Static Live Magazine April 2019

staticlive

Become a Music Critic!

Follow These 7 Easy-Peasy Rules!

The

SOUR GRAPES of WRATH

The Story

of

the

Sauce Boss

The NEED That

SURROUNDS Us

CONNECTS Us

Lady Gaga

PregNant

with #LG6


BEACHSIDE TAVERN

NEW SMYRNA BEACH’S BEST ORIGINAL LIVE MUSIC VENUE

G-Love

WEDNESDAY MAY 15TH

with Special Guest:

The Ries Brothers

8PM/$20

www.BeachsideTavern.com-690 E. 3rd St. NSB-FB.com/BeachsideTavernNSB


Gabriel Crystal

This month’s Goddess from Premier Model Management is Gabriela Crystal.

In her own words …

“My name is Gabriela Crystal; Crystal as in healing crystals, which I like collecting.

I enjoy reading and collecting books as well. I love going to the beach and

everything beach related - I go as often as I can.”

“My favorite band of all time is Fleetwood Mac. I grew up listening to them with my

mother, who is a Stevie Nicks fan. I would love to be able to see them in concert

someday! I am also into 90’s rock bands like Nirvana and Mazzy Star.”

Oh My...Goddess

“I recently started modeling with Premier Model Management I am so thankful for

all the doors they have opened for me and cannot wait to see what the future holds

in this industry.”

Photo credit: Mandy Lynn 3


“Don’t ever let a soul in the world tell you

that you can’t be exactly who you are.”

~ Lady Gaga

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Oh My Goddess

Too Far Gone

A Day in the Life of a Gigging Musician

Lady Gaga: Pregnant with #LG6

Coloring in the Lines

Become a Music Critic!

Follow these 7 Easy-Peasy Rules

Remembering Janis Joplin - By Hank Harrison

Pics from the Past -

September 3, 1977 By Les Kippel

Static Live Calendar

Artist Feature - Denise Vezza Maggiore

The Story of the Sauce Boss

The Need that Surrounds Us, Connects Us

Rocktails

The Sour Grapes of Wrath

Phantom Foodie

Metal Compost

Behind the Mic

STUDIOS

DREAM. CREATE.

Static Live Media Group, LLC

927 S. Ridgewood Ave., Suite A5

Edgewater, FL 32132

386-847-2716 www.staticlivemag.com

Making great music since 1999

Billy Chapin, Owner/Publisher

Sean Impara, Co-Owner/Writer

Jenny McLain, Editor/Dir Operations

Jamie Lee, Director of Sales

Nicole Henry, Graphic Artist

Blake Abbey, Staff Photographer

COVER ART BY GARY KROMAN

© All Rights Reserved 2019

For scheduling, Contact Sean at (386) 847-2716


TOO FAR

GONE

By Jamie Lee & Brie Christian

6

There are a million reasons to fly halfway around the

world; visiting Thailand is one of them.

The city of Bangkok boasts architectural genius around

every corner, creating perfect illusions that made me so

happy I could die. My sister and I visited Wat Arun,

or Ratchawararam Ratchawaramahawihan; a Buddhist

temple, known also as the Temple of the Dawn and

climbing the many stairs up makes you feel like an angel

coming down having just possibly touched the sky.

Combing the city, trying the street food, seeing naked

children everywhere- their parents looking as if it is no

big deal-they were born this way, it is hard not to feel like

you have stepped out of the norm and into the bizarre.

Food markets are everywhere you look, including a

food market on train tracks - Maeklong Railway market

is considered one of the most dangerous in the world;

we must give the people their applause for risking their

lives daily just to make a few baht. Risking your life as

a tourist mainly involves crossing the street. With no

real crosswalks and cars just speeding by, your only

choice is to act like you live there and walk right out

into traffic and just dance your way across the street to

any of the 7-11s to get a version of ramen that does not

hold a candle to the American counterpart and being

thankful that you made it to your next meal.


Flying down to the southern area of Thailand

in Patong, Phuket, we stayed only steps from

the beach, a picturesque landscape in every

direction. We had a fascinating adventure,

courtesy of the Green-Elephant Sanctuary. We

gave Asian elephants a mud bath and then

showered with these captivating creatures.

The elephants seemed like it was just another

day, throwing water and mud at the fifty people

in our group and loving each minute of it.

This sanctuary is taking wonderful care of these

animals, with a no riding rule an enclosure to

keep the elephants safe at night this mythical

place located in the heart of the jungle near

Surin Beach is a must visit.

There are so many different attractions in Thailand it

was hard to get to them all! Definitely pay 100 baht

(which is worth $3.16US at the current exchange rate)

to have Garra rufa fish eat the dead skin off your feet,

Thai people are possibly fame monsters when it comes

200 baht to get an hour Thai massage (WARNING -

their most famous beach, Maya Bay at Koh Phi Phi Leh.

this is a rough type of massage), try the food that you

This is the set of the 2000 movie with Leonardo DiCaprio,

do not recognize (there were a few meals that we were

The Beach. He is by far the most recognized celebrity

not sure what we were eating), buy everyone in your

in Southeast Asia. The site of the movie, however, is

circle of family and friends a gift, follow a waiter to a

about an hour off the mainland - we took a boat tour

part of town that you probably should not be in, (Khao

of these many islands. The disappointment is that this

San Road), go to Monkey Island, try to figure out what

particular beach is closed and the boat only gets close

all the stickers in the cabs mean- no sex in cabs, no

enough for your to take pictures but not to get out of

durian fruit, (apparently the smell is extremely putrid)

the boat. Thailand’s Department of National Parks,

and see a ping-pong show (if you know what that is,

Wildlife and Plant Conservation closed “The Beach”

you just laughed; if you don’t, definitely look it up).

indefinitely in October of 2018 to allow the beach and

the ecosystem to recover. More than five thousand

people a day would visit and poor tourism practices

weighed on the lush island causing the closure. 7


y Adam Floyd

Musicians, like everyone, are the sum combination

of the people with whom they surround themselves.

I advocate for a selective approach to our friends

and bandmates. That’s how we can keep the focus

on the music. Personal space and creative energy

could be sacrificed without a concerted strategy

on who we allow into our inner sanctum.

I’ll begin with personal relationships, which are the

easiest to diagnose and the hardest to treat. Avoid

toxic people whenever possible. Stay away from

loud or demanding people. All the drama in your

life should be saved for the stage!

Bandmates and collaborators are crucial to our

success, artistically and professionally. Here, I

also start with a “No Drama” policy but it can get

sticky with certain talent. You want loyalty above

all else and compatibility to a degree is great.

Attracting a ton of followers and supporters is the

grail for musicians large and small. Legions of

adoration is sweet, but learning to have boundaries

is very important. Draw a no-go line for stalkers

but be generous to the quirky, artistic and weird.

How do we turn down drinks, party favors, sex

favors, money, living arrangements, cars and nonstop

party-party? Some of that may be great, but

too much is, well, too much. I get a much needed

dose of humility in various ways. Volunteer at old

folks’ homes. It does a soul good. I also clean the

bathroom toilet or other dirty jobs. It brings me

into focus. Finally, I fight above my weight class

and work on impossible classical concertos or

crazy jazz runs/progressions. Everything will work

itself out if we keep the focus on the music.

