.
In 2008, Gaga recorded the song “Fashion” for the soundtrack to “Confessions of a Shopaholic”. Who
originally recorded the song?
A: Heidi Montag. Gaga wrote the lyrics with super-producer RedOne and gave it to the “The Hills” star. While
Montag’s version leaked to the Internet, Gaga’s was the one released on the official soundtrack.
Gaga is listed in the 2012 Guiness Book of World Records for what achievement?
A: Gaga was listed as the person with the most followers on Twitter with over 13 million.
Gaga claimed this unlikely singer created “one of the greatest pop records ever”.
A: Paris Hilton - Lady Gaga loves her hit “Stars are Blind”.
34
Lady Gaga performed at which American Music Festival in 2007?
A: Lollapalooza

Phantom Foodie
This month, I decided to write about one of my favorite
places that is a surprise to some people: Colt’s Pig Stand
at Destination Daytona.
The first time I ate at Colt’s Pig Stand, I was on my way
to The White Eagle to see Big Engine perform. We
stopped there because it was on the way from Ormond
Beach to the White Eagle so it was convenient. We were
pleasantly surprised. I had, admittedly, avoided it before
that night because it just seemed too “touristy”, being right
off of I-95 and at the edge of Destination
Daytona (I was certain the prices would be
high and the food mediocre at best). That
visit really opened my eyes to what I had
been missing, even though I had been so
close to it on so many occasions.
The restaurant is clean and organized and
has some playful, interesting decorating
touches. The seating options are numerous
and seating is plentiful – you can sit outside
on a covered patio or inside, where there
are both high top tables at the front of the building and
also regular tables towards the back. You order at the
counter and pay for your meal, then place the number
they give you on your table and they bring it to you when
your order is complete. You serve yourself soft drinks,
water or iced tea from the beverage bar area; they also
have a beer cooler as you walk up to place your order and
I believe they also have a few draft selections.
The food is delivered quickly and there are staff to check
on you as you enjoy your meal. I have always experienced
excellent service time and friendliness from the staff
here. My favorite menu item, by far, is Onion Rings. No
matter what I order otherwise, no matter if I am dieting,
no matter who I am with, I ALWAYS order their onion
rings. They are always hot, the breading is amazing, and
the portion plentiful. I have had brisket, turkey, beef and
pork in various preparations here. My favorite entrees
are the brisket and the turkey sandwich (if you get our
sandwich on a bun, they have a fun “brand”
they stamp into the top of the bun). They have
“down home” side dishes, such as collard
greens, black eyed peas, and macaroni and
cheese (but really, get the onion rings). They
also have a kids’ menu, salads, wings and
delicious looking desserts (I think the carrot
cake has at least eight layers).
I have been back many, many times since that
evening and it is one of my favorite Sunday
treats before hitting up the jam session at
Saints and Sinners or the Beaver Bar down the street for
some music in the afternoon. Do yourself a favor if you
are in the area (or make a special trip if you aren’t in the
area) – even if you just go get some onion rings and a
beer, go by Colt’s Pig Stand and I bet you will make it a
regular stop.
Stay tuned – next month we will feature a restaurant
requested by one of our readers – can’t wait to try it out!
35

