Frank Magazine Issue 600.pdf - Besthostingplanever.com

East Coast Air turbulence? �
Barb’s Ta-Tas!
PAUL GOES
GA-GA
FOR SID
Paul Hollingsworth
Jay’s flaming
hot gal!
Why can’t
I quit you?
FRANK BY NAME, FRANK BY NATURE
ISSUE 600 GOOD TIL DECEMBER 21, 2010 $3.00
special
$44.95
�Subscription

TWEETS OF THE WEEK
Follow Frank on Twitter at www.twitter.com/Atlantic_Frank. Because you never know when
Frank may be watching.
� � �
� A company rep says Ultramar plans to sell
its service station lands on Chebucto and
Connolly after site remediation is finished.
The clean-up process typically takes at least
two years, sez Ultramar’s Warren Maynard.
The gas station filled up its last tank on Nov. 30.
The 13,650 square-foot property is assessed
at $310,100. (Tweeted Dec. 4)
� At SGR provincial court, toiler just walked
by with samples of flooring to show Judge Bill
Digby for renos at his chambers. Nice. (Tweeted
Dec. 2)
� Liberal leader Stephen McNeil engaged in
a v. serious political discussion with middle-aged
brunette at Anna’s Cafe on Hollis. (Tweeted
Dec. 2)
� Porker acting strangely. The Gliberal MLA
leaves the Scotia Square KFC without ordering
anything. (Tweeted Dec. 1)
2 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
� A cashier at Lawton’s in Scotia Square
just told me I look like a combination of everyone
on Big Bang Theory. The hot chick too, I wonder?
(Tweeted Nov. 30)
� Has a finer-looking conveyance ever roamed the streets of Halifax? (Tweeted Dec. 1)
� Former Commissionaires
N.S. gal Tanya
Sieliakus-Bourne winds her
way through the lineup at
Empire Bayers Lake with a
dark-haired dude in tow.
(Tweeted Nov. 27)
� More construction workers
than tellers at RBC Oxford
& Quinpool. Wouldn’t be surprised
to see a reno service
fee on my next bank statement.
(Tweeted Nov. 24)
24 Nov
� Did Starr Dobson just call
Cyril Lunney “Surrul”?
(Tweeted Nov. 23)

ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK
HALIFAX, NOVA SCOTIA
ISSUE 600
DECEMBER 21, 2010
On the road to Dartmouth Crossing, I had a
vision.
Suddenly the LED streetlight overhead began
flashing... I pulled over to the side of the road,
unhooked my seat belt, and fell under the car
seat, where I toss all my empty Timmy’s cups.
I heard a voice over the car stereo say, “Why
do you persecute me?”
“Who is this?” I called, but no one answered,
except the wife, who asked if I was nuts.
The eerie voice replied, “I represent the
taxpayers of Nova Scotia, whom you are
persecuting!”
The voice ordered me to go into the city,
where apparently I would be told what to do.
As I crouched under the steering wheel, an
old coffee cup squished against my face, the old
lady hollered, “What is wrong with you? We’ll
miss the featured deals at Future Shop!”
I struggled back upright, and my vision was
struck by a giant ball of light.
“My God, my God, I’ve gone blind!” I
cried.
The missus clutched my arm, and I silently
vowed I’d never persecute the poor, innocent
taxpayer again.
Just as I was about to call Graham and repeal
the HST hike, a semi, barrelling towards us in
the opposite lane, switched off its high-beams,
and I could see!
That’s when I realised that old philistine Don
Connolly was interviewing Auditor General
Jacques Lapointe on Information Boring.
I snapped to my senses, turned to the ball and
chain and yelled, “Let’s go buy the kid another
expensive digital camera on the taxpayer’s
dime!” I never did call Graham to repeal the
HST hike.
I’m headed back to Arizona for some more
R&R. Seeya after the holidays!
Comrade Comrade Darrellolai Darrellolai Darrellolai Dexterovich,
Dexterovich,
Nova Nova Scotia Scotia Premier
Premier
Managing editor: Andrew Douglas
Chief reporter: Dan Walsh
Staff reporters: Neal Ozano
John Williams
Copy editor/Layout: Joan Westen
Atlantic Canada Frank is a magazine of news, satire,
opinion, comment and humour published every
two weeks by Coltsfoot Publishing Limited. Copyright
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DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 3

Mike
Duffy
SAD DAY FOR
MARGARET MIKE
FRANKLAND CONDOLENCES TO SENATOR
MIKE DUFFY FOR THE LOSS OF HIS
MOTHER, LILLIAN BERNADETTE DUFFY,
WHO DIED IN THE CHARLOTTETOWN HOSPI-
TAL ON NOV. 28 AT 93.
Exactly 10 years and 57 days before his mother’s
death, Mike Duffy stood on Parliament
Hill, his future retirement home, and blasted
Maggie Trudeau so hard she “collapsed on
her knees ... her body heaving with sobs,” as
Toronto Star’s William Walker reported.
It is hard to think of another moment in Canadian
journalism as cruel as when Duffy reminded
Margaret of her dead son — “This was
Misha’s birthday,” was the heartless phrase
from that fat, obnoxious mouth — as she stood
4 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
beside her late husband’s coffin.
Never one to suffer fools gladly, Pierre Elliott
Trudeau once took particular relish in humiliating
him, long before the Puffster grew into an
absolute caricature of a TV newsman.
I’m told it was during an election stop-over in
Moncton, when the prime ministerial hopeful
was on a train that started pulling away from
the station.
In the version I heard, reporter Puffster arrived
seconds too late and Trudeau took great
delight in leaning out the window and yelling,
“Run, fatso, run!”
Duffy has 10.5 years left in the Upper Chambers
until his mandatory retirement at 75, drawing
$132,300-per. At that rate, the Duffster will
collect nearly $1.4 million from taxpayers, if
he finishes his term.
ADVENTURES
IN TAXPAYING
BY DAN WALSH
AN EPIC DAVID & GOLIATH BATTLE IS
SHAPING UP BETWEEN POOR LITTLE DE-
FENCELESS TAXPAYERS AND THE PHILIS-
TINE GIANT OF THE SOUTH SHORE, FRANK
ANDERSON.
A colossus among men, deposed czar of the
South West Shore Development Authority
and Yarmouth Area Industrial Commission
kingdoms, Frank is out to recapture taxpayer
dollars, by slapping
his mortal enemies
the N-Dipper
government and country
bumpkin cabinet
minister Percy Paris
with a libel lawsuit.
By some unprecedented
quirk of fate,
the N-Dippers are now
ruling over us taxpayers,
and serve as
guardians of our public
purse. Lord help us
all.
It remains to be seen
if government forces
Frank Anderson
can marshall the courage to stand up to Frank’s
formidable attack.
No doubt Frank (no relation) has his own legion
of followers, particularly among the powerful
Tory old-boys clique in Yarmouth, who
have already declared jihad on Percy The Cat-
Killer and demolished the local N-Dipper tribe.
In the Dipper war room in Halifax, supreme
leader Darrellolai Dexterovich may be fearful
of the political damage that a sustained war
with Frank would cause.
War is costly, and regional unrest may break
out. Would Sterling Belliveau’s Fortress
Shelburne be vulnerable to a fifth-column of
Frank’s allies? General Dan O’Connor-
O’Dempsey is likely advising Dexterovich to
proceed with caution.
In the end, instead of protecting poor defenceless
taxpayers, our spineless N-Dippers may
decide to run and hide, and simply pay off Frank
to return to his Register.com Bat-cave and
live out the rest of his days in luxurious silence.
I’ve heard suggestions that Frank, who I’m
told earned between $95,000-100,000-per, is
willing to settle for a sum in the ballpark of
$400,000.
The first casualty of government is always
the taxpayer, eh? Like lambs to the slaughter...

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT
YOU HEARD IT ALL!
WHEN NOT FERRYING AROUND THE FINE
PEOPLE OF SYDNEY, THE GOOD FOLKS AT
BRIAND’S TAXI HAVE BEEN KNOWN ON
OCCASION TO PARK AT METERS ACROSS
FROM THEIR WENTWORTH STREET OFFICE,
RIGHT IN FRONT OF CAPE BRETON’S
LARGEST LAW FIRM, SAMPSON
MCDOUGALL.
Now, it’s always been my understanding that
metered parking is made available to the
citizenry on a first come, first serve basis. Apparently
the learned lawyers at S&M never got
that memo.
SWAMP BUGGIE NEWS
DETAILS ARE SCARCE, BUT MY
WHYCOCOMAGH SOURCES TELL ME THAT
FORMER MUTUAL FUNDS PEDDLER ALLAN
CHARLES MACDONALD, LATE 50ISH, WAS
RECENTLY INVOLVED IN A MINOR MOTOR
VEHICLE MISHAP.
One such source advises that Allan
went off the road in the vicinity of East
Lake Ainslie and found himself stuck in
a swamp one evening last month (I hate
when that happens — ed.). Luckily, I’m told,
an RCMP cruiser happened along moments
later and was able to lend a helping hand.
The apparent incident comes just a few
months after Charles’s licence was restored
following a year-long suspension
due to a breathalyser conviction in June
of 2009. He’s out of practice, I suppose.
Charles, along with his former brotherin-law,
local bookseller Bob Cook, were
once self-described wheeler-dealers with
the infamous Principal Group, which
failed spectacularly in 1987, causing misled
investors worldwide — including many
Cape Bretoners — to lose their shirts.
Principal was revealed to be nothing
more than a pyramid-style scheme, and its
$500-million bankruptcy was, at the time,
the largest in Canadian history.
Neither Charles nor Bob has accomplished
much since their halcyon days out
West.
Alas, I wasn’t able to catch up with
Charles at his Marble Mountain home,
and the Mounties weren’t able to fulfil
my request for more information before
my deadline.
On a recent day, I hear the firm requested
that the cabbies vacate the spots to make room
for their clients. The cabbies obliged, perhaps
concerned about a legal scuffle with such a
high powered firm. Incidentally, no recompense
was offered.
An observer tells me that for the rest of the
day, users of the newly vacated spots seemed
destined for either the YMCA - of which S&M
staffers enjoy a magnificent rear view - and
the prestigious Bargain Shop, which incidentally
provides ample parking for its own customers.
One client did park in front of the storied firm,
an elderly lady driving a circa 1995 red Chev
Inverness Co.
mishap (not
exactly as
illustrated).
CAPE BRETON
CALLING...
Cavalier with a white door on the rear driver’s
side and a major wallop on the arse end. The
somewhat dishevelled-looking woman made her
way into the prestigious firm clutching a Sobeys
bag stuffed with what one can only assume
were extremely important papers. Could she
have been headed inside to consult with S&M’s
most senior legal counsel, A. Robert
Sampson?
We may never know.
MORE CAPE BRETON NEWS
ON PAGES 6-7
DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 5