There will be stronger and weaker personalities

involved, where balance and tact are called for. I

like for it to come together organically, but with

the caveat that the focus is on the music. All egos

checked at the door, especially singers and lead

players. The spouses and partners of the players

can also be a source of friction, which can require

careful juggling. Most musical situations are

voluntary and so there is less authoritarianism, but

when we keep it tight things run smoother.

8


Lady Gaga PregNant

with #LG6

It seems like not so long ago . . . people used to make

fun of Lady Gaga. Some crazy rumors surrounded her

at the beginning of her career; people said her outfits

were weird and or that she acted radical. At some point

in time, they went as far as to say she was a man who

couldn’t sing that well.

Growing up in New York there were so many other things

that she had to overcome and she never shied

away from the challenges. She continued

doing unique crazy things to stay within the

spotlight of the entertainment business, such

as wearing a dress made completely out of

meat that and other publicity stunts kept her

in the news. Little did we know that she was

on the brink of doing something special.

10

It was then that Gaga took a once-in-a-lifetime chance

and put all of the money she earned, which was close

to 6 million dollars at that time, and personally backed

a world tour that she would have sole control over to

produce and star in. That tour went on to be the highest

grossing in the history of mankind. She proved to

crowds all over that her outfits, make-up and previous

encounters we’re not just gimmicks, but that she was

the real deal when it came to being a singer and putting

on an amazing show.

Just a few years later she is now the holder of the Oscar

for best song and of course her collaborations with

Tony Bennett, Bradley Cooper and others have almost

instantly made her an icon in the music business and

one of the biggest stars in today’s world.


Here’s a little more about Lady Gaga and what made her

what she is today:

The singer, songwriter and actress known professionally

as Lady Gaga, was born Stefani Joanne Angelina

Germanotta in NYC in March of 1986. She is known

for her unconventionality, provocative work, and visual

experimentation. She began performing as a teenager,

singing at open mic nights and acting in school plays.

She studied at Collaborative Arts Project 21, through New

York University’s Tisch School of the Arts, before dropping

out to pursue a music career. When Def Jam Recordings

canceled her contract, she worked as a songwriter for

Sony/ATV Music Publishing, where Akon helped her sign

a joint deal with Interscope Records and his own label

KonLive Distribution in 2007. She rose to prominence the

following year with her debut album, the electropop record

The Fame, and its chart-topping singles “Just Dance” and

“Poker Face”. A follow-up EP, The Fame Monster (2009),

featuring the singles “Bad Romance”, “Telephone” and

“Alejandro”, was also successful.

Gaga’s second full-length album, Born This Way (2011),

explored electronic rock and techno-pop. It peaked atop

the US Billboard 200 and sold more than one million

copies in the country in its first week. Its title track became

the fastest selling song on the iTunes Store with over a

million downloads in less than a week. Gaga experimented

with EDM on her third studio album, Artpop (2013), which

reached number one in the US and included the single

“Applause”. Her collaborative jazz album with Tony Bennett,

Cheek to Cheek (2014), and

her soft rock-influenced fifth

studio album, Joanne (2016),

also topped the US charts.

During this period, Gaga

ventured into acting, playing

leading roles in the miniseries

American Horror Story: Hotel

(2015–2016), for which she

received a Golden Globe

Award for Best Actress, and

the critically acclaimed musical

drama A Star Is Born (2018),

for which she was nominated

for the Academy Award for Best

Actress. She also contributed

to the latter’s soundtrack, which

received a BAFTA Award for

Best Film Music and made

her the only woman to achieve

five US number one albums

in the 2010s. Its lead single,

“Shallow”, topped the US charts

and earned Gaga the Academy

Award for Best Original Song.

Having sold 27 million albums and 146 million singles as of

January 2016, Gaga is one of the best-selling music artists

in history. Her achievements include several Guinness

world records, nine Grammy Awards, an Academy Award,

a BAFTA Award, two Golden Globe Awards, and an award

from the Songwriters Hall of Fame and the Council of

Fashion Designers of America. She has been declared

Billboard’s Artist of the Year and included among Forbes’s

power and earnings rankings. She was ranked number four

on VH1’s Greatest Women in Music in 2012 and second

on Time’s 2011 readers’ poll of the most influential people

of the past ten years, and was named Billboard’s Woman

of the Year in 2015. She is known for her philanthropy

and social activism, including her work related to LGBT

rights, and for her nonprofit organization, the Born This

Way Foundation, which focuses on empowering youth

and preventing bullying. Not bad for a little girl who people

thought was strange and untalented in the beginning of her

illustrious career.

Due to a recent diagnosis of fibromyalgia (a chronic

condition which triggers emotional distress and causes

insomnia and extreme pain all over the body), Gaga has

taken some time to heal both mentally and physically. This

seems to have paid off in many ways and motivated her to

create again, as she recently revealed her next project and

sixth studio recorded EP called LG6. There is no doubt

that lady Gaga should be an inspiration for other artists out

there to show their individuality and to prove all naysayers

wrong; for if you believe in what you’re doing and

in yourself, the sky is the limit in the music world.

It should be interesting and exciting to see what

she does next. 11


On the

Block

By Jenny McLain

Coloring in the lines

I’ve come to embrace the fact that one of my best friends

is a 5-year-old. He calls me his “Lady”, because my

connection to him is simply that I’m a friend of his Dad’s

who helped take care of him for a period of time before

he was even 3. I would say that he became attached

to me because of it but the fact is, we became attached

to each other. We have a continuing bond; we go

on adventures, we play games, we read, we cook, we

sing, we dance and we talk – about everything (well, he

mostly talks and I listen). His Dad calls us “two peas in

a pod”. He loves that I have a special talent for winning

a lot of tickets playing one particular game at Chuck

E. Cheese and that I gave him the passcode to my

iPad with his favorite games. I love his perspective, his

confidence, his energy and his HONESTY. This child

is so unfiltered; he has no motive, no preconceived

notions, no inhibitions. I envy his innocence and

agonize over helping him learn things like manners

and humility without breaking his spirit.

The top 25 most played song list in my music library

includes everything from Johnny Cash to Imagine

Dragons because he LOVES music and likes for his

favorite songs to play over and over. He remembers

lyrics and if he doesn’t know a song but likes the tune,

he will ask what they are saying so he can sing it the

next time he hears it. He was looking at pictures on

my phone one day and came across one of me with

Bradford Buckley and said, “Lady, I didn’t know you

were friends with Uptown Funk”. He notices and

remembers everything.

They love to

tell you

I took him once to see Reed Foley at Flagler Tavern and

because I called Reed by his real first name (Johnny),

and because he sang “Ring of Fire” after he saw us

come in, my little buddy thought Reed was Johnny

Cash. And he was really upset that we came in just

before the end of a set so he had to wait to hear more.

I took him to the stage and asked if he wanted to learn

to play the guitar like Reed and he said, “No, I want to

play THAT …” and pointed at a keyboard that was set

up for the band coming on later.

When he was working on a project for school at the

beginning of this year, he had to list three goals for

2019. While he listed his “big” goal as being better at

coloring in the lines, he included learning to play the

piano on the list. He now attends a music class every

Tuesday evening and I went to one of his lessons with

him a few weeks ago. Of course, he wanted to “win”

and be the best at everything in his class of four kids

but he was having fun and he was just as determined

to learn as he was to win.

I suppose we are all born with some degree of that

confidence. We change because we gain experience.

