Vermont Nurse Connection - February 2021

Page 4 • Vermont Nurse Connection February, March, April 2021
Recovered from COVID
I knew when I joined the Medical Reserve Corps, I
could get COVID-19 working on the front lines, but I
could not stay behind. Parents of babies with their lives
ahead of them helped alongside many who had not even
had the chance to have a family. Better that I, in my 6th
decade should die than those nurses and aides. I knew how
to protect myself and wear isolation gear better than most.
Surely, sufficient PPE would be provided. Besides, how
else could I advocate for the front lines accurately if I was
not experiencing it first-hand. Finally, I just love nursing.
Being there for patients and nurses in their worst hour is
worth it. There is nothing more amazing and heartening
than helping someone to heal, emotionally, physically,
and spiritually. Caring helps healing. I love to encourage
the heart for I have experienced pain. I have been abused,
betrayed, and felt despair. I have faced my death and
learned to smile at her in peace.
• Inpatient Medical Surgical Unit
• Charge RN- Emergency Room
I sang as I drove back and forth to help. One of my
favorites was the chorus of Lady Gaga’s Million Reasons.
I tweaked the meaning my way. I would listen first to the
part about having a million reasons to quit the show (going
in to work with COVID+ patients) as many thought I was
crazy to volunteer, and what if I brought it home to my
husband?
I changed the lyrics slightly; I sang:
I bow down to pray to try to make the world get better
Lord show me the way to cut through all the worn out
leather.
I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away, but
really I just need one good one to stay.
In the next section I considered how many were
fighting to keep breathing, but completely aware. The
patients gave me a million reasons.
• ICU
• Flex Pool RN
I thought about President Trump in the next section:
And if you say something that you might even mean - It's
hard to even fathom which parts I should believe. He gave
me about a million reasons to advocate.
I would sing: I bow down to pray, I try to make the
worst seem better
Lord, show me the way to try to make the world get
better.
I’ll be there. Yes I'm bleeding...God give me what I'm
needing
Every heartbreak makes it hard to keep the faith (here I
considered each death)
But, I just need one good one, good one…(I thought of
each patient as a good one and sang louder).
While each place did an excellent job of testing nurses
prior to patient care, some places had less safe places for
a break/lunch, maybe just down the hall from patients
without a barrier, and no place to keep your mask clean.
That was the mask you reused repeatedly, that was
COVID contaminated, worn at least all day, or in some
places longer. I did take off my shoes before entering
my house after a shift, and changed clothes immediately
and showered before touching anyone, also cleansing
groceries. It was not enough.
Afterwards I thought I should have gone outside, or to
my car to drink anything or eat for that one ten minute
break instead of using their break room. That thought
came too late for the sneezing and low-grade fever that
came a few days later. After three days of a worsening
fever, I was tested. The poor soul that called me on
Christmas gave me the positive result. I let her know
it was not a shock, that I had a pulse oximeter and was
better than 92% and breathing okay. I did get congestion
and cough, headaches, rashes, bone pain and seesawing
temperature that left me exhausted and sweaty, but did not
need to get hospitalized. I used all my holistic home help,
from elderberry and virus busting teas, to zinc, vitamin C,
and vitamin D. I cut dairy, reduced fat and used coconut
milk, and sinus rinses. I ate licorice, turmeric and ginger
as well as spirulina, asparagus, & greens. Hydration
helped fight congestion, and humid showers helped, but
exhausted me. I became still, calm, and did not feel fear
but peaceful content as I contemplated my potential death,
knowing my family would support each other. I accepted
without resistance the path of the universe. I felt the
presence of angels and positive spirits. I let my siblings
and adult daughter know I had COVID after Christmas.
I had remained isolated with my older husband,
who had recently joined the UVM vaccine trial, and
desperately hoped that he had received the real vaccine.
There was no one else that we had risked contaminating
because we did not have any gathering that could have
risked those we loved. I cannot imagine the guilt some
people might feel if they are responsible for the death or
long-term effects of COVID-19 on their loved friends
and family. We completed the Sara reports to the Health
department daily for weeks. I learned that some younger
folk who were asymptomatic except for a headache were
volunteering online doing contact tracing. Supportive
friends dropped off groceries and gave advice.
Though I had volunteered with my husband’s blessing,
I wondered if he might reconsider when he had to report
my fever and could not risk teaching for many days. Then,
because he tested negative, he had to stay in isolation a
week after me and get another negative test. Yet I was so
glad he did not become ill due to me. He never wavered in
his love and caring, and never offered blame. My precious
love.
The fevers finally just stayed low grade, though I was
not strong enough to help with outside chores. The stairs
seemed a mountain to climb and I still got dizzy spells,
and heart rate abnormalities. We laughed that I kept my
sense of taste but that it was distorted. I knew I was getting
better when I tried a sip of wine and it no longer tasted
like old feet. My magical cousin referred to me as the girl
who lived. I was going to be okay. Now it’s just waiting for
weakness to fade.
Please wear a mask and avoid gatherings despite
COVID fatigue. No one is guaranteed tomorrow; we
remembered this when a friend fell down stairs and died as
I was recovering. Tell people you love that you love them
today. Thank-you, my fellow nurses, for being inspiring.
Try to make the world be better. Yes we’ve got a hundred
million reasons to walk away, but we have a good one to
stay; tell me that you’ll be that good one.