CHIT CHAT
MY SOURCES TELL ME THAT THE CANADA
REVENUE AGENCY HAS LAUNCHED A FULL-
FLEDGED INVESTIGATION INTO THE AFFAIRS
OF A LOCAL BUSINESSMAN ON THE HEELS
OF A COMPREHENSIVE AUDIT OF HIS BOOKS.
SOUNDS LIKE THE TAXMAN SMELLS SOME-
THING FISHY.
� � �
Speaking of investigations, a half dozen
footsoldiers from one of Canada’s leading private
investigation firms has spent the last few
weeks in Sydney on official business.
The MegaProbe contingent includes three
retired senior RCMP investigators, one retired
CSIS investigator and two support staff, all
moving with military-like precision.
Stay tuned on this one, it may well go nuclear!
� � �
A longstanding local firm is in very serious
financial straits following the recall of its line of
credit. Needless to say, time is not their friend in
the scramble to secure additional sources of
cash.
Anita DeLazzer
� � �
Morale at the Cape Breton Post is not getting
any better despite the best efforts of Anita
“I’m Not A Beancounter” Delazzer.
I know for a fact that the award winning paper
is one of Quebec-based Transcontinental’s
most profitable dailies. That’s straight from
the mouth of company founder Remi Marcoux,
whose business acumen, not to mention salmon
6 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
The Allegro
Grill in Sydney.
fishing skills, I respect immensely.
Also in attendance during my chat with Monsieur
at Montreal’s University Club was none
other than my good man, Gowlings LaFleur
Henderson LLP partner Philippe Ferland.
� � �
A “former” Sydney lawyer is spending considerable
time ensconced at the McConnell
Library, feverishly researching someone or
something. I can’t help but wonder what that’s
all about.
� � �
The Black Spoon in North Sydney is a delightful
place.
The chowder is superb and the Bananas
Foster, a dish I had never before experienced,
is a hit. It’s a chef-owned place, just like Allegro
down the road in Sydney. Incidentally, you
gotta check out Lynn’s coffee cake.
� � �
Can somebody please tell me why commercial
office space and store frontage in Sydney
is more expensive per square foot than Halifax
or Montreal?
Must be some complex business model I can’t
grasp. One would think it would be better to
collect a reasonable amount of rent at a rate the
market can bear, as opposed to collecting no
rent at all.
The vacant offices and storefronts on Char-
lotte Street alone are enough to send me spiralling
into a weeks-long depression.
� � �
The Port of Sydney welcomed more than
100,000 souls aboard cruise ships this year, all
of whom I’m sure were v. pleased with the shiny
new $10 million cruise ship pavilion.
Less pleasing to them, I imagine, is the godawful
view approaching the city from the mouth
of the harbour. Outside of 1980s-era Beirut or
present-day Detroit, I can’t think of where you
might find a more impressive collection of broken
down old buildings. The old Robin Hood
building is one of the worst offenders, but I’d be
here all day if I wanted to list them all. Suffice to
say, urban decay is one of the worst problems
facing our city, and we ignore it at our peril.
� � �
Nice to see Gary Ross’s wayward days are
behind him.
When not toiling at the Mira River Provincial
Park, Gary does a Herculean service as a collector
of monies for the Friends of The Mira
River Park. He is known to collect donations
for firework displays and the like from illustrious
benefactors without producing receipts or
advising that the noted organization is not a registered
charity. But hey, what’s a thousand dollars
here and there between old friends?
CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE

� � �
Cape Breton-born Denny Pickup, son of N.S. Supreme Court Justice
Arthur “WD 40” Pickup, is an able and affable young barrister
doing yeoman service at the prestigious Halifax law firm of Burchells
LLP.
When Denny isn’t juggling his heavy case load and striving to meet
arbitrary deadlines foisted upon him by senior partners with demanding
clients, he has developed a unique form of stress relief heretofore unknown
to the masses. I understand young Denny, who was incidentally
raised in the big city, enjoys chasing coyotes on his four-wheeler near the
family getaway in the Port Hood area. I only hope he remembers to wear
a helmet!
� � �
Congrats to Sydney’s Novak Construction for its well designed subdivision
above Braemare Drive.
Phase one consists of 16 unique lots; the turnkey homes will be built on
spec, with the homeowners choosing their preferred level of trim. The
first home sold just below the asking price of $344,000. The craftsmanship,
quality of materials and finite attention to detail is usually found only
in homes in a much higher price range.
� � �
Belated b-day wishes to the beautiful and kind Jennifer Wilson, wife
of Jason and daughter-in-law to donut czar Gary.
Jenny, who recently started hawking real estate to the masses, spent
her birthday evening with a fellow delectable real estate thingy, and I
regret to report that the beverage of choice was most definitely not Tim’s
double-doubles. Incidentally, at 40, Jenny is the baby amongst her considerably
older friends.
� � �
Very impressed with the young, able and affable Keith MacDonald of
Cape Breton Partnership fame.
A bright light in a sea of mediocrity, it will be interesting to see if Keith is
able to confine himself to the local area. He may just be better served “goin
down the road,” making his mark
and return with a Rolodex (what
dat? — ed.) full of heavy hitters.
Or maybe not. In any case, he’s
one to watch.
� � �
A Chit Chat tip of the hat to
Gordie MacPherson, newspaper
seller extraordinaire.
Whether it’s 30 degrees in the
shade or there’s snow up to your
arse, Gordie’s standing outside
the Timmy’s on George Street
with a paper and a smile. They
say there’s only two sure things
in life, death and taxes. For the
locals who love him, Gordie makes
three.
� � �
And finally, a sincere thank you
to Frank editor Andrew Douglas
for service above and beyond
the call of duty these past several
weeks as the publication is
going through a major period of
transition, quite far from “business
Keith MacDonald
as usual” mode.
However, never has Andrew’s energy been as high, attention to detail
so fine, posture so erect, voice so deep than Friday last when he had to
endure a nine-hour photo shoot with some of this province’s top scantily
clad models, who in some cases wished to doff their tops.
Luckily Andrew was able to talk the photographer into keeping everything
in check for our bi-weekly family publication.
DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 7

BIGGER & BETTER BARB
BY DAN WALSH
BARB STEGEMANN’S MAGNIFICENT SELF-
OBSESSION TOME, THE 7 VIRTUES OF A
PHILSOPHER QUEEN, ENDS ITS 199-PAGE
ODYSSEY WITH A LESSON SOME ARE NOW
CLAIMING IS ANCIENT HISTORY: THE TITIL-
LATING TALE OF HER TINY TA-TAS.
Some are now wondering if Barb’s hankering
for heftier hooters - in her 2008 book, the bodyimage
conscious scribe confesses, “There was
a time when I was considering having implants”
— has suddenly translated into falsies for the
Philosopher Queen.
While I’m hearing that it was earlier this year
when Barb’s bust busted out, her literary big
boob brooding begins with the following axiom:
“As women, we often scrutinize our breasts.”
(Not half as much as most men I know. — ed.)
With Sex In The City-like candor, Babs blabs,
“And for those of us who have had children,
often they just don’t look the same as they did
before. I know I went from a full B to less than
an A!”
Barb’s mesmerising mammary musings continue:
“Many of my friends had had (implants)
and were so happy with the results. I continue
to grapple with this idea of beauty and wondered
for myself, whose idea of beauty is that?”
Unbosoming her bosom, Barb writes, “I have
been so supportive of my friends’ decisions and
wondered if this would work for me. Until one
day, I saw myself in my true beauty.”
Reading more like a passage from De Sade
than Sartre, Barb has an epiphany when she
spies herself in the mirror, “with cleanser all
over me, my hair (in) a mess,” while cleaning
her bathroom in an old dress.
“Oddly, I noticed how my chest closely resembled
that of a ballerina. The ability to vaguely
see the ribs on my barrel chest looked so much
like a dancer’s chest,” she explains in a sentence
that likely made Strunk & White spin in
their respective graves. (Who dey? — ed.)
“That night when I was getting ready to go to
an event, I decided that with such small breasts
I could wear a gorgeous black dress with a
plunging neckline to show off my ballerina chest.
This is something I had never done before.”
She boasts, “I was surprised at how many
compliments I received on my dress and was
surprised by the large-breasted women who
came up to me and said, ‘I wish I could wear a
dress like yours’.”
What does Barb take from all her navel-gazing,
er, melon-gazing? “So, in the end, it dawned
on me. If I believe I am beautiful, and I see the
beauty in its honesty and embrace it for what it
is — so will everyone else. The power resides
in me.”
See — our Barb’s no boob.
Barb, before...
8 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
In honour of Barb, and to all the women
who contemplate breast enhancement surgery,
Frankland’s poet laureate proudly unveils
his latest composition: (With apologies to
Hamlet’s eternal quandary)
“To have, or not to have a boob job — that
is the question.
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
the bra strings of outrageous fun-bags,
... and after.
Or to brush up your arms against those
saline bubbles,
and by operating, extend them. Too densetoo
silicone —
no matter —and by silicone’s embrace to
say we end
the heartache of those tiny natural knockers
that flesh is heir to...”