Sadly, we become experienced in disappointment, in

broken trusts, in embarrassment, in failure to varying

degrees. We develop personalities, we absorb the

world around us and we want to protect ourselves

from repeating unpleasant experiences. We become

concerned with coloring in the lines.

I hope my young friend continues to pursue his passion

for music, and I secretly hope he doesn’t concentrate

on coloring in the lines, either literally or figuratively. I

hope he never gets too grown up to call me “Lady” and

I hope I can help him re-interpret the lines and make

the boundaries his own so he can color wherever the

crayons take him.

12

Stay inside the lines.


Love Kills

The assassination of

Kurt Cobain

About Love Kills:

Love Kills offers the most insightful

explanation as yet offered for the

mysterious death of Kurt Cobain, the

great radical poet, rock star and

alternative social leader.

It does not solve the crime, but

Harrison opens the door to the inner

chamber. The reader is forced to

make the Þnal decision, almost like a

member of a jury.

Hank Harrison’s touching account of

Cobain’s life and death includes

many revealing photographs plus

anecdotes and pictures from his

family archives. 380 Pages, over 100

illustrations.

Paperback: $24.95. Bulk discounts to

libraries and independent bookstores.


NOT AVAILABLE IN BOOKSTORES AT THIS TIME!

Buy your signed copy directly from the publisher:

Arkives Press, P.O.B. 1221, Galt, California, 95632

Email and PayPal: lovekillsbook@gmail.com


Also available from AMAZON: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Kills-Assassination-Kurt-Cobain/dp/0918501024/

ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1543000889&sr=8-1&keywords=love+kills+the+assassination+of+kurt+cobain


Become a

Music Critic!

Follow These 7 Easy-Peasy Rules!

This is a public service announcement and an

economic stimulus package. At great peril to myself,

I am going to reveal to you the Great Inner Secrets of

the Royal Ancient Order of Hip Music Writers. Follow

these seven simple rules and you too can land a job as

a music critic! Soon you’ll be “farting about gardening”

(see Rule No. 3), collecting groupies, and being allowed

the privilege of cleaning the crotch sweat from T-Pain’s

“The Masked Singer” costume.

1 Don’t suck up to the stars! If T-Pain says he will let

you clean the crotch sweat from his “Masked Singer”

monster-thingy costume in return for a five-star review

of his concert or new CD, don’t fall for it! Journalistic

ethics mandate that you hold out for one favor for

EACH star in your rating.

2 Never use the word “hip.” Never.

3 Remember, as hip comedian-musician Martin Mull

famously said, “Writing about music is like farting about

gardening.” Or maybe it was “like scooping up dog

turds about literature.” Or maybe he said “Writing about

music is like dancing about architecture.” Anyway, you

get the idea – because I sure as hell feckin’ don’t.

4 When mini-skirted, chesty babes come up to you as

you’re taking notes while reviewing a concert, and they

coo, “Oooooo, I love your adjectives!” – ignore them!

Remember, you have a job to do. (OK, that’s

never happened to me – but it could! Same

with that “collecting groupies” thing.)

14

by Rick de Yampert

5 When reviewing a CD, you really should listen to it

at least once. Yeah, I know – you can glean everything

you need to know about an album from its cover.

(Except Led Zeppelin IV – if you come across my

review of Zoso talking about all the Moldavian peasant

folk songs, please ignore.) However, in most cases

actually listening to an album will enrich your review

with all sorts of . . . what are those things called? Oh,

yeah – insights. As the critic, it’s your choice whether

to listen or not.

6 Amendment to Rule No. 4: What the hell. If a babe

wants to do the horizontal bop with you because she

loves your adjectives -- and because she thinks it will

get her access to T-Pain’s sweaty costume -- then go

for it. You sure as hell aren’t going to make mega-bucks

doing this music critic gig.

7 Remember that you are dictating to the little people

What They Should Be Listening to If They Had Any

Feckin’ Sense and Taste and a Smattering of Hipness.

You are fulfilling a sacred duty! The hoi polloi are too

stupid to know that the music they like and listen to is

actually really shitty, and they must be led to the good

stuff like swine to the trough.

(Oh wait. I wasn’t supposed to reveal THAT Great

Inner Secret of the Royal Ancient Order of Hip Music

Writers. Ms. Editor, please strike No. 7 from this list.

Thank you.)


Iremember when Janis Joplin died.

October 4, 1970. I was standing in the

audience next to Ken Kesey, watching the

electricity arc in the rafters at a Grateful Dead

concert at Winterland in San Francisco. There

was a long silence on stage and finally Bobby Weir

stepped up to the mic to make the announcement.

The audience went deaf, dumb and blind.

Pig-Pen had trouble singing that night. He and

Janis were an on-again off-again thaaang, back

in the day. I think he sang Easy Wind and Hard to

Handle… a Dead Base expert will have to correct

me on that, but when he was done singing he

just quit. He was sobbing and starting on the

forbidden Wild Turkey when Bobby Petersen and

I walked him to the taxi. All Pig could say was, “It

was that Seth dude, Seth, that bastard.”

“Oh, you mean the guy with the S&M leather gear?”

“Yeah that’s him.” “Tex, man, I’m gonna miss her.”

Ron always called Janis Tex.

Petersen escorted Pig-Pen to the Mars Hotel,

Bobbie’s favorite South of Market dive, probably

to help him polish off the hooch, and because

Ron couldn’t be trusted to drive home across the

Golden Gate Bridge all the way to Novato in his

condition.

Remembering

Janis Joplin

Jan 19, 1943 - Oct 4, 1970

16

By Hank Harrison

Janis was with Seth Morgan earlier on the night

she died. They were crashing in a cheap hotel

in West Hollywood, they didn’t really have to go

that cheap, but they were into smack and that

was the right neighborhood to score Meth and

various opiates. Seth was Janis’s sort-of, kindof

boyfriend, dope dealer and personal road

manager, but when her body was found Seth

managed to evaporate.

Still there’s more to it. Like the Cobain case,

Joplin’s death takes on byzantine dimensions.

It turns out Seth was into bondage, wore black

halters and studded gear in public—pretty odd for

those days, now it’s all the big deal. According

to Pig-Pen, Seth was supposed to be “There” for

Janis, but when the cops got to the bedside Seth

was gone and there was no dope to be found,

except “in” Janis, who was on the floor... dead.

We blamed Seth but nobody else made much of

his involvement.


The whole sick idea of heroin chique comes back into

view here. It’s all about the privileged classes taking

advantage of the peasants. Seth Morgan was the son

of George Frederick Morgan, heir to the Ivory Soap

fortune, so he was rich. But the father was also an

ironically good poet, and co-founder cum long-time

editor of The Hudson Review.

Seth fell very far from the family tree. He briefly attended

Cal Berkeley, after getting kicked out of a dozen posh

eastern schools, but as soon as he met Janis, her

career became his raison d’etre. When she died most

people in our crowd knew Seth was her dope facilitator

and she kind of fell to the lower depths after meeting

him, in spite of her fame, money and her star rising.

Big Brother protected her, but once she left our crowd,

she was fair game.

As far as my Big Brother/Quicksilver/Dead/Airplane

connections were concerned Seth just dropped into

obscurity. I thought he blew town entirely, that is until

Seth came back like a crank dealer pushing his final

bag. Turns out he was just laying low and hanging with

a different crowd all those years.

