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Undertow<br />
Terry O’Brien’s legendary column... social satire, shameless plugs — and general self-indulgence<br />
Hello. I generally try to start these<br />
things off with something witty<br />
and pithy, but I’m all out of wit and<br />
pith this week, so you’ll just have to<br />
make do with mildly amusing. Or<br />
something.<br />
Hello Of the Week: Exit Zero honcho<br />
Jack Wright and his bride, the lovely Diane<br />
Stopyra, welcomed baby Oban Ray into the<br />
world last Friday morning. And, while Oban<br />
Ray sounds like a name out of a Star Wars<br />
movie, he seems like a pretty cool baby. I’m<br />
told he has an outie belly button and his blood<br />
type is curry. Welcome to Earth, little dude.<br />
We can never let your dad forget you’re 25<br />
percent Irish.<br />
Sort-Of Apology of the Week: Upon seeing<br />
it in print, my bit last week about Parker<br />
Smith landing a gig on The Marvelous Mrs.<br />
Maisel came off a little mean-spirited. To be<br />
perfectly clear (god, it’s just as annoying when<br />
I say it as when some useless politician does),<br />
I am ecstatic for Parker. I know he’s been a<br />
superfan of that show since he couldn’t shut<br />
up about it five years ago, and I’m sure it was<br />
a real thrill. Like if I booked a gig on… any<br />
show. Parker was a little adrift upon retiring<br />
from law then being unceremoniously<br />
dumped from the theater he’d toiled at for<br />
several decades (believe me, brother, I know<br />
the feeling. Thrice.), and I’m glad he’s been<br />
booking a lot of print and film work in this,<br />
his new second act. And, since I introduced<br />
him to his agent, I’m hoping he can put a good<br />
word in for me…<br />
While breakfasting (?) at Uncle Bill’s in<br />
North Cape May on Friday (Three Little Pigs<br />
in a Blanket, delicious, and probably the reason<br />
my Weight Watch is a disaster this week,<br />
but more on that later), it occurred to me that<br />
I did not know the name of the lovely young<br />
lady who happily collects her bundle of Exit<br />
Zero from me every Thursday morning. Turns<br />
out she is Paige LaSerre, and I wanted to be<br />
friends with her, but she admitted to never<br />
reading my column, so now we are mortal<br />
enemies. I feel like I have a lot of those.<br />
Parking Lot Encounter of the Week: It was<br />
a real Mexican stand-off (can I still say that?)<br />
outside Sea Gear early Thursday; I pulled up<br />
to drop off magazines, another car tried to zip<br />
in before me. After an extremely tense, oh,<br />
two seconds, I pulled three spots down, got<br />
out and made my delivery. It was then I was<br />
accused of “you were trying to run into me,<br />
huh?” When I answered this with silence I<br />
was called a “f***in’ idiot.” Now, I get you are<br />
a physically disabled person and were there<br />
to pick up your physically disabled friend,<br />
which I respect, but such hostility! To answer<br />
your question — no I was not trying to run<br />
April 22, 2021 EXIT ZERO Page 19
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