LOVE...
IT’S NOT EXACTLY TOM CRUISE
JUMPING ON OPRAH’S COUCH AND
PROCLAIMING HIS LOVE FOR
KATIE, BUT NO DOUBT THE
PASSION RUNS JUST AS DEEP.
In the past fortnight, both Mike
Velemirovich and Barb Stegemann
have changed their personal
Facebook status to announce they
are in a relationship. Awwww, muffin!
.... Isn’t that sweet? ...Just like a couple
of junior school kids!
Regrettably, I have had no indications
from the John MacDonell camp
Mike Velemirovich
on how her former fiancee John is
handling the news that Barb has hitched her wagon to Hillcrest
Volkswagon GM Mike (Frank 599).
I’m confident John would never sink to the level of pettiness shown by
his boss, Peter MacKay, and make disparaging remarks comparing his
ex to man’s best friend.
Based on earlier observations from some of his friends, I suspect that
with Barb’s departure, John has now joined the Lonely Hearts Club.
Isn’t that the way of most relationships? They start off like a Marvin
Gaye lovefest; next thing you know, you’re crying the blues.
... AND
MONEY
BARB STEGEMANN’S
ORANGE BLOSSOM
SPECIAL STINK-SPRAY
WAS APPARENTLY THE
NEXT BEST THING
SINCE CHANEL NO.5
TO DRAGON’S DEN
PUSH-OVER BRETT
WILSON.
In an upcoming appearance
on the CBC’s entrepreneurial
American
Idol, due to air in Janu-
Brett
ary, Barb unleashes her
intoxicating stench on the
Wilson
pugilistic Dragons, and
emerges smelling like roses — if Brett’s Facebook page is any indication.
On Nov. 17, Brett posted a link to History Television’s contest to name
perfumier Barb’s new scent, made from the organic rose oil of Afganistan.
“This is a company I am closely involved with,” Brett writes, cheekily
adding, “I can’t say why - for reasons of national security — life and death
— that sort of thing.”
Calgary-based oil and gas mogul Brett, the darling of the national business
media who earlier this year reportedly broke up with his G-F, Halifax-born
warbler Sarah McLachlan, is known as the Dragon most willing
to open his wallet, whenever a sound business idea comes his way.
BY NEAL OZANO
Jay Dahl &
Kristin Langille
FLIPPING & FLYING
INTO MATRIMONY
THE PRODUCER OF PICNICFACE’S NEW ROLLERTOWN MOVIE IS
MARRYING A CIRCUS ACROBAT. IS THAT A NATURAL COMBINATION?
Those that know Halifax filmmaker Jay Dahl (Draft Beer, SEX! With
Hot Robots, Rollertown) and acrobat/model/teacher Kristin Langille
say absolutely. The couple, who got engaged in New York in late November,
have been flirting for eight years.
“Sometimes, you look at people, and you wonder, ‘What are they doing
together?’ and this is not the case with them,” says Halifax Circus
director Mike Hirschbach. He said Langille has been teaching kids to
fly with the school since January, after finishing an acrobatics course
in California.
“She’s basically the person who’s hanging 10 feet above us,” says
Hirschbach, while standing near Kristin’s class full of acrobats-in-training
in the hall of St. Matthew’s United Church on Barrington Street.
Hirschbach says he didn’t believe Jay existed. He listened to her talk
about Jay, but had never seen him.
“I demanded proof that he existed to make sure he wasn’t a figment of
her imagination.”
He finally met Jay when Kristin dragged him into the school. “They’re
both at the top of their game in their respective fields,” he says, so
they’re so busy, they rarely see each other.
Dahl grew up in Northern Alberta, and dabbled in genetics and ESL
teaching for years before picking up a movie camera.
Outside Dahl’s Rollertown producer credits (the film is due out in 2011),
he’s a constant face in the Atlantic Film Festival’s Atlantic Shorts
galas, with little ditties like Time Farter, the tale of a man who farts to go
back in time (duh) and Don’t Break Up with Megan, which starred
Kristin as the hellish and manipulative Megan, and ends with a restaurant
full of women stabbing voodoo dolls in the crotch. Hopefully, the film is no
inspiration for what I’m sure will be married bliss.
DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 9

THE GANG
SAYS SO LONG
TO PETER M.
BY ANDREW DOUGLAS
ON THURSDAY NIGHT, NOVEMBER 25, THE
CTV ATLANTIC CREW BADE FAREWELL TO PE-
TER MALLETTE AT THE LION’S HEAD TAVERN
— STUDIO L IN CTV INSIDER PARLANCE —
JUST A FEW DOORS DOWN FROM THE ROBIE
STREET STATION. MOST OF THE CREW, ANY-
WAY.
In case you haven’t heard, Peter, who began
at the station with a part-time reporting gig in
1996, is going to work for Big Cancer. Prostate
Cancer Canada, to be exact, the organization
behind the visual terrorism known as
Movember, an excuse for guys all across the
country to wear douchey moustaches for a
month. Formerly the poor cousin of cancers,
the campaign has raised prostate cancer to the
level of middle power. Still not the dominating
superpower that breast cancer is, but it’s a start.
Peter will be heading up the non-profit’s Atlantic
division in the newly created role of executive
director.
The Northern Ontario native, who you’ll remember
played a central role in the Stephane
Dion interview re-start debacle back in 2008,
has experience with prostate cancer, having
successfully conquered the disease five years
ago. To some who remember Barbara Frum’s
quiet and dignified battle with leukemia, Peter’s
October 23, 2005 announcement of his diagnosis
to CTV Weekend News viewers
crossed that line where personality overtakes
news reporting. But then again, it might be un-
10 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
fair to compare Mallette with Barbara Frum, who
remains the consummate professional among
us media hacks.
Now where was I.... oh yes, the party.
By 6:45, the gathering was in full swing, with
Starr Dobson, Todd Battis, Mike Elgie, Jay
Witherbee, Rick Grant, Maria Panopalis and
Cyril Lunney among the few dozen gathered
at tables in the main room of the English pub.
At 7:04, fresh from his 6 p.m. newscast, Steve
Murphy sauntered in, followed closely by
Joanne Clancy, Jacqueline Foster and Kayla
Hounsell. Among the notable absences were
Liz Rigney, Bruce Frisko, Cindy Day, Jayson
Baxter, Heidi Petracek and Paul Hollings-
YEAH, WHAT IT SAYS IN
THE AD, MINUS JESSICA
BY ANDREW DOUGLAS
ANYONE FIND IT FUNNY THAT THE NEW Q104
MORNING SHOW TELEVISION SPOT STARTED RUN-
NING THE FIRST BUSINESS DAY FOLLOWING CO-
HOST JESSICA RANKIN’S DEPARTURE?
A source at the station tells me that the spot,
focused on the Q Morning Crew’s weekly
chats with Rachel Dodds of Sexy Girl, was
originally intended to run on a certain tier of
Eastlink cable — Spike, CNN and A&E and
the like — during the fall ratings season.
Because of technical difficulties on Eastlink’s
end, the company wasn’t able to accommodate
them until now. Fortunately, I’m advised Eastlink
assured management at the NewCap-owned
rock station that it wouldn’t be charged for the
weeks the commercial didn’t run. Big of them,
I’d say.
When at the 11th hour they realized Jessica
was leaving — she fled for an off-air radio gig
on the West Coast last month — they decided
to say screw it and run the damn thing anyway.
� Speaking of the fall BBM ratings, they’re
not as bad as they could have been for the
Mighty Q. Still pretty bad, though.
Due almost entirely to the entrance of Evanov’s
worth. I also didn’t spot Peter’s longtime partner
Stephen Lukas, with whom he shares a
$295,000-assessed Ramar Drive, Hammonds
Plains abode. It was a work thing, I
guess, not many spouses, although I believe
prodigal son Todd’s better half Katherine was
in attendance.
There was white cake with white frosting.
And speeches.
Station manager Elgie presented Peter with a
travel voucher, possibly from CAA. The
Murphster said a few words, and then it was
Peter’s turn to bid his farewell, with a crackling
voice and possibly a tear or two. Goodbye’s
the saddest word, y’know.
RADIO
DAZE
Live 101.5 alternative rock station into the Halifax
market, Q dropped from first place and a
14.6 per cent market share down to third, with
10.3 per cent. The question is whether or not
the tumble will continue. We’ll find out in the
spring. In the meantime, C100 is back in the
number one spot, capturing 12.4 per cent of
total listeners.
� In Mother Corp news, I see where former
Franklander and Daily News grunt Brendan
Elliott is back in Halifax, albeit not permanently.
The CBC Radio thingy is here on loan from the
Ceeb in P.E.I., filing stories for both radio and
TV.

AUTO-MATIC RELIEF
DOWN AT THE STEELE LOT
CHRISTMAS CAME EARLY FOR STEELE
FORD LINCOLN GENERAL MANAGER URBAN
DONLEVY.
In late September, Public Prosecution withdrew
single charges of impaired driving and
refusing a breathalyzer against Urban, 44.
PP spokesthingy Chris Hansen tells me both
charges were withdrawn “because there was
no realistic prospect of conviction.”
Industry chatter suggests Urban’s dilemma
BY DAN WALSH
DRAMA QUEEN PATRICIA MACCULLOCH,
A SELF-DESCRIBED “VIRTUAL PRISONER
UNDER HOUSE ARREST,” THANKS TO HER
MAY 2009 BREATHALYZER REFUSAL, DOES
NOT TAKE KINDLY TO THE NEWS OF URBAN
DONLEAVY’S BREATHALYZER VINDICATION.
“He must be able to afford a good lawyer,”
sniffed the veteran Brit stage siren.
“I couldn’t afford a lawyer. That’s why I’m still
being punished.”
Stripped of her driver’s licence, the 75-year
old former Broadway songstress calls the situation
in her Northwest Cove cottage “desperate.
I live a half-hour drive from the closest food
shop, and an hour from medical attention.”
Asked how she spends her days, Nova
Scotia’s answer to Aung San Suu Kyi replies:
“I’m litigating, dahling.”
In addition to her recent legal fallout over the
breathalyser refusal, the Widow MacCulloch
remains in a state of perpetual war against
Revenue Canada parasites, over the disputed
assets of her late husband Charlie Mac-
Culloch’s estate.
Not only is Patricia, who also owns a Fairview
crash pad, writing her tell-all expose of the N.S.
justice system, to be called Charlie’s Millions,
she explains she is also carpet-bombing Justice
minnie Ross Landry and Service Nova
Scotia minnie Ramona Jennex with her protestations.
“I continue to be condemned by the motor
vehicle department,” declares Patricia.
“Yet I’ve committed no crime.”
was shaping up to be a problematic one for the
Steele Auto Group, until his exoneration rendered
it all a moot point.
My call to SAG ceo Rob Steele was not returned.
Late last month Urban, who owns a $577,700assessed
home on Lakeshore Drive with
wife Lorie, acquired a crashpad a little closer
to the dealership, on Flamingo Drive, assessed
at $293,600.
dan@atlanticfrank.ca
WIDOW MACCULLOCH
STILL FIGHTING THE MAN
Patricia MacCulloch
& friend.
Urban Donlevy
DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 11