Part of that time Seth was in prison for dealing dope,

doing some violent robberies, beating the shit out of a

dude and other bad actions. His jail-time had nothing

directly to do with Janis’ death, but he used his time in

San Quentin to work at the family gig - he wrote a book.

Homeboy, was a fictionalized and self-aggrandizing

confessional about heroin addicts, jewel thieves and

convicts. In Homeboy, Morgan avoided talking about

Janis, but used several experiences from his own life,

including time spent as a barker at strip clubs in the

Tenderloin and on the Barbary Coast—where, he says

he once met Courtney Love. The 30 months he spent

in jail for armed robbery in the mid 1970s got him a

jail-house reputation and after he got out he came-on

like a thug.

Ironically, while incarcerated, Morgan won the P.E.N.

essay contest for convicts. This ain’t saying much since

Eldridge Cleaver won the same award a decade earlier

for Soul on Ice and Eldridge ran for President while his

book sold millions of copies, but still Seth got his book

out, probably though pulling east-coast family strings.

In the spring of 1990, the publication of Homeboy led to

a few positive reviews and book-signing gigs in several

cities, including San Francisco, where 17 years earlier

he had impaled a bystander’s hand with a buck-knife

during one of his aforementioned armed robberies.

Like Basketball Diaries, Homeboy was another one

of those heroin-is-cool books. When Homeboy was

released, Courtney Love’s grunge pals were on it like

white on rice. Nick Cave, Lydia Lunch, and Thurston

Moore of Sonic Youth touted it. But hardly anyone

knew the incredibly fucked-up back-story or anything

about Seth and Janis. It was just something new for the

jejune Burroughs and Bukowski crowd. Suddenly this

slick gangster was the dope guru of all the Riot Grrrls.

Predictably Seth’s moment on “sunshine” didn’t last

long. It was shorter than Warhol’s 15 minutes and

deservedly so. Seth didn’t really do anything but waste

away. On October 16, 1990. Morgan was arrested

in New Orleans for DUI. The next day, out on bail,

he grabbed his girlfriend Suzy Levine, got drunk and

crashed his Harley Road King into an iron freeway pillar

overlooking the Mississippi river, killing both riders.

According to their autopsies, both had high alcohol

levels and significant amounts of cocaine in their blood.

In February 1991, in a typically lame attempt to be hip,

Esquire ran an obituary on Seth, but it didn’t mention

Janis Joplin.

From her throne in rock and roll heaven, I wonder what

Janis thinks now? Pig-Pen never recovered either.

17


W

CROSS

R

D

18


Sept 3, 1977 - Englishtown, New Jersey:

G RATEFU L

DEAD

Marshall Tucker Band

New Riders of the Purple Stage

By Les Kippel

Englishtown Race Track, a track that was built

for drag racing, became home to a once in a

lifetime concert by the Grateful Dead.

John Scher, a New Jersey promoter, who

owned the Capitol Theater in Passaic, NJ, was

one of the Grateful Dead’s biggest promoters.

The Grateful Dead had outgrown small venues

in the New York area and found it difficult to

locate larger venues

to play to the

ever-increasing

audience of Dead

Heads.

John Scher had

a lot to overcome

for this show, and

many of the local

towns tried to stop

it from happening.

He created what

he thought would

be an impenetrable

ring of transocean

shipping containers

(what you see carried

by semi-trucks) around the the field. 105,000

people paid to see the show, but estimates were

that 45,000 more helped each other scale the

containers.

Photo by Les Kippel

Through Mickey Hart’s grandparents (known

as Grandpa and Grandma Tessel), I ended up

with a backstage pass. I was there for the sound

check, which sometimes gives you an insight

into the show before it happens!

Well, you know where this story is going! I had

my camera... I’m on the side of the stage, and

Bob Weir reaches down into a guitar case a

pulls out a double

neck guitar. I am

assuming an Ibanez,

as that is what he

played.

He literally played

the guitar for 1

minute. Enough for

me to grab this

picture. Imagine -

150,000 people at

this concert, and this

is the only picture

of Bob Weir testing

out this guitar.

He did not play it

during the show, and to the best of my knowledge,

never played this guitar in concert ever!

Oh yeah... I had a camera... I assume I took a lot

of pictures, but this is the only one I have found

in my collection from that show!

19


APRIL

2019

20

Community Events


21


ARTIST

FEATURE

Denise Vezza Maggiore,

Bachelor of Fine Arts

This month, we are proud to highlight the art of Denise

Vezza Maggiore. Denise grew up in the Chicago area and

lived in Illinois or Wisconsin until the economy went upside

down. In 2010, she made an extreme move to Colorado, a

place she had dreamed of in her youth, and started over.

While her children were young, she was a commercial artist

and photographer to fulfill her artistic impulses. In 2014 she

started painting and drawing again with renewed inspiration

and drive. She joined some creative groups, taught beginning

art classes and began publishing reproductions of my work.

If you ask her what brought her to Florida, her usual reply

is “My husband and a 26’ truck!” She met Francesco while

she was studying Fine Art at Illinois State University. After

she earned her Bachelor of Fine Arts Degree in 1981, Denise

moved north while Francesco and his family moved south,

eventually landing in the New Smyrna Beach area. Francesco

went to Colorado for a friendly visit, and never left! They

decided that they wanted to be more than old-long-distancefriends

and to do life together. They eloped and became a

team to be reckoned with combining art and music. They were

commissioned to write a song,”Neveah”, for Chase the Music

and performed it twice at their events. While in Colorado they

were members of the Left Hand Artist Group (Francesco

makes beautiful baskets), and participated in the music and

art scene that grew from 200 to 1200 members during that

time. They did live art and music at Spiritual events, street

fairs, music and art festivals, interactive art shows, and other

community events throughout Boulder County Colorado.

They stayed in Colorado for 3 winters, but The Sunshine State

was calling to them! Since moving to Florida in 2018, Denise

has exhibited at Hottie Coffee Roasters twice; did a pop-up

show at the Off the Wall Gallery in January; and hosted a

booth at the February 2019 Art Walk in New Smyrna Beach.

Artist Statement:

“Being an Artist is not what I do, but who I am and how I approach

life. Every new situation demands a creative approach for the

best solution, and that comes from an unbridled imagination.

Albert Einstein used to say that imagination was more

important than education. I know that is true!! Everything that

can be done or made is at FIRST in the imagination of the

person who creates or does. Education teaches how people

handled life issues in the past – imagination reveals our

future!”

22

“I’ve been a creative soul since childhood, creating art to

express my inner thoughts and emotions. Each piece is a

Visual Reflection of my Spiritual Journey, things I see in my

dreams or during quiet times of meditation and prayer. I look

to distill these visions into a single moment to symbolize the

eternal and spiritual aspects of life using abstract symbolism

combined with earthly and cosmic elements.Through my art

I hope to interact with whoever views them and touch their

personal experiences; to explore new ways of understanding

the physical and metaphysical worlds; to evoke a deeper

understanding and appreciation of life; and to see the inherent

beauty of all people. Another level of interaction some of them

also have a Poetic Word.”


23


The Story

of

the

Sauce

Boss

By Bill Wharton

I got ahold of some datil peppers and planted the

seeds, never thinkin’ I would actually sell peppers.

