Frank Magazine Issue 583.pdf - Besthostingplanever.com

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TWEETS OF THE WEEK Follow Frank on Twitter at www.twitter.com/Atlantic_Frank. Because you never know when Frank may be watching. � � � � Prudential realty dude Rick Foster recently purchased a home on Bland Street (assessment: $517,300). Previously owned by Philip Brooks. (Tweeted April 10) � Would-be Tory leader Jamie Baillie spotted @ the Halifax Shopping Centre Food Court SMELLS LIKE SOMEBODY’S MIFFED Tiger & Earl Woods BY P. ROB OSKIS WITH A NAME LIKE BARB, YOU’D THINK SHE’D BE ABLE TO TAKE SOME LIGHT- HEARTED RIBBING AT THE HANDS OF A CERTAIN BI-WEEKLY FAMILY MAGA- ZINE. But it would appear that shameless self-promoter Barb Stegemann’s shoulders are about as broad as her knowledge of Gandhi (Frank 581 & 582). For instance, in the wake of my initial dispatch on the Barbster’s new 7 Virtues Afghanistan Orange Blossom perfume, the Antigonish County native rather unceremoniously blocked me from further following her words of hippy-dippy “wisdom” on Twitter. Scents-itive much? Now, after I v. graciously opted to use my organ as a means of drumming up additional support for her Facebook group — “Oprah 2 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK APRIL 27, 2010 @ Manchu Wok. Chicken balls, pile of rice, bottle of H20. (Tweeted April 9) � Someone just suggested to me that Geoff Regan should leave federal politics to lead the provincial Libs. “He’d sweep the province.” I laughed. (Tweeted April 8) � Why shouldn’t Tiger (Woods) use his dead father to restore his image? He allowed something stiff to destroy it. (Tweeted April 8) � (Radio guy) Andrew Krystal just asked God to bless convention-centre builder Joe Ramia. (Tweeted April 8) � The carpet doesn’t match the drapes! Spring Garden Courthouse gets ugly new carpet. (Tweeted April 7) � Aliant lawyer & former federal Liberal candidate Catherine Meade has been accepted into SMU’s Executive MBA program. (Tweeted April 7) � Glad to know that so soon after the budget announcement Liberal Leader S. McNeil & Co. have nothing better to do than to follow me on Twitter. � Ex-preem Rodney MacDonald & son on their way to see “Clash of the Titans” in 3D @ Empire 10 in Sydney. (Tweeted April 2) must try the 7 Virtues Afghanistan eau de parfum” — the woman goes and protects her “tweets.” What that means is that now in order to keep up with Barb (nee Robbins) on Twitter, one must first request, then receive, permission from her to do so. How ridiculous is that? Frankly, I don’t know what the poor woman’s so scared of. In fact if I were her, I’d be far more concerned that spraying scented products of any kind on skin as unusually thin as hers might lead to a rather unfortunate case of blood-poisoning. � Anne Murray’s ho-hum bio “All of Me” has been nominated for a Dartmouth Book Award. Winners announced April 14. (Tweeted April 2) � A reason to celebrate? Frank Beazley marks 40 years of policing. (Tweeted April Fool’s Day) THE NIGHT I GOOGLED LISA MANNINGER BY W. ELLE I. NEVER ADD ERSTWHILE RODNEY MACDONALD SPEECHWRITER LISA MANNINGER TO THE GROWING LIST OF SELF-IMPORTANT SOCIAL- MEDIA DING-A-LINGS DELUSIONAL ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THEIR TWITTER.COM ENTRIES ARE IN NEED OF — OR WORTHY OF — PROTECTING. Oddly enough, last week’s lock-down occurred mere moments after I notified my faithful cyber-followers that the ex-Tory hack is now toiling as the Director of Communications for Doctors Nova Scotia. After months of wondering where she may have landed (Frank 572), some random, insomnia-induced Google-ing took me to Lisa-Lisa’s Twitter page. It was there, I ultimately found a status update Lisa Manninger advising her handful of followers she was accepting a post with Canada’s oldest medical association. You’ll remember, of course, that Lisa’s $65,000-a-year Premier’s Office gig came to an end last June when the Rockey Rodney Regime imploded at the polls; she walked off with over $16,000 in severance. Further Google-ing also revealed that Lisa graduated from Central Elgin Collegiate Institute in St. Thomas, Ont. in 1985. Which, by my mathematical calculations, would mean that she graduated 25 years ago. It also means that Lisa, would be about ... well, let’s just say it means that Lisa would be a heck of a lot older than me. But most likely better paid.
ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK HALIFAX, NOVA SCOTIA ISSUE 583 APRIL 27, 2010 Last week I fell down a rabbit-hole. Immediately I was taken in by characters who grew curiouser & curiouser by the day. Some were orange, some were blue, some were red, but they were all in such terrible, terrible disarray. Charlie The Dodo stuffed boats into bottles. Stephen The Mock Leader, he played croquet with The Stripped Tiger Knave Of Hearts. And, Glennie The Dutchess, she patiently teed up all the croquet balls, while Darrell The Sleepy Dormouse took some fine digital pictures of it all. Nobody could find The Worm. Trevor The Hedge-Hog flipped over the cushions desperately seeking some loose change. I was terrorized. It appeared to me all these characters were just a tad too, too deranged. “Yes, we’re all completely mad, here! That most certainly is the case,” cried Graham The Fibber Footman. “Now, everybody come watch me, please, as I bend this spoonful of truth up upon my crooked face.” “Six o’clock! Time to eat!” gnarled Darrell The Sleepy Dormouse. “But, alas, we’re all out of Leadership Soup!” “So, we’ll eat some ordinary families,” he bellowed. “Why, they’re so darn unmercifully easily duped!” Fortunately, I then stirred enough to ponder the potential dangers of Lysergic Acid Diethylaminde when this thing passed right before my eyes - “Welcome To Nova Scotia” read the big blue, block letter road sign. — Lewis Lewis Lewis Frankland Frankland Frankland Carroll Carroll Atlantic Canada Frank is a magazine of news, satire, opinion, comment and humour published every two weeks by Coltsfoot Publishing Co. Ltd. Copyright Coltsfoot Publishing Ltd. Mailing address: Frank Magazine, P.O. Box 295, Halifax, B3J 2N7. Subscriptions: see back page. Publications Mail Agreement No. 40050490. Phone: 420-1668. Fax: 423-0281. E-mail: atlanticfrank@eastlink.ca. Toll-free Tips Hotline: 1-888-335-5505. Letters, see Pages 30, 31. CLEANING UP THE WALL OF SHAME BY A. FRANK GRUNT MAN ABOUT TOWN DENIS RYAN IS BACK IN TOWN AFTER A QUICK JAUNT TO IRE- LAND TO TAKE CARE OF SOME FAMILY BUSINESS. The former face of Ryan’s Fancy turned man about investments tells me he has done some re-decorating at his downtown Halifax office. Stripped off the wall, says Denis, is the rather large, expensively framed photograph of himself shoulder-to-shoulder with one, Mr. Tiger Woods. The photograph was taken last June when ol’ Pecker Pants (alleged N.S. Opposition Leader Stephen McNeil’s new best friend) was in the province to play a round of charity golf with Ron Joyce at his exclusive Fox Harb’r golf resort near Wallace. In fact, I was sitting with Denis the day the framed photograph arrived at his office. Recent events, however, have required Denis to find a less prominent place for the about 16-inch by 20-inch picture. “The stupid foooker,” Denis lamented when I spoke with him on the corner of Duke & Hollis. Back into the Tickle Trunk went Tiger. Interestingly enough, when Woods arrived at Fox Harb’r much of the regular staff at Joyce’s pristine playground were told to take a few days off, as Mr. Woods preferred to surround himself with his own people, for security reasons, of course. PS: I also want to note that the esteemed Mr. Ryan is as outraged as I am that CBC-TV no longer broadcasts the East Coast Mu- sic Awards. Denis Ryan Fortunately, he did not put himself through the remarkably amateurish Bell Aliant webcast of the big event held at Sydney’s Centre 200 last month. He did say, however, that if you fail to showcase your culture in the best possible forum, then it will slowly begin to erode. Hear, hear! CHOWING DOWN WITH FOR MAYOR PETER MAYOR PETER KELLY TELLS ME HIS $100 A PLATE POLITICAL FUNDRAISER ON APRIL 7 AT DAL’S STUDENT UNION BUILDING WAS A SMASHING SUCCESS. Peter says his organizers were hoping for a turnout of 200; exactly 273 civic-minded folks attended. The guest speaker was the Federation of Canadian Municipalities prezzie Basil Stewart, Mayor For Life of Summerside, P.E.I., and the local glitterai included supreme arsekisser Andrew Krystal, and convention centre developer, Joe Ramia. TOO MUCH INFORMATION I. NOCALLBACH this January 29 gem from Transportation IF GRAHAM STEELE WANTS TO REDUCE THE COST OF GOVERNMENT, HE NEED LOOK NO FURTHER THAN THE BLOATED RANKS OF MY DEAR FRIENDS AT COMMUNICATIONS Infrastructure Renewal: “Reminder to use headlights.” Whereas the department employed 105 in 2006 (opposed to only 57 in 2000, see Frank 505 for the rundown), now 138 spindoctors NOVA SCOTIA. are living large, thanks to Communications The annual CNS payroll has swelled from $3 million a decade ago to over $10 million today. I’m no Mensa candidate, but methinks that’s a hefty $7 million increase, of dubious value to taxpayers. Just think, that $7 million could have subsidized the Cat Ferry for one more year. Instead we get a barrage of press releases like Nova Scotia largesse. Naturally, such a stellar roster of talent comes at a heavy price. In 2000, the highest CNS earner, then-chief mouthpiece mandarin Jim Vibert, drew exactly $70,726. Jim’s salary, which used to be the ceiling, is now exceeded by 30 CNS professional communicators. Excuse me while I heave my lunch. APRIL 27, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 3
Page 1: MODEL BEHAVIOUR: FROM THE N.S. REHA
Page 5 and 6: LIBERAL CANDIDATE LAUNCHED IRISH AB
Page 7 and 8: BEAR BURNING TO BE BACK IN A KITCHE
Page 9 and 10: MYRA FOUGHT THE LAW & THE LAW WON..
Page 11 and 12: HOW TO SKIN A CAT BYELECTION NEWS B
Page 13 and 14: PAULA IS ON THE JOB BY LEFTY MCCASH
Page 15 and 16: SHURLEY SOME MISTAKE! BY A. FRANK G
Page 17 and 18: Dr. Bob Bagg (far right) and some f
Page 19 and 20: BARKEEP MEL ON THE MEND BY A. FRANK
Page 21 and 22: At the “Funis” Silver Jubilee g
Page 23 and 24: SWIPE ACCUSED FACES MORE CHARGES BY
Page 25 and 26: WHAT’S A SWEET VIEW LIKE YOU DOIN
Page 27 and 28: HOUSE ARREST NEWS BY JAYE LORR SEEM
Page 29 and 30: ARE YOU SURE NOW TREVOR? REMEMBER,
Page 31 and 32: FAX ANYTIME: (902) 423-0281 LETTERS

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