WHEN PILOTS FLY
BY NEAL OZANO
EAST COAST AIRWAYS MAY BE OFF THE GROUND, BUT FRANK
MAGAZINE HAS LEARNED THAT BEHIND THE SCENES TURMOIL IS
CAUSING MAJOR HEADACHES, TO SAY THE LEAST, FOR COMPANY
BOSS JAY HASSON.
The new regional carrier launched its first bird on November 29 following
a four-week delay connected to regulatory issues with Transport
Canada.
Sources tell Frank that in the days leading up to its maiden flight, two
pilots, Troy Rennie and Jeremy Keyes, along with marketing manager
Sarah MacKinnon - the daughter of Pictou East MLA Clarrie MacKinnon
- all walked away from the company. Troy, I understand, submitted his
notice after the airline didn’t launch on its pre-announced date in the first
week of November. Marketing thingy Sarah bailed the week of Nov. 21,
with Jeremy close on her heels.
In addition, Al Abraham, Jr. left his post as ECA director earlier this fall.
The Registry of Joint Stocks website shows there was a change of
directors on October 26, the same day CBC News reporter Jack Julian
broke the story that creditors in the U.S. are chasing Jay and his CTV
weathergal wife Tina Simpkin.
Former Halifax Port Authority chair Al, whose namesake dad is the
former Lieutenant Governor, denies any connection between the two
events.
“I was never meant to stay on permanently, just for the setup phase,” Al
tells me, adding: “It was never my intent to stay on as director once it was
up and running.”
Al is quick to assure me he remains an investor in the firm. Another
investor could well be Al’s Halifamous brother-in-law, MBS owner Robert
Pace. In the past Jay ferried the great man from place to place, as Robert’s
personal helicopter pilot.
As for the fleeing employees, I’m advised that certain company quirks
added up to make their overall working experiences less than enjoyable.
For example, paycheques were known to come in the form of TD Canada
Trust money orders, without reference to Jay, Tina, or East Coast Airways.
No pay stubs either.
“You have no idea what you’ve grossed, so if you’re trying to get a car
loan, you’ve got nothing to prove what you’re being paid,” complains a
former employee.
A cheque for one recent pay period did come on an East Coast Airways
cheque, and was signed by Jay.
Jay hung up on me the first time I called, but dialled me back after I sent
a detailed list of questions by fax.
“You’re wasting your time trying to contact me by email or fax. I won’t be
talking to you from now on,” he sputtered.
Without additional action from my end, Jay called back a few hours later
with more potent quotables.
“I’m going to shoot a warning shot over your head. You are writing
stories that are untrue, and if you continue to talk to my directors, or
employees, I am going to get a lawyer,” he told me, before hanging up
again.
Jay and Tina are currently the sole directors of East Coast Airways.
Frank has previously reported that, in addition to the nearly $750,000
creditors are screaming for in the U.S., a former landlord is suing Jay and
Tina for $8,604.64, claiming the couple broke a lease on their $3,125/
month Hammonds Plains Road pile, when they left and moved into a
newly purchased Lake Mist Drive abode earlier this year.
In September, landlords Aziz and Margaret David, of Cucina
Moderna fame, won a judgement against them in Small Claims Court.
Jay is in the process of appealing (Frank 598).
12 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
Jay Hasson
& wiferoo
Tina Simpkin.

PUBNICO A’FLUTTER ABOUT
HOMETOWN BOY’S ARREST
BY ANDREW DOUGLAS
THE APPREHENSION OF JEAN PIERRE D’ENTREMONT, 28, IN
CONNECTION WITH A TRIO OF BURGLARIES IN SOUTH END HALIFAX
IS THE BIGGEST SCANDAL TO HIT THE SOUTH SHORE FISHING
VILLAGE OF PUBNICO IN A DECADE, ACCORDING TO A SOURCE.
A native of the Yarmouth County hamlet, the federal government
beancounter was arrested November 28 after someone broke into apartments
at 5274 Harvey St. between September 10 and the date he was
apprehended. Jean Pierre, an active volunteer, is facing a total of nine
charges, including breaking and entering two of the building’s units, as
well as possession of burglary instruments, namely, a Maglight and
rubber gloves. He’s also facing two counts of possession of stolen property
under $5,000, one apiece for items belonging to Matt McLellan and
clothing belonging to Chantel Deck. Chantel, along with Grant
Cherernuk and Kyle Piddock, live in one of the units, while Sean
Hogan and Kathleen Finley have the other. The building, next door to
the house of Prudential super-agent Carolyn Davis Stewart and her
hubby, Dr. Dan Reid and on a block dominated by student housing, is
owned by Peter Metlej.
A source, who grew up with Jean Pierre, describes him as a smart
fellow but shy, “almost to the point of anxiety.”
He’s extremely close with his mother, Pubnico drugstore toiler Pam,
who I understand was in town on the
night of his arrest to catch the travelling
ABBA show, Mamma Mia, at the Metro
Centre. His dad Norbert, incidentally,
is a tradesman.
Jean Pierre gave the musical a miss
due to a prior volunteer commitment with
St. John Ambulance. As I understand
it, he was arrested shortly after 10 p.m.,
well before the cast would have belted
out the final chorus of Waterloo.
Jean Pierre was released later that
evening on a recognizance with the
usual conditions, including one that he
stay at least 50 metres away from the
scene of the alleged crimes, no easy
feat considering he lives just around the
corner at 5264 Morris St., precisely
Jean Pierre D’Entremont
at the age of 18, in his
days as a part-time
cashier at the
Pharmasave in Pubnico.
180 metres away, according to Google Maps.
An active participant in the cancer fundraiser Relay for Life, Jean
Pierre appeared alongside star defence lawyer David Bright the following
day and waived the reading of the charges.
He’s set to return to provincial court on Spring Garden Road at 9:30
a.m.
BRINDI’S MOM
& THE CAT CAPER
BY NEAL OZANO
BRINDI BAWLER FRANNY ROGIER
SNEAKED BACK IN SHORTLY AFTER
BEING BOOTED FROM HER 782 EAST
CHEZZETCOOK HERITAGE HOLE BY
BYLAW ENFORCEMENT NOV. 19.
Rogier left the house, deemed unlivable
— no basement walls and only piles of
wood holding it up — by the gangplank.
“She’d left the property with a cat carrier,
but made a comment that she didn’t
have her cat with her,” says bylaw services
head honchette Tanya Phillips.
Rogier told the security guard to “keep
an eye out” for her cat as she sauntered
off.
But, good news. The cat came back,
and so did Rogier.
“We heard from the property owner that
she is in possession of her cat,” Phillips
now tells me.
It’s not that she broke the law, says
Phillips, but that she’s “putting herself at
risk” if she goes into that mess of a house.
neal@atlanticfrank.ca
DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 13