Around that time, I was growing something that brought

more of a financial yield. (See The Life and Times of

Blind Boy Billy); however, I love hot peppers and would

make my own sauce from the garden using jalapeños

for a heat source. Immediately realizing the unique

character of the datils, I began experimenting with

different recipes. Not only is the flavor a unique, robust,

sweet funk, the heat is a creeper burn, coming up slow,

from the bottom. The full effect of the capsicum takes

about 15 seconds to arrive. First you have this thick

complex flavor, then after about 10 seconds you feel

the initial burn. About five seconds later, the warmth

of the mids pops through. And this last little bit is what

swells like a symphony in your mouth after you finish.

Those 10 seconds before the heat arrives gives you all

time to taste the other ingredients. A compassionate

habanero. Most of the datil sauces out there are like

a spicy ketchup. What I aimed for was something

different. Somewhere between a Louisiana hot sauce

and a Caribbean salsa. That’s where Florida is at,

geographically. Sooo, why not chunky veggies chopped

into a pepper-vinegar base? I wanted a personal stash

of excellent flavor Well, I made some sauce and it was

gone in no time. After they tasted it, my friends wanted

some. I would make a gallon, and it would be history

within a week. If all these people were gonna

come to my house and eat up all my sauce, I

was gonna bottle it up and sell it to ‘em.

24

I bought a pressure cooker and a rototiller. I got a semitruckload

of mushroom compost dumped in my yard,

and I was feeling good. That was a big ol’ pile of doodoo.

Y’all know how I like doo-doo. I grew a bunch of

datils, made some sauce, and called it Liquid Summer.

And Brothers and Sisters, I’m here to tell you: Liquid

Summer changed my life! I started giving my audience

a taste of my hot sauce.

Liquid Summer had legs, and it was walking briskly

out the door. After they tasted a sample on a chip or

cracker, they laid their money down. People began

calling me the Sauce Boss. It was all coming together.

At the sessions for The Sauce Boss album, I met Kenny

Neal’s parents, Raful and Shirley Neal. Raful was

laying down tracks of his Baton Rouge swamp blues,

while Shirley was in the kitchen making gumbo, and I

was watching. Right then I realized that Liquid Summer

would make a gumbo jump and shout! Yes. Shirley’s

Louisiana gumbo recipe combined with that creeper

burn, made a very distinctive gumbo. Hmm…so on

December 31, 1989, I made gumbo for my audience,

and I gave it away for free. Way over 200,000 bowls

of free gumbo later….here we are.

Sauceboss.com

Planetgumbo.org

Blind Boy Billy

The Life and Times of Blind boy Billy


The NEED That

SURROUNDS Us

CONNECTS Us

That headline may sound a little like Obi-Wan Kenobi

talking about the Force, but really, there’s not that much

difference. The Swamp Sistas community is most

certainly a force and we are connected by the need

that surrounds us. Each Spring, the Swamp Sistas

host multiple events celebrating music, food, art and

friendship. The purpose behind these gatherings is the

‘doing of good deeds together’ and it all culminates with

our Swamp Sistas La La at Orlando Fringe Fest, on

Saturday, May 18. We love helping out in our Central

Florida community, and having that mission makes us

feel good about ourselves and each other.

What’s the mission?

Over the past few years, we’ve become aware of an

urgent need in the fight against local childhood hunger,

particularly over the Summer months, when no school

means no school breakfast or lunch. Without adequate

nutrition, children struggle to learn, thrive and grow,

much less enjoy a summer break, and it happens a

lot more than any of us would care to admit. It’s hard

to think about a child going hungry but it’s important

to step out of our comfort zone and consider what so

many are going through.

What’s for dinner?

That’s when many families sit at the table and enjoy a

meal together, sharing details about their school, work

or play day, but what if there is no table? What if there is

not any food? What if, for one reason or another, there

are no parents present as daylight fades to darkness?

What if you have younger siblings who are hungry, too?

It’s heartbreaking to consider how many

children experience some version of this

reality: One in four kids in Central Florida

is at risk of going to bed hungry tonight.

26

By Beth McKee

Childhood Hunger in Central Florida

is a real problem

I asked one of the Sistas, an educator in an

impoverished community, to share a little about the

struggle of childhood hunger. This woman has immense

dedication to her students and to helping them beat the

odds, stacked against them through no fault of their

own, to grow up and lead happy, productive lives. I’m

proud to know her and especially proud to call her my

“Sista.” She humbly requested to remain anonymous,

but if you attend one of our events, you’re very likely to

meet her. She’s super enthusiastic and almost always

in attendance with family and friends in tow. Here’s

what she had to say about childhood hunger.

A few years ago, I accepted a position as Director

of a low-income school in the Orlando area. I was a

seasoned teacher and thought I had seen everything.

I quickly knew I had a lot to learn. The first week of

school I noticed children were hungry upon arrival each

morning and brought no lunch with them. One day at

school, a student was throwing away an unwrapped

sandwich in the trash just because he didn’t want it.

Another student saw this and ran up to him and said

“STOP! Are you throwing that sandwich away? Can I

have it? Dude, I’ve been hungry before. Don’t ever just

throw food away!”

This story is true, and it happens every day here in

Florida, where the childhood food insecurity rate is

28% and where food banks have been distributing food

at disaster levels for the past 3 years. We would all

share the food we have with a hungry child but we may

not know how to go about that.


How do we get food to hungry children?

The Swamp Sistas partner with Second Harvest Food

Bank of Central Florida and our La La Fund Drive

benefits the Summer Food for Kids Program which

prepares, packages and distributes nutritious meals

and snacks, free of charge, to kids and teens ages

18 and under. This past Summer, Second Harvest

provided over 280,000

breakfasts, lunches

and snacks to 118 sites

in 6 counties, and we

helped! Our 2018 La

La fund drive provided

over 130,000 of those

meals, and we’re ready

to do it again in 2019.

Photo Credit: Angel Lalumondier

Photo Credit: Angel Lalumondier Photo Credit: Angel Lalumondier

Anyone can help, anytime!

All of the 2019 upcoming La La Events are free to

attend; we simply ask that folks toss whatever they

can into the pot for the fund drive. We will also present

our fundraising efforts online, making it super easy

to make a difference anytime using your computer,

tablet or smartphone. We love giving our generous

friends lots of opportunities to chip in, whether it’s with

a financial contribution or by volunteering at the Food

Bank with us at our Volunteer Jam on Wednesday

May 1st. It’s also very helpful when friends share

our social media posts about the fund drive and

corresponding events, so really, ANYONE can help,

ANYTIME. Our tag is @swampsistas and Second

Harvest’s is @feedhopenow.

Second Harvest does a tremendous job of getting

nutritious food into kids’ bellies over the summer

months and we love being a part of the ‘goodness.’

Wouldn’t you like to be a part of it, too? Visit www.

swampsistas.com to check out the events and sign

up for email updates so we can keep you posted.

We would very much love

to have you join our

community.

Swamp Sistas La La

at Fringe on May 18

We’ll announce the total

amount raised at our

Swamp Sistas La La

Music and Art Fest in

Loch Haven Park (3-11pm).

Join us for a great

time and throw a little

something in the pot

to help feed some kids

this summer.

27


How many #1 Albums does Lady Gaga have?

Who was Gaga’s date to her first MTV VMAs in 2009?

In her high school yearbook, Lady Gaga (Stefani

Germanotta) said which singer was her male

equivalent?

In 2008, Gaga recorded the song “Fashion” for

the soundtrack to “Confessions of a Shopaholic”.

