Inspiring Women SUMMER 2020

What is the most important thing you have discovered
about yourself and others through COVID-19? I am
fine without so much social life outside. I was always
ready to meet for a coffee, a glass of wine, and quite
eager to explore new restaurants. I used to get into a
bit of an anxious place, stuck in my doing-ness (which
involved the inner critic telling me I was never doing
enough) and then I would travel to get back on
course. What I realize now is that I can do that without
leaving home.
What do you do to keep on top of your own stress and
mental health during COVID-19? I make sure to do
yoga, meditate gently, and spend at least a few
moments outside each day, no matter the weather.
When I say meditate gently, that is sometimes I do a
more formal practice, and other days I take time to
savor making my coffee, spend time just watching the
birds play in the yard and fly overhead.
With my co-authors of The Trailing Spouse
REIMAGINED
IN CONVERSATION WITH RYLLA
What advice would you offer to yourself five
years ago? One year ago? Trust yourself more!
Your intuition is spot on, and yes, you can do it
differently. Go ahead and not only will you be
happier; you’ll be an inspiration to others who
are wanting to do it differently as well.
I’d also tell myself to appreciate herself more. I
look back now at a picture of me in a bikini in
my early 40s and remember thinking maybe I
was getting on a bit to wear a two piece. I see
that picture now, and think, damn, you looked
amazing! Strong and beautiful! Now instead of
looking at my 50-something year old self and
thinking of what’s changed, I try to see myself
looking back as a 70-year-old, appreciating
what her life was in her 50s.
What’s the most impactful “no” you’ve said
recently? It may sound small, but it’s been
saying no to chain letters. Since COVID-19 I’ve
received chain letters about sharing recipes,
poems, etc. I very gently but strongly said that
while I appreciated being included, and I liked
the idea of sharing, I don’t like chain letters
and had given myself permission to never
participate in one again. It felt so good to be
strong, clear, and, say yes to myself.
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Who is the first, non-family, person you want to
see in person when the lockdown ends? My
sister who lives in the US. I don’t know when
she’ll be able to travel again, but we are
already dreaming and scheming for her trip
here. Meanwhile I talk with her almost every
day, and often we cook together over
FaceTime. Nice, but not the same! We are so
close. I’ve learned much from her and she has
always, since I was little, seen me, recognized
and appreciated me. She still does, and I her.
Consequently we have a blast together!
One of my favorite things to do: travel by train