FRANK’S SPECTACULAR 600TH ISSUE RETROSPECTIVAPALOOZA
INSERT CLEVER HEAD HERE
IT WAS U.S. PREZ LYNDON B. JOHNSON WHO ONCE SAID SOMETHING
TO THE EFFECT THAT IF HE EVER WALKED ON WATER, THE NEWPAPER
HEADLINE WOULD READ, “PRESIDENT CAN’T SWIM.”
In the great tradition of the old Fleet Street tabloids, what Frank headlines
sacrifice in realism, they more than make up for in pithiness and wit
(Shurely, shome mishtake! — ed.).
Without further ado, here are some of our favourite headlines from the
past 599 issues...
� Mathers in a lather (Frank 25)
� Andy in a Lynching mood (25)
� Skinny dipping with John and Mavis (45)
� Pace-saving decision (49)
� Patricia wants judges by the balls (58)
� Al Abraham to the miscue (61)
� Is your lawyer living in the style
to which you should be accustomed? (70)
� Benefit dance to be held for Jodrey family (77)
� Mary rapes the public purse, again (82)
� King’s accusation surfaces: Hankey Panky alleged (90)
� Excellent author writes
very nice book (94)
� Finance minister Greg
Kerr and wife
possessedby strange
cross-border shopping
demon! (97)
�����
(88)
� Endangered species alert — Tory
ats threaten fur-bearing animal (98)
� Brian & Mila, The secret wedding
photos (100)
� Irene is dead — finally! (102)
� Wife swapping at the NS Liquor
Commission(103)
� Donovans get millions while
local actors starve (105)
� Is Headless hairless? (119)
� Metro Centre madness: They fired the
organ grinder and kept the monkey on (109)
� The nine lives of the publisher’s daughter (123)
� Sydney mayor to marry dog catcher! (125)
� Deborah Coyne: The woman who said “Yes, Yes, Yes!”
to Pierre Trudeau — but No! to Canada (127)
� Finance minister goofs off to play doctor while N.S. goes broke (129)
� Alison, Dale, donairs and a night in jail! (139)
� Scandal rocks Bluenose! Sex, greed & ego...
The rape of a national treasure! (149)
� Ross Bragg clasps wild man to his bosom (155)
� Why Mary is doomed to be fat (159)
� Paul Martin — The ideal man to run Canada onto the rocks (162)
� Savage finds Downe syndrome cure (164)
� Sex doc gets off! (169)
� Barbie from hell terrorizes Eastern Shore (170)
� Giggles takes a lawyer husband...(173)
� The Stalinization of little MITV (182)
� Anne snubs Gene, Ms. Snowbird misses composer’s funeral (187)
� Theresa’s dress stuns a gala Sydney social event (189)
� When Judge Jill was a beauty queen (194)
� Monster home eats up Young Avenue (198)
� Senator Al & Ms. Size 42DD (215)
� Now playing on Spring Garden: Sir Laurence O’Greenspan
in Much Ado About Nothing One Million Dollars Please (219)
� Ex-nun in hot pursuit of Port Hawkesbury barrister...(225)
14 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
� MLA’s son in midnight cape r... Is that a salami in your pocket
or are you just happy to see an RCMP officer? (225)
� It’s finally over between Cathy Jones and me...
Buxom Buddhist bags bridegroom (229)
� The day the women’s jail warden had her dog shot (230)
� Drunken, amorous psych prof’s victim admits: “I still love him!” (231)
� Dal donates $100,000-plus a year to the Dale Godsoe fund (231)
� Pat Pottie, quintessential sleaze (235)
� Joe works tax debt off at $5.35 an hour (237)
����� (239)
� Why the graduate should stick with Mrs. Robinson (242)
� Smell of decaying flesh pervades Sackville Street (242)
� Glace Bay dogcatcher put down! (243)
� Mrs. Mannslaughter mugged in Cuba! (243)
� Alexa feels old age creeping over her (244)
� Are Cape Bretoners stupid enough
to fall for Vince Maclean again? (244)
� Arrogant young man escapes punitive damages (247)
� Debert alert! (250)
� Aggrieved Dartmouth wife complains to Judicial Council:
When the other woman is a judge (257)
� SPCA gassed three staffers (263)
� Randy Butterball: The stupidest man in politics (266)
� NSGEU weasels talk poor and spend big (267)
� Frank’s 1997 couple of the year flames out:
The 90-day marriage! (270)
� Joe Shannon: The millionaire who once drew pogey (280)
� South End beauty kidnapped, brainwashed & forced
into marriage by the socialist hordes... (284)
� Joel is tickled pink with himself (289)
� After years of living in socialist splitsville, is...
Wedded sex coming for Alexa? (290)
� Mighty Mildred’s Mysterious Meltdown (292)
� Did cheeky MP Peter bare all? (313)
� Absentee Mum of the Millennium:
Anne, where were you when she needed you? (315)
� The Blair Witch-hunt project (326)
� Schooner him than me? (327)
� Nancy Regan moves to North West Arm...
Bingo caller one step closer to Spryfield (328)
� Capers’ favourite talking head is definitely a dead parrot (331)
� The Murphys move the couch (336)
� Lesbian lover accused in fiery slaying of Nova Scotia woman (339)
� From here to eternity: the wait for a cab ride in Halifax (341)
� Rowe, Rowe, Rowe your boatload of cash (344)
� Hank Snow, Daddy
Dearest? (359) �����
� 911 call brings
cops to Justice
(344)
Minister’s cabin
(360)
� Bishop Colin appointed
Frankland circulation manager!
(369)
� Mary Clancy’s horny hound!
(369)

FRANK’S SPECTACULAR 600TH ISSUE RETROSPECTIVAPALOOZA
� Senors & Insensibility (374)
� Of bra straps, cleavage & belly buttons (374)
� Q.C. anxiety (Or, how I learned to stop
worrying and love the list) (375)
� Vice-regal gag bid! (377)
� ‘He abused me too’ suicide victim’s
relative says (378)
� ‘Top 40 under 40’...& outta a job! (379)
� Brooklyn’s pussy palace a real cat house! (380)
� War of the Rosaries (381)
� Throwing out the baby hospital flack
with the bathwater (381)
� Firemen size up each other’s hoses
in poolside ruckus (382)
� Killer Kelvin clutches Clarence’s
precious organ (382)
� Chester’s latest summer celeb saw
at least one U.S. prez naked (387)
� Village of the damned unfair
paycheques (389)
� Oh, Nancy, Why, Oh, Why? (391)
� Unmasked! The secrets of Frank’s
first 15 years! (393)
� Loose lips sink leaderships (396)
� Jet-ski hit-and-run: Margaret Fountain
on the mend (397)
� N.S. Strangler is millionaire’s son (405)
� South End blaze: Was it murder? (408)
� Marilla goes bezerk! (420)
� A week with no library? How Dewey do it? (421)
� Soccer whiz Rocco whips out secret weapon (435)
� Curtolamania hits Liverpool (438)
� Oom-pa-pa brouhaha (439)
� How shocked is my Valley (454)
� ‘Someone is going to shoot Harold Petrie...’ (457)
� Is Rita just too big for the Savoy? (465)
� Doc charged with assaulting wife — with a Buick! (472)
� Fighting! Flooding! Feces! Condo deal from Hell (483)
� Vasectomy recipient cries wee, wee, wee
all the way to the courthouse (483)
� Cops gets three lap dances in one night! (487)
� Missing woman’s husband asks court for death sentence (491)
� Fur flies following catastrophic kitty killings! (492)
� ‘I am not a teenage dirtbag’ (499)
�����
I went to the Great
Hereafter & all I got
was this stupid
headline... (414)
� This 22 minutes has an hour-long tantrum (502)
� When the bus driver gives a school girl a scented teddy (505)
� Sex, thighs & videotape: Nude neighbour trampoline shocker (519)
� Juno fans want to know: Is Ellen gay? (526)
� Whose afraid of Frances DeWolfe Wolfe? (526)
� The last paper cut is the deepest (527)
� The N.S. Muppets take Manhattan (528)
� Bob’s $360,000 lawn ornament (536)
� The Dumbocracy 250 dog & pony show (537)
� The apple of his mom’s obit (540)
� Welcome to Canada’s immigrant-fleecing playground! (544)
� Are the elks running wild in Cape Breton? (544)
� Rosamond’s cuckoo (554)
� Double trouble: N.S. bigamy horror! Two wives! Huge lies! (555)
� Nancy bombs in Israel! (561)
����� Mary,
Mary,
Quite
Literary...
(447)
DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 15

OLD GUARD GONE
FROM YOUNG
BY DAN WALSH
I AM SAD TO REPORT, IT IS THE END OF
ANOTHER ERA ON HALIFAX’S SIGNATURE
STREET, YOUNG AVENUE.
In recent weeks, I’m told, grand old dame Eve
Wickwire has departed her longtime residence,
a couple doors down from Olands Castle, to
enter into a nursing home.
Eve is the widow of the legendary lawyer
F.B. “Ted” Wickwire, founding partner of what
is now Wickwire Holm. Ted, for whom the
Dalhousie Tigers football field is named, was
a shocking 52 when he died of cancer in 1991.
Previously married to Ted’s good friend and
Tory bagman Stu McInnes, with whom she
had two children, Eve was a charter member
of the South End establishment, and counted
among her best friends Bruce Oland’s twin
sister Amadita Stanbury, who died in August
2003.
Amadita also lived on Young Avenue directly
across from Eve, in a glorious old mansion torn
down by Navid Saberi in July 2007, to make
way for a row of his ugly and vile suburban
McMansions (Frank 567).
Earlier this year, Eve’s mother Jacqueline
Marie Smith (nee Dumaresq) died in
Northwood at 100. Jacque was the widow of
Lt. Col. Gordon Carrington Smith, who was
the senior surviving army officer aboard the
WHICH OF THESE THINGS
IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS?
BY NEAL OZANO
IN A NEIGHBOURHOOD OF CIRCA
$220,000 HOUSES, THE PRICE TAG ON ONE
PILE IS A STUNNING $690,000.
Susan Fitzgerald, project architect and interior
designer on the Fowler Bauld & Mitchell
Ltd. downtown library team, and who is designing
the new academic building on the
Dalhousie campus, designed the oddball commercial/residential
three-level split at 2663 Fuller
Terrace.
Sue and husband Brainard Fitzgerald declined
to comment.
“I’d just much rather not appear on the pages
of Frank Magazine,” said Fitzgerald (Oh,
sorry...), the head (oddly enough) of Brainard
Fitzgerald Developments.
16 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
S.S. Nerissa, torpedoed by a German sub on
April 30, 1941, killing 206 of the 290 men aboard.
After his army retirement, Gordon joined the
architectural firm, Dumaresqu & Bryne.
I understand Ted’s sister, Jillian Pullen (who
is married to Hugh Pullen, of the distinguished
naval Pullens) hosted a number of private
The 1,750 square foot abode, featuring
clean, angular lines, lots of windows, and a
large garage/workshop, was cobbled into a
neighbourhood of 100-year-old foursquare and
two-storey shingle houses over the last year
by Brainard’s noisy work crew.
The building is basically three boxes: a glass
one on the bottom, a larger, grey one in the
middle, and a black one with a wraparound balcony
that surrounds most of the third floor, and
was built on a lot listed at $129,000 with
Harbourside Realty in early 2009.
The odd-shaped, but not aesthetically
unpleasing, box-set is not unlike the couple’s
home on Elm Street in West End Halifax, and
shares traits with all Sue’s other designs, like
sharp lines, boxy rooms, big windows, and flat
roofs. Those probably aren’t technical terms.
The Wickwire
house.
showings of Eve’s abode, to interested professionals.
Jillian, who lives with Hugh on Oakland Avenue,
has now turned the house keys over to
Domus Realty broker Sandy Rutledge.
Sandy is listing Eve’s house, 950 Young
Ave., at $995,000. As I say, the end of an era.
The Fuller Terrace
box set.