Who originally recorded the song?

Gaga is listed in the 2012 Guiness Book of World

Records for what achievement?

Gaga claimed this unlikely singer created “one of

the greatest pop records ever”.

28

Lady Gaga performed at which American Music

Festival in 2007?

Answers on Page 34


Rocktails

with Katie

I’ve got nothing but love and respect for Sir Elton Hercules

John. The internationally loved Rocket Man is a multiple

Grammy-winning legend. A one of a kind singer, songwriter,

show-stealing pianist and genius composer. Fusing pop

and rock from the beginning of his career turned him into

a music mega-force. As one of the top acts of the 1970s,

Elton quickly became famous for his live shows.

All eyes on Elton. He dressed in fabulous, overthe-top

costumes and glasses for his elaborate

concerts. In an interview with “W”, John explained

that “I wasn’t a sex symbol like Bowie or Freddie

Mercury so I dressed more on the humorous side,

because if I was going to be stuck at the piano for

two hours, I was going to make people look at me.”

To date EHJ, my knight in feather boa, has achieved

38 gold and 31 platinum or multi-platinum albums.

He has sold more than 300 million records

worldwide while holding the record for the biggest

selling single of all time, Candle In The Wind

1997. Since launching his first tour in 1970,

Elton has over 4,000 performances in more than

80 countries to his credit. Sir Elton John once

explained, “For me, music is so passionate, I

have to give it my all every time I go onstage.

Onstage, it was always comfortable for me,

because that’s where I felt at home.”

Rocket Man on the Keys

1.75 oz Plymouth Gin

.25 oz Bauchant orange cognac

based liqueur

.75 oz strawberry raspberry jam

.75 oz fresh lemon juice

Splash of champagne over top

30

Add all ingredients into your favorite cocktail

shaker then pack with ice. Shake it like a tiny

dancer! Strain cocktail into a chilled cocktail

glass. Garnish with basil and freshly carved

orange peel. Sip, savor and repeat!


Original Music Manifesto

It’s hard for a musician to be a promoter for many

reasons, but particularly because a musician wants to

be on stage. That’s why typically, a good promoter is not

a musician, but is rather an avid music fanatic. While

the musician works at their craft, organizes rehearsals,

brands their band and such, it is the promoter who

does the leg work leading into the live show.

It is the promoter that schmoozes the venue owner

and puts their neck out on the line to give your original

band that opportunity to play. The promoter works with

the graphic designer, the printer, the news outlets. The

promoter is hyping up the bands before, during, and

after the show. They work with the beer companies

and local beer distributor to finance the back end of the

show, to pay for those posters, flyers, ads, and maybe

even the billboard. The promoter often is responsible

for the sound for the show and has to ask the sound

guys to work for less than they’re worth. They might

even have to work the door.

If a show goes sour, or your band was less than

professional, or attendance was atrocious, or bar sales

were slim, a fight broke out, the venue doesn’t want to

pay, anything negative at all, and it’s the promoter who

takes the blame from all sides.

You may have noticed, I have emphasized the “good”

promoter, that is because there is the counterpart of the

“bad” promoter. The bad promoter, who manipulates

and misleads, lies to bands or venues, keeps most of

the door for themselves, and who is out for their own

fame and fortune, hugely detracts from the local original

music scene. It’s a natural inclination of most people

and that’s why it takes a special kind of person to be

the good promoter. They’ve got to have such a love for

the music and musicians and tough enough skin that

they are able to suffer the slings and arrows of the local

music scenes’ darker side.

By C. August Wenger

In Daytona, a particular promoter comes to mind, Mark

Rosenthal of the Seabreeze Entertainment District.

He’s been putting on shows in Daytona Beach Area for

over 10 years and today he is not only a good promoter,

but a serious talent buyer for such local venues as

Rok Bar and the Roof. He manages several clubs and

restaurants in a strip of the beachside known as “The

District.” He is responsible for some of the best acts

from around the country playing Daytona and Florida in

the last few years and has put over 500 acts on various

stages.

I asked Mark why and how he does it. He replied, “For

me, it’s all about family, the family you adopt, and that

adopt you. Like a family, we have our differences and

problems come up, but we stick together, love each

other, and the scene grows and gets stronger from it.

The musicians, the other promoters and talent buyers,

the festival coordinators, the sound guys, the vendors,

sponsors, beer reps, right down to the door guys and

the bartenders, when we all come together for the love

of music, Boom! We make magic happen.”

If your town has a good promoter, the next time you

see them, be sure to show them some love. If your

town is lacking a good promoter maybe you have the

people skills, the negotiating skills, the temperament

and undying love of live music to do the job. Your town

needs you because an original music culture can’t

flourish without one.

Next month I showcase the local music columnist

and their important role in highlighting the local music

scene and peaking the interest of

the locals in local original music.

Thanks for reading and go buy

a ticket to a show online ahead

of time, your local promoter will

appreciate that.

31


The

SOUR GRAPES

of

WRATH

By

Candice Beu

We can all get disappointed, tired, angry and

defensive when our valiant efforts at success seem

to fail over a long period of time. But what do you do

when you hit that catalyst moment, that tipping point

between giving up and giving it one more go? Do

you throw a fit, throw in the towel or propel yourself

forward? When your once optimistic dreams seem

more and more out of reach do you whine to anyone

who will listen, blaming the fruit, the vine and

everything under the sun for those grapes being so

far away? Or do you start to figure out a new way

to extend yourself and your tools that little bit further

so you can knock some grapes loose and turn them

into a fine wine?

Most musicians, artists and entertainers come to

a point in their lives and careers where they start

feeling old and over the game. They often start

playing the dangerous “what if” game in its place.

What if I did it all differently? What if I would have

taken that gig, did that tour, wrote that song, followed

through on the right contacts and connections at

the right time ...years ago... where would I be now?

That line of questioning is a bottomless pity pit that

you will never fill. It’s hard to say whether you’d be

any worse or any better off than you are today.

32

A more productive way to play the “what if” game

is to use it as an innovative and motivational self

examination tool. What if I stopped wasting time on

the things I can’t control or change about the past?

What if I started applying myself and my gifts to

the current trends in order to change my present

circumstances? What if I set my sights ahead of

the curve and discovered new outlets for my self

expression? What if I stopped blaming others and

just started doing something, anything, other than

wallowing in old stories of victimization and defeat?

Excuses are easy. Action takes a lot more than that.

Motivation and productivity won’t just hit you, like

inspiration. You gotta make that shit happen. You

can’t wait around hoping to be motivated enough

to do something with your gifts or sit around in

hopes that someday someone will come knocking

down your door for your particular brand of talent.

You have to learn how to be self initiating. You are

the mill that creates the motivation that puts your

talents to work. You are the one who knocks.


So put your brain, your hands and your voice on

the payroll. Create your niche, find your audiences

and get to work on those micro movements.

Inspiration doesn’t spring up and opportunities

don’t come knocking until you put the time and

effort into reconnecting your physical body to the

spirit within and the world around you as it is today.