Behind the Mic: Riggs
Hello again, friends. One of the most satisfying feelings
I get doing the morning radio show is prompting a
laugh. Whether it comes from my co-hosts, a listener, or
finding out weeks later that something I said or did made
somebody laugh, nothing matches that good vibe. Just
like a lot of people, I have been chasing that feeling for a
long time. The biggest leap into that quest was my shot at
stand-up comedy.
I was a member of the University Union as a student at
the University of Georgia. My role was to assist in the
production of their events and comedy shows. When the
budget allowed, they would bring national comedians to
the Tate Theater and my role often involved transporting
these comics to and from the airport, hotel and campus.
It was a great opportunity to get to know some of these
pros that I spent countless hours watching on late night
talk shows and comedy programs. “An Evening At The
Improv” was one of those shows that defined 80’s standup
comedy. Brick wall backdrop, mic on a stand and a
stool... those were the tools of the trade. So I absorbed as
much as I could from these comedians in hopes of being
one of them. And there were some great moments, like
when Gary Shandling invited some of us to Bennigans
after a show and then name checked me from the stage
the following night and returned our money, saying we
shouldn’t have to pay to see him. And that time I drove
comedian/actress Marsha Warfield to a drug store for
some feminine hygiene shopping. Or the time I drove
a very calm and quiet Gilbert Gottfried to the airport and
discussed bad 1970’s crime shows. Just great memories
and opportunities.
But I had an unfortunate glitch in my memory where I
would get overwhelmed by nerves and forget my act,
often completely. So I would default to crowd work,
asking questions to individuals and hoping to remember
something I had planned while they answered. Nothing
matched that feeling of seeing all those silent faces
looking at me, waiting for something funny to slide out
while I was in the midst of a mental crisis. Having a
joke bomb is one thing but that feeling is pure terror.
I definitely should have used notes but it seemed so
taboo in that era, I just flew by the seat of my Chess
King electric blue pants. The late Richard Jeni was
one of the funniest acts I’d ever seen and gave me
some great advice after one of his shows, reminding
me that the audience doesn’t know your are bombing
until you let them know you are. He then proceeded
to run a character that had us exploding with laughter
while standing in a restaurant parking lot for 30 minutes.
Great times indeed.
So I wrote an act, borrowing or politely copying some ideas
from all of the comics I’d admired, and spiced it with my
own hyper lunacy. I entered several national competitions
through regional campus tryouts… Certs, MTV and more
sponsors put on these talent searches and I attempted
but never got beyond the initial 3-5 minute auditions. I
worked some small events and eventually got
to open for Jeff Altman. He was very funny off
stage as well, showing me how to use faces
and physical comedy to crack up a crowd.
36

95.7 the Hog, Daytona Beach
My big break came in the late ‘80s. I won a competition
and got the opening spot for a popular touring comedian
who I had seen on the late night talk shows... Jerry
Seinfeld. It was a big deal and I was equal parts excited
and terrified. So I worked up some new material and
installed two fail-safes. First, if I get no laughs, I read
bad poetry. Second, I needed a big prop close to
the act. Having watched a lot of Gallagher smashing
watermelons, I knew it had to involve food. So I took
the dozen different half-eaten boxes of cereal I had,
grabbed handfuls and decided to “juggle” them and
spew milk into the air, creating a vibrant and messy
ending to my set.
Now this was before there was a Seinfeld TV show but
his popularity was well established and the theater sold
out. I was given 7 minutes to entertain the 500+ in
attendance and the nerves did not take away my plan.
I told a couple of stories, a few hacky jokes, threatened
and then read some bad poetry, got some laughs, then
went for the big finish. Kaboom, Apple Jacks, Lucky
Charms, Frankenberry, Fruit Loops and more soared
into the air and I spewed a mouthful of milk into the mix
and walked off to a crowd that laughed and cheered
and seemed pleased with the mess I left on stage.
There was an intermission before Jerry took the stage
and so I retreated to the office to decompress, towel off
and get ready to go watch this icon do his work. But to
my amazement, Jerry walked into the office, introduced
himself, and sat down across from me.
I told him I was a fan and began to describe what I
had just done on stage. He stopped me and said, “Oh
no… I saw it” which blew me away as I had no idea he
was in the theater. He told me he watched from the
back then asked if he could give me some notes. I felt
frozen inside as I said “Of course, Mr. Seinfeld”. I was
now twice as nervous as I was on stage. He said he
liked my energy, cited one joke he thought was funny
and gave me an idea of how to phrase it differently.
He mentioned liking the poetry thing then spoke for
another minute or two but my hearing was overtaken
by the voice in my head saying “Holy shit! Jerry Friggin’
Seinfeld saw your act!”.
My stomach imploded. Think about it… this was like shanking
a drive in front of Tiger Woods and then that golf ball
breaks his patio door. This was like taking a dump on
Mozart’s piano. It was equivalent to spilling a bunch of
Jolt Cola on the court in front of Michael Jordan.
He seemed amused but also very serious about his
critique. He then said “And that cereal thing… did you
come up with that?”. I told him I wanted to have a big
finish and it had worked once before. He very dryly,
and in perfect “Seinfeld” manner, replied “I don’t think
you should do that anymore… I would recommend
never, ever doing that again”.
I think I stammered “OK” and he said he thought my
material could be good enough that I wouldn’t need
props or food. I thanked him for the thoughts and we
talked briefly about baseball, but it was an out-of-thisworld
experience that I still get clammy over today.
His show began thanking the audience for the warm
welcome and then he took a beat and said, “What in
the hell happened up here?” as he stared at the now
cleaned up remains of the mess I left on stage. He
followed with “Let’s hear it for Riggs…. Proving that
7 minutes can be a very, very, very long time.” Truer
words were never spoken. I never performed again.
I think I would be a bit better now with some public
speaking and broadcast experience, but I figure I made
my impact. And I got a private critique and stage shout
out from Jerry Seinfeld, so that’s as good as it gets. I
will, however, juggle cereal at your birthday party or
civic function. Hit me up.
Cheers!
RIGGS, GUY, & INTERN STEVE
The Morning HOG / 95.7 The HOG
Weekdays 5-10am
37