HOW DO I LOVE THEE?
LET ME COUNT THE WAYS...
PAUL THANKS
GOD FOR
SIDNEY CROSBY
BY ANDREW DOUGLAS
CTV SPORTS REPORTER/TALKING HEAD PAUL HOLLINGSWORTH
TELLS US, NEAR THE BEGINNING OF HIS NEWLY PUBLISHED SIDNEY
CROSBY OPUS, THAT HE VERY NEARLY CALLED THE BOOK THE
EXTRAORDINARY LIFE OF SIDNEY CROSBY.
“He’s that compelling a person,” Paul gushes.
Within the 84-page tome, released earlier this fall, Paul spends a lot of
time telling us how great Sidney Crosby is. In the four-page introduction
alone, Paul uses the word “special” to describe Sidney not fewer than
seven times.
“A special person does special things... (he’s) special in life and special
in hockey,” the weekend anchorman
raves.
Sidney’s a “priceless gem.” He represents
“an awesome blend of goodness”
(Not unlike the West Coast
Roast from President’s Choice —
ed.).
Paul also, quite helpfully I might add,
provides us with a quick list of who
we can thank for the Cole Harbour
native’s “perfect mix” of talent, drive,
poise and grace:
“One can thank God for most of
those qualities ... his parents for the
rest, and thank Sidney Crosby himself
if one ever has the opportunity
Paul Hollingsworth
to do so.”
Paul himself admits, in his acknowl-
edgements, that he has often been accused of having a “propensity for
hyperbole.” Fine.
But when you begin by requesting of your readers that, if they are ever
lucky enough to be within thanking distance, that they should thank your
subject for the simple act of existing, I think we may have surpassed a
simple “propensity for hyperbole.” In fact, if Paul had put ink to parchment
with these musings in the Old Testament times, the poor fellow might
well have found himself buried up to his waist in sand with rocks hurtling
toward his considerable jughead for breaking the First Commandment.
Y’know, the one about there being only one, true God, one who,
unfortunately, doesn’t have a lucrative contract with Reebok.
� � �
Sidney Crosby: The Story Of A Champion is brought to you by the
good folks at Nimbus, the publishing house responsible for such literary
gems as Live At Five: The Story Behind Its Success, Gracie, the
“(Sidney) represents an
awesome blend of goodness.”
Public Gardens Duck and Understanding Boat AC Power Systems,
to name but a few. Launched at the N.S. Sport Hall of Fame early
last month, Paul’s scribblings manage to capture the sweetness of Live
At Five, the narrative complexity of Gracie and the character development
of any good nautical instruction manual.
The book is divided into eight chapters. Each of them focus on another
year out of the 23-year-old’s life, with the exception of Chapter One:
The Early Years, which manages to cover Sid the Kid’s first 15 years
in nine pages, with several pictures and a few tangential sidebars.
Paul manages this extraordinary feat by approaching his subject with
a level of intellectual curiosity most often reserved for high school term
papers. Instead of doing a little legwork, working his connections and
shaking some trees for original content, Paul is generally happy, with few
exceptions, to heat up old leftovers.
In the first chapter alone, the author mines an old Sports Illustrated
piece for insight from Sidney’s mother Trina and childhood friend Mike
Chiasson, quotes large swaths from another SI feature, grabs soundbites
from Sid’s first coach, Paul Gallagher, courtesy of the Edmonton Sun,
and looks to a write-up in ESPN: The Magazine for input from Sidney
himself.
“I don’t pretend to be Crosby’s great friend or close confidante,” admits
Paul from the outset. However, because he shares a home province with
the Kid, Paul senses that Sidney “has at times offered me a little more
texture in his interviews and a tad more access.”
If this truly were the case, one would think Paul would have gone to the
phenom himself to add some “texture” to his book. Sadly, no. In Chapter
Seven, which chronicles Sid’s Olympic triumph, our humble author utilizes
a press release to convey Number 87’s thoughts on hoisting the
torch in Halifax:
CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE
DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 17

THANK GOD FOR SIDNEY,
FROM PREVIOUS PAGE
“I am honoured and thrilled to have the opportunity
to carry the Olympic flame in my home
province of Nova Scotia,” reads the passage.
“The torch relay will pass through so many
communities and hands on the way to Vancouver
and I’m privileged to be part of that special
group as the Olympic Flame makes its
way to Vancouver for the 2010 Winter
Games”. Scintillating stuff, that.
For rare insight into how Sidney’s series-winning
golden goal may have changed him, we go
to an SI interview with Sid’s Penguins
teammate Bill Guerin. The chapter ends with
thoughts from a dude who went to school in the
same building as Sid 15 years ago:
“It was an intense moment realizing that
Sidney Crosby, who went to the same elementary
school that I did, scored the winning goal
for Canada. It was amazing.” No quote in the
book sums it up better: like Linda Kelly watching
Ellen Page walk down the Oscar red carpet
from the living room of Halifax expats in
Hollywood (Frank 526), we’re on the outside
looking in.
Barring the availability of Sidney himself, his
parents, Troy and Trina, would almost certainly
have given Paul a few hours of their time. Hell,
Paul and wiferoo Tamara’s $250,700-assessed
Lynby Avenue, Dartmouth abode is
all of seven kilometres away from the Crosby’s
modest Hannebury Drive, Cole Harbour bungalow,
and just 10 Ks removed from the mortgage-free
Lochaber Courtt, Westphal pal-
18 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
Describing Sidney’s skills on the ice
as a young boy, sez Paul, is like...
“
Explaining the
beauty of a sunset or
why ... Beethoven’s
Symphony No. 5
represent(s) the best
musical composition in
history.”
ace (2010 assessment $539,400) they picked
up last year. Were they even asked to participate?
The tome is at its best when Paul is mining the
few interviews he seems to have conducted
exclusively for the book. We hear from Hockey
Nova Scotia executive director Darren Cossar
and a few others, but even these tidbits fail to
offer up anything that hasn’t been said elsewhere.
Even within the framework of “So-and-so told
somebody else something...” the author fails to
dig up any interesting quotes.
Ever wonder what it was like for Sid to live
with Super Mario at his Pittsburgh mansion?
“(Lemieux)’s got a great family,” Sid the Tim
Horton’s spokesthingy confided to someone a
few years back.
“It’s a good environment for me to be in. I’m
just trying to learn as much as I can.”
There’s an entire page devoted to the fact
that Sidney donated $20,000 to the Cole Harbour
Bel Ayr Minor Hockey Association
after winning the Lester B. Pearson Award
at the NHL’s summer awards banquet in 2007.
The money, we are told, comes with the trophy,
and it is earmarked for charitable donation.
Sidney Crosby goes above and beyond for
charity, anybody even tangentially associated
with hockey knows that. Why devote a whole
page praising him for forking over money that
wasn’t his to keep in the first place?
I’m reminded of a story which has Sidney visiting
a dying kid at the children’s hospital in
Montreal awhile back. I’m not talking about one
of those photo-ops with a hug and an autograph,
but a meaningful visit. On a game day, he
headed over to the hospital right from the morning
skate and spent several hours with the little
guy. They talked, watched tv, and hung out. Sid
missed the team meal, ate hospital food with his
new pal, not turning up at the rink until 90 minutes
before the puck dropped. Unfortunately,
you won’t find a story like that between the
covers of this book.
Sidney Crosby: The Story of a Champion is a
thin gruel sandwiched between an introduction
and conclusion written in effusive prose of the
sort usually seen in 1980s-era Tiger Beat magazine
profiles of Kirk Cameron and Corey
Feldman (He’s soooo dreamy — ed.).
CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE

PUFFERY
PAYDAY
NIMBUS PUBLISHING MARKETING
GURU DIANE FAULKNER TELLS ME
THAT THE INITIAL PRINT RUN FOR
SIDNEY CROSBY: THE STORY OF
A CHAMPION, WAS 5,000 COPIES,
WITH ANOTHER 5,000 ON THE WAY.
“Many stores are now out of stock
and eagerly awaiting the reprint
which is scheduled to arrive from the
printer tomorrow (Dec. 4),” says
Diane via email.
If CTV weekend anchorthingy/
sports dude Paul Hollingsworth
negotiated the standard royalty deal
with Nimbus, 10 per cent of the
$17.95 cover price, he’d be in line for
a cheque for $18,000 if the second
print run sells out. That’s in addition
to whatever payment Paul received
upon delivery of the book, which
sources estimate would be anywhere
from $2,000 to $5,000.
Not bad for a feature-length puff
piece.
Diane says Paul was an “obvious
choice” for the book, considering he
had already co-authored Sidney
Crosby: A Hockey Story with Paul
Arsenault.
“We took the idea to him and he ran
with it,” says Diane.
andrew@atlanticfrank.ca
THANK GOD FOR SIDNEY,
FROM PREVIOUS PAGE
If you happen to be a teenaged girl
I suppose snippets like, “Describing
how good a hockey player Sidney
Crosby was as a boy is ... like explaining
the beauty of a sunset,” might
be right up your alley.
Who else is the book meant for? I
dunno. I suppose the Live at Five
bingo-brain crowd is driving heavy
pre-Christmas sales (see accompanying
piece), but I fear even they
might find the volume a bit too
milquetoast for their liking.
I know one thing. If you already
know that Sidney Crosby is an athlete
with a rare combination of natural
talent and drive who gives
soundbites suggesting a maturity
beyond his years, you can move
along. There’s nothing new to see
here.
A KICK IN THE PANTS
FROM JANE KANS-ASS
BY NEAL OZANO
I THINK THE VIGNETTE THAT WOKE ME UP
FROM MY INVOLUNTARY REVERIE WAS THE ONE
ABOUT A SECOND WORLD WAR VETERAN WHO
WAS USING AN UNSPENT ARTILLERY SHELL TO
PUSH HIS PROTRUDING HAEMORRHOIDS BACK
INTO HIS ANUS WHEN THE ANCIENT ORDINANCE
ACCIDENTALLY GOT STUCK INSIDE.
This is pretty much where Jane Kansas’s The
Asshole Monologues started for me. Sure, there
was the tale of the gay man who’d had four married
man-friends ask him to take their anal virginity (brilliantly
and unnervingly described by actor Mike
McLeod). Or the story of the woman (played by
actress Vanessa Walton-Bone) who had a massive
dildo named Big Tex that she loved using. And
who could forget the monologue by the male nurse
(by local actor Hugo Dann), who’d heard a million
excuses from men with foreign objects stuck up their
asses (that shampoo bottle got stuck up there when
I fell on it). But it was the description of the bomb
squad cordoning off the entire hospital wing to extract
the war relic from the war relic that woke me up
on opening night Dec. 1.
Freelancer-cum-playwright Kansas trotted out a
corny mix of gross and gentle ass-based monologues
she’d collected on a cross-country blogging trip to
the crowd at Plutonium Playhouse on Hunter
Street. Here at Frank, we thought we smelled something
when someone jammed a pamphlet for Plutonium’s
Sex Festival into an envelope after highlighting
words like “anal sex,” and “colenoscoples,” and then
underlining, “By Jane Kansas.” Roughly below they
wrote: “How the mighty have fallen.”
Not quite sure where he thought Kansas was before,
but this play isn’t something to be ashamed of.
This was a play for people willing to laugh (and
they did, a lot) at an hour of potty jokes and gay
escapades, smart tales of sexual escapades and
sloppy seconds. But it also had sections of loneliness,
described by Dann, who told a story of an
aging gay man who was afraid he’d never be touched
again, and Walton-Bone, who repeated the cautionary
tale of a woman who learned to love colonoscopy
after her never-tested sister died of colon cancer.
There wasn’t a star-studded crowd (surprisingly,
though, it was mostly women), but Halifax theatre
staple Stewart Legere and his spouse stylist Jamie
Stevens guffawed in the right spots, as did Coast
Everything Editor Sue Carter Flinn and her husband,
Sean Flinn.
Director Tom Fitzgerald, who runs Plutonium Play-
Jane Kansas
house, says “everyone’s relationship with their
asshole is different.”
I couldn’t tell you if that was true, but during the
post-play banquet of powdered donuts, rosebuds,
chocolate lady fingers, lumpy chocolate macaroons,
and other ass-themed snacks, served by a dominatrix
in assless chaps, I had a eureka moment: this was
about the ass. I get it now.
neal@atlanticfrank.ca
DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 19