If you really want to get angry, then harness that

wrath productively. Get mad at inactivity. Get mad

at lethargy. Get mad at the useless old habits that

keep you down but don’t waste energy arguing for

your limitations, fighting the past or taking it out on

the grapes. It’s not the grapes’ fault. In traditional

culinary, if you do get a bag of sour grapes and

still want to use them, the suggestion is to turn the

heat up and roast em. If you tend to get nothing

but bitterness from your old memories, maybe it’s

time to throw them on the fire. Burn them up, let

them go or roast them ‘til you find the sweet humor

behind the disappointment. You either have to move

on or repurpose the old into something fresh and

innovative. Most importantly you have to own your

own journey and be accountable for your choices.

It’s essential to survival in this realm, period.

The only constant in life is change so you gotta

practice embracing the challenges of change and

shift your perspective on how you identify with it. Go

with what the energies are presenting you with in the

present moment and make it work, as Tim Gunn says.

Life is too short and opportunities fly by too fast to get

sidetracked by what I call the Uncle Rico syndrome.

If you’ve seen the movie “Napoleon Dynamite” then

you know that the character of Uncle Rico lives in

the “what if” world of his 1982 high school football

heydays. “If only” is his anthem and his armor. Don’t

be an Uncle Rico. Better to be a Pedro and do

something proactive and outrageous to make your

wildest dreams come true.

33


Crossword Puzzle on Page 18

Trivia Questions on Page 28

How many #1 Albums does Lady Gaga have?

A: Currently, she has three chart-topping albums: ‘Born This Way’ was her first in 2011, ‘Artpop’ followed in

2013, and ‘Cheek to Cheek’ with Tony Bennett also hit No. 1 in 2014. “The Fame peaked at #2 and “Fame

Monster at #5.

Who was Gaga’s date to her first MTV VMAs in 2009?

A: Kermit the Frog

.

In her high school yearbook, Lady Gaga (Stefani Germanotta)said which singer was her male

equivalent?

A: Boy George! She also said her dream was “headlining Madison Square Garden” and her pet peeve was

“’ordinary’ people”.

In 2008, Gaga recorded the song “Fashion” for the soundtrack to “Confessions of a Shopaholic”. Who

originally recorded the song?

A: Heidi Montag. Gaga wrote the lyrics with super-producer RedOne and gave it to the “The Hills” star. While

Montag’s version leaked to the Internet, Gaga’s was the one released on the official soundtrack.

Gaga is listed in the 2012 Guiness Book of World Records for what achievement?

A: Gaga was listed as the person with the most followers on Twitter with over 13 million.

Gaga claimed this unlikely singer created “one of the greatest pop records ever”.

A: Paris Hilton - Lady Gaga loves her hit “Stars are Blind”.

34

Lady Gaga performed at which American Music Festival in 2007?

A: Lollapalooza


Phantom Foodie

This month, I decided to write about one of my favorite

places that is a surprise to some people: Colt’s Pig Stand

at Destination Daytona.

The first time I ate at Colt’s Pig Stand, I was on my way

to The White Eagle to see Big Engine perform. We

stopped there because it was on the way from Ormond

Beach to the White Eagle so it was convenient. We were

pleasantly surprised. I had, admittedly, avoided it before

that night because it just seemed too “touristy”, being right

off of I-95 and at the edge of Destination

Daytona (I was certain the prices would be

high and the food mediocre at best). That

visit really opened my eyes to what I had

been missing, even though I had been so

close to it on so many occasions.

The restaurant is clean and organized and

has some playful, interesting decorating

touches. The seating options are numerous

and seating is plentiful – you can sit outside

on a covered patio or inside, where there

are both high top tables at the front of the building and

also regular tables towards the back. You order at the

counter and pay for your meal, then place the number

they give you on your table and they bring it to you when

your order is complete. You serve yourself soft drinks,

water or iced tea from the beverage bar area; they also

have a beer cooler as you walk up to place your order and

I believe they also have a few draft selections.

The food is delivered quickly and there are staff to check

on you as you enjoy your meal. I have always experienced

excellent service time and friendliness from the staff

here. My favorite menu item, by far, is Onion Rings. No

matter what I order otherwise, no matter if I am dieting,

no matter who I am with, I ALWAYS order their onion

rings. They are always hot, the breading is amazing, and

the portion plentiful. I have had brisket, turkey, beef and

pork in various preparations here. My favorite entrees

are the brisket and the turkey sandwich (if you get our

sandwich on a bun, they have a fun “brand”

they stamp into the top of the bun). They have

“down home” side dishes, such as collard

greens, black eyed peas, and macaroni and

cheese (but really, get the onion rings). They

also have a kids’ menu, salads, wings and

delicious looking desserts (I think the carrot

cake has at least eight layers).

I have been back many, many times since that

evening and it is one of my favorite Sunday

treats before hitting up the jam session at

Saints and Sinners or the Beaver Bar down the street for

some music in the afternoon. Do yourself a favor if you

are in the area (or make a special trip if you aren’t in the

area) – even if you just go get some onion rings and a

beer, go by Colt’s Pig Stand and I bet you will make it a

regular stop.

Stay tuned – next month we will feature a restaurant

requested by one of our readers – can’t wait to try it out!

35


Behind the Mic: Riggs

Hello again, friends. One of the most satisfying feelings

I get doing the morning radio show is prompting a

laugh. Whether it comes from my co-hosts, a listener, or

finding out weeks later that something I said or did made

somebody laugh, nothing matches that good vibe. Just

like a lot of people, I have been chasing that feeling for a

long time. The biggest leap into that quest was my shot at

stand-up comedy.

I was a member of the University Union as a student at

the University of Georgia. My role was to assist in the

production of their events and comedy shows. When the

budget allowed, they would bring national comedians to

the Tate Theater and my role often involved transporting

these comics to and from the airport, hotel and campus.

It was a great opportunity to get to know some of these

pros that I spent countless hours watching on late night

talk shows and comedy programs. “An Evening At The

Improv” was one of those shows that defined 80’s standup

comedy. Brick wall backdrop, mic on a stand and a

stool... those were the tools of the trade. So I absorbed as

much as I could from these comedians in hopes of being

one of them. And there were some great moments, like

when Gary Shandling invited some of us to Bennigans

after a show and then name checked me from the stage

the following night and returned our money, saying we

shouldn’t have to pay to see him. And that time I drove

comedian/actress Marsha Warfield to a drug store for

some feminine hygiene shopping. Or the time I drove

a very calm and quiet Gilbert Gottfried to the airport and

discussed bad 1970’s crime shows. Just great memories

and opportunities.

But I had an unfortunate glitch in my memory where I

would get overwhelmed by nerves and forget my act,

often completely. So I would default to crowd work,

asking questions to individuals and hoping to remember

something I had planned while they answered. Nothing

matched that feeling of seeing all those silent faces

looking at me, waiting for something funny to slide out

while I was in the midst of a mental crisis. Having a

joke bomb is one thing but that feeling is pure terror.

I definitely should have used notes but it seemed so

taboo in that era, I just flew by the seat of my Chess

King electric blue pants. The late Richard Jeni was

one of the funniest acts I’d ever seen and gave me

some great advice after one of his shows, reminding

me that the audience doesn’t know your are bombing

until you let them know you are. He then proceeded

to run a character that had us exploding with laughter

while standing in a restaurant parking lot for 30 minutes.

Great times indeed.

So I wrote an act, borrowing or politely copying some ideas

from all of the comics I’d admired, and spiced it with my

own hyper lunacy. I entered several national competitions

through regional campus tryouts… Certs, MTV and more

sponsors put on these talent searches and I attempted

but never got beyond the initial 3-5 minute auditions. I

worked some small events and eventually got

to open for Jeff Altman. He was very funny off

stage as well, showing me how to use faces

and physical comedy to crack up a crowd.

