Eastlife Spring 2021
This is our fourth issue during the pandemic. Fourth! I can’t quite believe it. Like many other businesses we have learned to adapt. I am no longer flustered when events are cancelled at the last moment before print, it has become the norm.
This is our fourth issue during the pandemic. Fourth! I can’t quite believe it. Like many other businesses we have learned to adapt. I am no longer flustered when events are cancelled at the last moment before print, it has become the norm.
Create successful ePaper yourself
Turn your PDF publications into a flip-book with our unique Google optimized e-Paper software.
Tails About<br />
Town:<br />
Poo Parade<br />
Written by Emma Kemsley<br />
This is not the first time I have spoken about Fletcher’s pooing habits for a light-hearted<br />
read, but it always makes for entertainment, and I think we’re all in need of some comical<br />
relief.<br />
I should’ve known he would be trouble. When he was a puppy, he chose to poop in the<br />
middle of a main road during rush hour, stopping traffic. I politely waved an apology to<br />
each driver while I desperately waited for him to finish.<br />
On our strolls through our local town, he’ll often wait until he is in the middle of the market<br />
to have his morning poo despite being given the option to do so in the park. The more<br />
people, the better. He’ll of course choose the most awkward location too. The middle of a<br />
crowd or the alleyway that joins the car park and Market Square, which causes a queue as<br />
people wait for him to finish and for us to pick up the waste. It’s mortifying.<br />
Not only does he choose the busiest location, but he poops strangely with his bum flat<br />
to the floor. He’ll look around to ensure all eyes are on him. He sure knows how to be the<br />
centre of attention. He recently got caught in a bramble bush mid-poo. Cue the dramatics.<br />
This time though, he’s need for an audience has pushed me to my humiliation limits.<br />
Cambridge was quiet. Almost ghostly. All except for what I assume was a Bollywood<br />
film set outside King’s College. We strolled along the King’s Parade past the actors and<br />
camera crew of at least fifty men. And that’s the moment. The moment Fletcher decided<br />
he’ll do the biggest poo of his life. Bum to the floor, he looked eagerly around, mouth open<br />
as though he was grinning, and took his sweet time to relieve himself.<br />
We were met with daggers from a film crew who couldn’t quite believe what they were<br />
witnessing. As I held up an apologetic hand and waited for him to finish, my husband<br />
flapped with a poo bag. Seconds seemed to last minutes as we felt a hundred eyes on us.<br />
My husband picked up the poo, which looked like it belonged to a mini horse, in a<br />
haste. Not quite content with his poo performance, Fletcher then decided to howl while<br />
standing on his hind legs as an ambulance siren signalled in the distance. If you’re not<br />
familiar with his howling, visit www.eastlife.co.uk/article/tails-about-town-nothingbut-a-hound-dog<br />
My husband and I looked at each other and laughed. What else could we do?<br />
39
Change language