Bill
Mont
PSST! WANNA MAKE A GOOD INVESTMENT?
I’M BULLISH ON TELEMARKETING COMPANIES...
BY DAN WALSH
IT WOULD BE EASIER TO BREAK INTO
FORT KNOX THAN GET OMNIPOTENT IN-
VESTMENT GURU GORDON STIRRETT TO
REVEAL HIS FIRM’S ANNUAL MARKETING
BUDGET.
Gordon’s instantly recognizable mug is plastered
over billboards, websites, in fish wrappers,
and on the boob tube. His company,
Gordon Stirrett & Associates, pollutes our
radio airwaves with its ads and even hires
telemarketers to make cold-calls and interrupt
our supper.
While he won’t divulge any numbers, Gordon,
whose firm is the country’s top-selling Manulife
20 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
dealer, does acknowledge that his company
annually spends more on advertising than philanthropy.
Last year the investment dealer donated
$100,000 to the Halifax Grammar School, to
fund student-driven community charities, and
gave $100,000 to the Sally Ann the year before.
This year, it’s United Way.
Gordon, who tells me he’s a small fish in a big
pond, competing with the Royal Banks and
Toronto Dominions of the world, says, “I’m
always open to a new advertising idea.”
Don’t be surprised if you wake up Christmas
morning to find Gordon Stirrett Stanfields or
a tin of Gordon Stirrett sardines in your stocking.
dan@atlanticfrank.ca
BILL MONT
HAS A NEW
ADDRESS
BY DAN WALSH
FLEA MARKET CZAR BILL MONT HAS MOVED INTO
NORTHWOOD.
I’m pleased to report that the 81 year old, larger-thanlife
bizman is alive and kicking, after undergoing a prostate
operation on Nov. 2.
Bill’s recovery time is expected to last at least six
weeks, but that won’t stop the famed wheeler-dealer
from regular appearances at Northwood’s Wednesday
night dances, and I would not surprised to see Bill twirling
the ladies around on the dance floor.
Over the years Bill has volunteered countless hours at
Northwood, so no doubt he already feels right at home.
I understand the legendary pack-rat plans to finally finish
his memoirs, which he has titled From a shack to a
castle.
Though it is catchy, it’s a bit of a misleading title, if you
ask me. Bill has actually owned two castles - one in
Wicklow, Ireland, and the former Olands Castle on
Young Avenue - plus he’s owned an island, a cemetery,
a beauty pageant, an animal shelter, a ferry turned
floating restaurant, a high school ... man, the list is endless!
Gordon
Stirrett

THE NOVA
SCOTIA
WAY OF LIFE
BY DAN WALSH
JIM EISENHAUER, THE NEW NOVA SCOTIA
BUSINESS INC. CHAIR, DECLARED A
CONFLICT OF INTEREST WHEN NSBI
HANDED HIS COMPANY A $165,525 PAYROLL
REBATE IN NOVEMBER 2009, ACCORDING
TO SPOKESTHINGY SARAH LEVY.
Sarah says then-NSBI vice-chair Jim, the prezceo
of ABCO Industries,
“would not have
been involved in the negotiations”
for the rebate,
which helped Jim’s
venerable Lunenburg
biz retain its existing
workforce as it modernized
equipment.
In Sarah’s words, the
payroll rebate was not
earmarked for new job
creation but was “tied
Jim Eisenhauer
to productivity enhancement...
and off-
sets the cost of buying new equipment.”
Besides NSBI largesse, ABCO has also received
much lovin’ from its Moncton sugar
daddy, the federal money-chuckers at Atlantic
Canada Opportunities Agency, to the tune
of $1,126,060.
In the past decade, ACOA handed Jim’s firm
six separate loans, with all but $100,000 repayable.
Jim is also a director for Lunenburg defence
and aerospace industrialists Composites Atlantic,
which has bagged over $14.7 million
in loans since 1996 from ACOA ($5.8 million)
and the province’s Economic Development
Office ($8.9 million.)
South Shore tycoon Jim, who lives in Second
Peninsula on a seven-acre estate ($1.24
million assessment) with wiferoo Heather,
also owns the companies West Nova Fuels,
Superline Fuels and Nova Wood Products,
which has in the past received $315,000 in
ACOA loans.
Jim — whose father, Andrew Eisenhauer
died on Oct. 28 at 87 (Andrew co-founded
ABCO, the Atlantic Bridge Company, when
he was 24) — is also a director of blackout
specialist, Nova Scotia Power.
Having collected so many taxpayer-funded
loans over his illustrious career, I’m supremely
confident Jim will perform his NSBI duties with
great diligence and skill.
dan@atlanticfrank.ca
THE NIGHTS THE LIGHTS WENT OUT...
BY DAN WALSH
NOVA SCOTIA POWER SPOKESTHINGY
PATTY FAITH REFUSES TO TELL ME HOW
MUCH NSP BOARD MEMBERS ARE PAID, SO
I GUESS I’M FORCED TO REPORT ON
OUTAGES INSTEAD.
Basically, if you don’t lose your power by the
time you finish reading this article, it will be a
miracle.
In the two weeks, between Nov. 17 and
Dec.1, 59 separate power outages struck
across the province, affecting 18,633 houses
and business.
But in the two weeks before that — from
Nov. 1 to Nov. 16 - darkness reigned over the
land like the prelude to an apocalypse.
I counted 204 separate outages (I lost track
after 204, likely there were a dozen others)
that affected exactly 86,991 households and
businesses.
That means in November a mind-blowing
105,624 customers were without power at
some point, nearly 25 per cent of NSP’s entire
customer base.
Seemingly unable to cope with the province’s
growing epidemic of rogue raccoons, salty fog
and pesky gay pride flags and streamers, all
those unnatural occurrences that cause our
frequent blackouts, NSP has once again gone
to its masters at the Utility & Review Board to
demand another rate hike.
They should really install a bloody revolving
door at the URB, expressly for Chris Huskilson
and Rob Bennett’s use. Cap-in-hand, NSP now
wants to gouge us with another 7.5% residential
hike, the sixth rate increase in the past nine
years.
And who, pray tell, is the greedy cabal overseeing
NSPI’s increasingly substandard service?
They are: Jim Eisenhauer (ABCO, NSBI);
Lee Bragg (Eastlink); Elaine Sibson (Worker’s
Compensation Board czarina); George
Caines (NSP chair, Stewart McKelvey partner);
Wes Armour (Armour Transportation
prez, chair of the Atlantic Gateway Advisory
Council); John McLennan (ex-Allstream
ceo); Irene D’Entremont (M.I.T. Electronics
prez); Marie Rounding (corporate lawyer
at Gowlings in TO); Rob Bennett (NSP prez)
and Chris Huskilson (Emera ceo).
As for NSP boardie remuneration, “The only
publicly available information that I am aware of
is for the Chair, as part of Emera’s disclosure
requirements,” sez a curt Patty, not even bothering
to supply the figure.
In 2008, the NSP chair was paid $110,000per;
it has undoubtedly risen since then. If you’re
wondering, Emera directors pocket a $35,000
annual retainer, but most easily double that figure,
on fees handed out as liberally as the proverbial
drunken sailor.
DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 21

