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For some reason best known to
themselves, the British (being
British, we won’t venture to say
anything about the Americans)
have many expressions for
mental abnormality: He’s a
little bit off the top, he’s off his
rocker, he’s bats in the belfry,
he’s batty, he’s got a screw
loose, he’s screwy, his head
needs seeing to, he’s not quite
right in the head, etc.. With the
British love of understatement,
they may well mean that a
person is raving mad.
A priest was preaching in the
chapel of a lunatic asylum about the
purposes of God for man on this
earth. “Brethren,” he said, dramatically
extending his hands, “why are
we all here?” A voice shouted from
the back, “Because we’re not all
there!”
ENGLISH
IDIOM
LEARNING
LEBANON
“THE BRITISH AND
AMERICANS ARE
SEPARATED BY THE
SAME LANGUAGE.”
George Bernard Shaw
During World War II, an American
soldier serving in Britain used to
attend Mass at a small Catholic
church where he was received with
much kindness. In 1944 the church
was hit by a flying bomb and after
the end of hostilities was marked
for reconstruction at government
expense. In the meantime the soldier
had returned to the States, and
knowing that the parish priest
wished to enlarge the church, a
thing not covered by the official
reconstruction scheme, he collected
funds for this purpose.
ENGLISH
IDIOM
In due course the bishop came to
consecrate the church anew, for
which occasion there was a Solemn
High Mass with a fine choir. Tape
recording had just come onto the
market, so it was decided to send a
recording on tape to the ex-soldier
in America as a mark of gratitude.
The man was very pleased and sat
down to enjoy the recording.
Suddenly the American jumped up
and smashed his player in a rage.
“After all I did for them,” he shouted
to his wife, “they call me a sucker!”
What had happened was that during
his sermon the priest had said,
“We thank thee, O Lord, for the
great succour thou has sent us from
America!” (Succour, accent on the
first syllable, means help, like the
French word secours, but is not used
in the States.)
Recently a sports instructor in a school was
helping the geography teacher to supervise the
half-year examination in the last year of
primary. The youngsters were supposed to
mark the principal Lebanese cities on a map.
To the instructor’s surprise, they were placing
Baalbek and Zahleh on the coast and Tripoli,
Sidon and Tyre in the interior. “Don’t they
realise that Baalbek and Zahleh are not on the
coast when they visit them?” he asked.
“Nowadays their parents don’t take the kids to
such places on a Sunday,” explained the
geography teacher. “They simply take them to
the nearest MacDonald’s or Burger King!” – Ed.
52 NNU SPIRIT