Queensryche with Fates Warning
On March at the Plaza Live, progressive metal giants Queensryche shared the stage with
Fates Warning for a fantastic evening of music. Hartford, Connecticut born Fates Warning
opened the show with a great display of 80’s style prog metal, but of course, headliners
Queensryche owned the night playing songs from most of their almost 40-year catalogue
ranging from “Queen of the Reich” to “Jet City Woman” to“Empire”, and of course the ballad
“ Silent Lucidity”. All in support of their most recent effort, The Verdict. Even several line-up
changes in the last few years had no adverse effect on the night’s fine performance. In my
opinion Todd La Torre, the newest vocalist, is here to say.
T.S.O.L.
Deland’s Cafe De Vinci played host to Long Beach, California’s punk rock legends T.S.O.L.
on Thursday February 21st. The packed crowd was blessed to witness three of the four
original members rip thru old school classics like “World War 111”, “Abolish Government”,
Silent Majority”, “Property Is Theft” and “Dance with Me” among others. The true sounds of
liberty were indeed alive and well.
Tesla
Sacramento, California’s hard rock band Tesla played to two sold out crowds on two
separate evenings in late February at Orlando’s House of Blues. Vocalist Jeff Keith’s raspy
voice was as good as ever only to be complemented by guitarist Frank Hannon’s mastery
of the 6-string. Highlights included gems like “Cumin’ Atcha Live”, “Modern Day Cowboy”,
“Changes”, “Breakin’ Free” and their classic cover song “Signs”. This band still sounds great
after all these years and still tours regularly. Electrical Engineer Nikola Tesla would be very proud.
New School Album of the Month:
Krisiun Scourge of the Enthroned
The latest release by Brazilian death metal trio Krisiun is not one to be overlooked. Scourge
of the Enthroned pummels the brain and wreaks havoc on the soul’s desire for true death
metal. Stand out tracks include “Demonic lll”, “Devouring Faith”, and “A Thousand Graves”.
This record rips from beginning to end and is highly recommended by the Metal Compost camp.
Old School Album of the Month
Lethal Programmed
In the year 1990, a little-known band from Kentucky named Lethal put out a little-known album
called Programmed. Released on Metal Blade records, this power/progressive metal album
was overshadowed by some of the other leading acts of this genre, notably Queensryche and
Fates Warning and make no mistake, the vocals reminisce of classic Geoff Tate
(Queensryche) and the guitar harmonies and melodies are done very well and this
album rocks from start to finish. Some tasty ditties indeed are “Fire In Your Skin”,
“Programmed”, “What They’ve Done”, and “Killing Machine”.
38

Gotha Location
April 1 - Open Mic
April 4 - Bobby Koelble
April 5 - Zack Marunick Duo
April 6 - Live Hart
April 11 - Seth Pause
April 12 - Diamond Dixie
April 13 - Run Raquel Band
April 15 - Open Mic
April 18 - Rafael Rodriguez
April 19 - Mud Rooster
April 20 - Dave and the Waverlys
April 25 - Erick Ruck
April 26 - JY Trio
April 27 - TBD
April 29 - Open Mic
1236 Hempel Ave.
Windermere 34786
(407) 296-0609
DOG FRIENDLY
LIVE MUSIC
YellowDogEats.com
New Smyrna Location
April 4 - Colt Hall
April 6 - The Evening Muze
April 7 - Rammer
April 11 - Stephanie Schaffer
April 12 - Gina Cuchetti
April 13 - Warren Beck
April 18 - Claire Vandiver
April 19 - The Cyclones
April 20 - Brent Clowers
April 25 - Beartoe
April 26 - The Transfers
April 27 - Nate Utley
147 Canal St.
New Smyrna Beach 32168
(386) 410-4824
Open every day at 11am