36


95.7 the Hog, Daytona Beach

My big break came in the late ‘80s. I won a competition

and got the opening spot for a popular touring comedian

who I had seen on the late night talk shows... Jerry

Seinfeld. It was a big deal and I was equal parts excited

and terrified. So I worked up some new material and

installed two fail-safes. First, if I get no laughs, I read

bad poetry. Second, I needed a big prop close to

the act. Having watched a lot of Gallagher smashing

watermelons, I knew it had to involve food. So I took

the dozen different half-eaten boxes of cereal I had,

grabbed handfuls and decided to “juggle” them and

spew milk into the air, creating a vibrant and messy

ending to my set.

Now this was before there was a Seinfeld TV show but

his popularity was well established and the theater sold

out. I was given 7 minutes to entertain the 500+ in

attendance and the nerves did not take away my plan.

I told a couple of stories, a few hacky jokes, threatened

and then read some bad poetry, got some laughs, then

went for the big finish. Kaboom, Apple Jacks, Lucky

Charms, Frankenberry, Fruit Loops and more soared

into the air and I spewed a mouthful of milk into the mix

and walked off to a crowd that laughed and cheered

and seemed pleased with the mess I left on stage.

There was an intermission before Jerry took the stage

and so I retreated to the office to decompress, towel off

and get ready to go watch this icon do his work. But to

my amazement, Jerry walked into the office, introduced

himself, and sat down across from me.

I told him I was a fan and began to describe what I

had just done on stage. He stopped me and said, “Oh

no… I saw it” which blew me away as I had no idea he

was in the theater. He told me he watched from the

back then asked if he could give me some notes. I felt

frozen inside as I said “Of course, Mr. Seinfeld”. I was

now twice as nervous as I was on stage. He said he

liked my energy, cited one joke he thought was funny

and gave me an idea of how to phrase it differently.

He mentioned liking the poetry thing then spoke for

another minute or two but my hearing was overtaken

by the voice in my head saying “Holy shit! Jerry Friggin’

Seinfeld saw your act!”.

My stomach imploded. Think about it… this was like shanking

a drive in front of Tiger Woods and then that golf ball

breaks his patio door. This was like taking a dump on

Mozart’s piano. It was equivalent to spilling a bunch of

Jolt Cola on the court in front of Michael Jordan.

He seemed amused but also very serious about his

critique. He then said “And that cereal thing… did you

come up with that?”. I told him I wanted to have a big

finish and it had worked once before. He very dryly,

and in perfect “Seinfeld” manner, replied “I don’t think

you should do that anymore… I would recommend

never, ever doing that again”.

I think I stammered “OK” and he said he thought my

material could be good enough that I wouldn’t need

props or food. I thanked him for the thoughts and we

talked briefly about baseball, but it was an out-of-thisworld

experience that I still get clammy over today.

His show began thanking the audience for the warm

welcome and then he took a beat and said, “What in

the hell happened up here?” as he stared at the now

cleaned up remains of the mess I left on stage. He

followed with “Let’s hear it for Riggs…. Proving that

7 minutes can be a very, very, very long time.” Truer

words were never spoken. I never performed again.

I think I would be a bit better now with some public

speaking and broadcast experience, but I figure I made

my impact. And I got a private critique and stage shout

out from Jerry Seinfeld, so that’s as good as it gets. I

will, however, juggle cereal at your birthday party or

civic function. Hit me up.

Cheers!

RIGGS, GUY, & INTERN STEVE

The Morning HOG / 95.7 The HOG

Weekdays 5-10am

37


Queensryche with Fates Warning

On March at the Plaza Live, progressive metal giants Queensryche shared the stage with

Fates Warning for a fantastic evening of music. Hartford, Connecticut born Fates Warning

opened the show with a great display of 80’s style prog metal, but of course, headliners

Queensryche owned the night playing songs from most of their almost 40-year catalogue

ranging from “Queen of the Reich” to “Jet City Woman” to“Empire”, and of course the ballad

“ Silent Lucidity”. All in support of their most recent effort, The Verdict. Even several line-up

changes in the last few years had no adverse effect on the night’s fine performance. In my

opinion Todd La Torre, the newest vocalist, is here to say.

T.S.O.L.

Deland’s Cafe De Vinci played host to Long Beach, California’s punk rock legends T.S.O.L.

on Thursday February 21st. The packed crowd was blessed to witness three of the four

original members rip thru old school classics like “World War 111”, “Abolish Government”,

Silent Majority”, “Property Is Theft” and “Dance with Me” among others. The true sounds of

liberty were indeed alive and well.

Tesla

Sacramento, California’s hard rock band Tesla played to two sold out crowds on two

separate evenings in late February at Orlando’s House of Blues. Vocalist Jeff Keith’s raspy

voice was as good as ever only to be complemented by guitarist Frank Hannon’s mastery

of the 6-string. Highlights included gems like “Cumin’ Atcha Live”, “Modern Day Cowboy”,

“Changes”, “Breakin’ Free” and their classic cover song “Signs”. This band still sounds great

after all these years and still tours regularly. Electrical Engineer Nikola Tesla would be very proud.

New School Album of the Month:

Krisiun Scourge of the Enthroned

The latest release by Brazilian death metal trio Krisiun is not one to be overlooked. Scourge

of the Enthroned pummels the brain and wreaks havoc on the soul’s desire for true death

metal. Stand out tracks include “Demonic lll”, “Devouring Faith”, and “A Thousand Graves”.

This record rips from beginning to end and is highly recommended by the Metal Compost camp.

Old School Album of the Month

Lethal Programmed

In the year 1990, a little-known band from Kentucky named Lethal put out a little-known album

called Programmed. Released on Metal Blade records, this power/progressive metal album

was overshadowed by some of the other leading acts of this genre, notably Queensryche and

Fates Warning and make no mistake, the vocals reminisce of classic Geoff Tate

(Queensryche) and the guitar harmonies and melodies are done very well and this

album rocks from start to finish. Some tasty ditties indeed are “Fire In Your Skin”,

“Programmed”, “What They’ve Done”, and “Killing Machine”.

38


Gotha Location

April 1 - Open Mic

April 4 - Bobby Koelble

April 5 - Zack Marunick Duo

April 6 - Live Hart

April 11 - Seth Pause

April 12 - Diamond Dixie

April 13 - Run Raquel Band

April 15 - Open Mic

April 18 - Rafael Rodriguez

April 19 - Mud Rooster

April 20 - Dave and the Waverlys

April 25 - Erick Ruck

April 26 - JY Trio

April 27 - TBD

April 29 - Open Mic

1236 Hempel Ave.

Windermere 34786

(407) 296-0609

DOG FRIENDLY

LIVE MUSIC

YellowDogEats.com

New Smyrna Location

April 4 - Colt Hall

April 6 - The Evening Muze

April 7 - Rammer

April 11 - Stephanie Schaffer

April 12 - Gina Cuchetti

April 13 - Warren Beck

April 18 - Claire Vandiver

April 19 - The Cyclones

April 20 - Brent Clowers

April 25 - Beartoe

April 26 - The Transfers

April 27 - Nate Utley

147 Canal St.

New Smyrna Beach 32168

(386) 410-4824

Open every day at 11am

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