WHO’S THE
BOSS AT THE
STRAIT SB?
BY DAN WALSH
THE STRAIT REGIONAL SCHOOL BOARD
IS DOING A BANG-UP JOB TEACHING PAR-
ENTS DICTATORSHIP 101.
The latest board slap-down comes courtesy
(what strange word to use, talking about the
Strait board) of the usual suspects: Jack
Beaton, Mary-Jess MacDonald and George
Kehoe, the board superintendent, chair and
vice-chair, respectively.
As reported elsewhere, Furious George interrupted
St. FX biz prof Randy Delorey’s Nov.
30 presentation into the board’s mishandling of
its school closing process.
But one parent who witnessed George’s policeman
act tells me that it was sparked when
Jack leaned into Mary Jess, who relayed a cue
to George, who then mumbled to her, “I know,”
and announced aloud, “Time’s up.”
“You had an unelected official telling elected
board members what to do,” my source gripes.
Two other sources, employing the same
phrase, describe Jack as “turning every colour
in the rainbow” during Randy’s presentation. I’m
not sure if the talk Randy delivered is identical to
the info found on savecommunity
schools.ca, but that site will give you an excellent
lesson in the dysfunctional Strait board.
As reported elsewhere, after George laid
down the law, boardie Frank MacNik rose and
requested a vote, to give Randy the chance to
finish his presentation. He only had a minute or
two left in it.
Only Kim Horton and Richelle MacLaughlin
sided with Frank.
Mary-Jess, Jason Bernard, Francine
Boudreau, Gerald “Gabby” MacDonald,
Brian Murray, Rosalee Parker and Clarence
Reddick all voted no. (I presume vice-chair
George, who was chairing the Committee Of
The Whole confab, did not vote. Boardie Anne
Peters was absent.)
The Strait shennanigans nearly beggar belief.
Earlier this year George acted like an immature
six year old, and stuck his tongue out at the
public (Frank 581).
Also at a 2010 public meeting, Jack came
across like a bully when he hinted that he will
sue parents who criticise him (Frank 585).
Did I mention, as soon the board voted to ignore
the rest of Randy’s presentation, all the
parents packed up and left these losers to themselves?
If the Strait board and staff weren’t in the business
of public service, it would all be quite laughable.
22 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
HOT FOR LINDA AT CITY HALL
BY DAN WALSH
LINDA MOSHER’S CRUSADE AGAINST
CITY HALL NEPOTISM HAS APPARENTLY
STRUCK A NERVE WITH SENIOR STAFFERS.
I’m hearing HRM bigwigs have met the veteran
councillor’s claims of nepotism, in-house
equipment theft and favouritism in doling out
overtime, with considerable disdain.
The unelected ruling classes have wasted
no time giving Linda grief over her Nov. 24 published
comments, according to a source, an
BY DAN WALSH
DEVELOPER WADIH FARES HAS THE GO-
AHEAD FROM PENNISULA COMMUNITY
COUNCIL TO TURN THE LONG-NEGLECTED
VICTORIAN LAWN OF 5757 INGLIS INTO A
POST-VICTORIAN PARKING LOT.
HRM planner MacKenzie Stonehocker
(Great handle! — ed.) tells me no one appealed
the Nov. 8 thumbs-up from councillors Sue
Uteck, Jerry Blumenthal, Dawn Sloane, and
Jenny Watts, during the mandatory two-week
waiting period.
Pending the formality of signed paperwork,
Fares is now able to proceed with his visionary
scheme to add nine units onto the four-unit
apartment building, to create Halifax’s newest
student ghetto just blocks away from the
Trillium, his rising luxury erection on South
Park Street and Brenton.
The Fares scheme calls for two huge additions
to pop up like giant carbuncles on either
side of the heritage house, an idea opposed by
most of the speakers at a November 2009
account I was unable to confirm with the
Purcell’s Cove-Armdale councillor before
deadline.
Her solution, to increase the resources available
to HRM’s Auditor General Larry Munroe,
seems to me emminently sensible.
While he doesn’t go so far as to compare the
one-time Tory candidate with working class
hero Eva Peron, one longtime HRM toiler tells
me a lot of HRM’s rank and file agree with Linda,
and he adds, “HRM is a poisoned workplace.
They need to clean house.”
... AND ON YOUR LEFT, A LOVELY
VICTORIAN, UM, PARKING LOT
GOING TO THE HOSPITAL SUCKS, BUT THANKS
TO AN INNOVATIVE NEW CHANGE AT THE VICTO-
RIA GENERAL, IT’LL BE EVEN WORSE.
Construction workers fenced off 85 prime
parking spots Dec. 3 to make space to expand
the Nova Scotia Cancer Centre in the Dixon
Building. One patient says it’s going to have
her endlessly circling for the next year.
“I’m already stressed beyond belief after driving
around for 20-25 minutes to find a parking
spot,” the woman, who drives in from out of
town once a week, and pays up to $12 for a
public hearing into the development.
Nowhere in Stonehocker’s six-page report
did it note that the home — councillor Sue’s favourite
in the city — is known as the Almon
House, and was built a mere eight years after
Confederation.
The Almon House is part of a nine-home,
registered heritage streetscape, with each property
built between 1875 and 1910 in the Queen
Anne Revival style.
But there’s a wider significance, also omitted
from the staff report. There are very few intact
Victorian streetscapes left in North America.
And soon there will be one less. Oh well, I guess
that’s all anicent history now.
Call me stupid (U R stupid. — ed.), but, er, I
don’t think they had asphalt parking lots for cars
in Victorian times. Maybe Wadih Fares, who is
older than I and much smarter, knows something
I don’t.
As noted in Frank 574, DTZ Barnicke guru
Tim Margolian and Fares are the listed directors
of 3216761 NS Ltd., the firm behind the
new student ghetto.
SPEAKING OF PARKING...
three-hour visit, says.
“There’s no parking close enough for the patients
who go there,” she says. Many, she adds,
are “limping or struggling.”
Staff are being offered alternate parking half
a kilometer away under Fenwick Tower for
$85 a month, says a Capital Health
spokesthingy, to free up spaces for residents.
A more frank gentleman in the parking department,
who didn’t want to be named, says he
doesn’t know why a parkade was never built,
and that he knows of no plans for one.

WOULD A 25% CUT TO JUNKET BUDGETS
MEAN KEN DROPS INTO THE PACIFIC?
BY DAN WALSH
I GUESS I’LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE WIKILEAKS REVELATION
TO FIND OUT WHY N.S. SCHOOL BOARDS ASS. BIGWIG KEN
MEECH EMBARKED ON AN OFFICIAL NSSBA JUNKET TO
CHINA.
One source tells me Ken’s Sino-sojourn was part of an educational
exchange, and the Hu Jinato government picked up the tab. I’m told the
cost to the N.S. taxpayer was in the $2,000 range, which I agree is a
small price to pay for shipping Ken to the other side of the globe.
How much, I wonder, would the Chinese need to take Ken off our
hands completely? $2,500 and a bottle of maple syrup? Done!
NSSBA spokesthingy Meghan Kelly did not return my message.
For those in need of a quick primer, the NSSBA annually diverts nearly
$500,000 away from cash-strapped classrooms, in the form of dues
levied on the individual school boards. In polite society, this fee is called
“membership dues.”
The NSSBA pays out over $350,000 in salaries to its six employees,
which averages out to nearly 60K apiece. To the average joe, this is
known as “a cushy job.”
When asked what the NSSBA actually does, one school board member
tells me “Nothing,” and refers to it as a make-work project for aging
bureaucrats. Of course, his vocabulary is somewhat more colourful.
dan@atlanticfrank.ca
JASON
MACCULLOUGH
Murdered: August
28, 1999
(19 years old)
AS OF
December 3, 2010...
4
1 1 5
DAYS
WITHOUT AN
ARREST
David B.
Smith
Confucius say children need
their school boards.
Come blow your
vuvuzela!
MISSING PERSONS
AT NSCAD
Ken
Meech
BY DAN WALSH
I AM BEGINNING TO FEAR FOR THE SAFETY AND
WELL-BEING OF NSCAD’S COMMUNICATIONS TEAM,
ELIZABETH MACDONALD AND LINDA HUTCHISON.
The pair have not returned my messages in weeks, yet
there is no indication from their office voice-mails that anything
is amiss.
Naturally, I fear for them: an abduction, a hostage-taking,
or worse, a board meeting where Rick Emberley just
won’t shut up.
I am also terribly concerned for the welfare of NSCAD
prezzie David B. Smith, who is now in South Africa on
his safari, er, sabbatical, presumably accompanied by his
hand-picked student, on his or her all-expense paid semester
in Cape Town, courtesy of a mysterious benefactor,
to help president David’s research (Frank 598).
Also, I confess, NSCAD’s financial health and stability is
adding worry-lines to my brow. I stay awake at night, counting
the dollars in NSCAD’s long-term debt!
Incidentally, what is it about university presidents and
foreign countries nowadays? Both Dal prez Tom Traves
and SMU prez Colin Dodds recently returned from a mass
junket to India. What the heck is wrong with staying home
and fixing the many problems on their own campuses?
dan@atlanticfrank.ca
DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 23

The Kelly cottage
(brown building
on the lef).
TRASH-TALKING
WITH MAYOR PETER
BY NEAL OZANO
HRM’S BELOVED MAYOR, KNOWN FOR PICKING UP TRASH ON
HIS LITTLE WALKS DURING THE DAY, SAYS HE WAS UNAWARE THERE
WAS A GROWING MOUND OF REFUSE AT THE FOOT OF HIS CABIN
DRIVEWAY IN TATAMAGOUCHE.
The growing dumpheap at the end of the driveway at hizzoner’s $88,800
waterfront palace (read: pile) at 525 Brule Point Rd. had been seriously
irking one of his neighbours.
“There’s just garbage upon garbage,” the man said.
“Someone’s been there since then, and the covers are all on the windows
and it’s been closed up, but it’s all still out there.”
He says the mess at the end of the lane includes water jugs, broken
garbage bags, fabric, and other miscellaneous crap.
He adds he hasn’t seen Mayor Peter Kelly there in years (Peter and
estranged wife Nancy bought the little seaside abode in 2005), and he
surmises that Peter might not even know about the situation.
“His kids come up and use it in the spring; they leave on a Sunday,
garbage is picked up on Tuesday, and animals get to it by then,” said Mr.
Clean.
24 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
“His kids know, obviously, because they left more garbage on top of the
garbage that was strewn all over the ground.”
My community-minded source also says Kelly’s garbage bin has been
smacked into the ditch, presumably by the kind and careful Colchester
County winter snowplow skedaddlers.
A gentle note to Mayor Pete regarding the mess was answered on a
Saturday with an equally cordial and positive tone.
“Your email was no bother at all, but appreciated. Was not aware of
situation, but as of early this morning all refuse and other roadside material
removed. Thank you for bringing the matter to my attention. Should you
hear of any other such outcomes I would once again welcome emails.
Once again, thank you.”
I’m not quite sure what he meant by “outcomes,” but really, if he could
hop to it on in-town issues the way he attacks garbage in a county two
hours away, we’d have a much better city. Just saying.
neal@atlanticfrank.ca

FRED’S
NOT JUST
BETTER...
HE’S
THE
BEST!
BY ANDREW DOUGLAS
FRED CONNORS IS ON THE “IT GETS
BETTER” BANDWAGON, AND THE RESULTING
11-1/2 MINUTE-LONG YOUTUBE VIDEO IS
ABOUT AS OVER-THE-TOP AS EVERYTHING
ELSE THE AGRICOLA STREET TEASE-AND-
COMB MAVEN TOUCHES.
It Gets Better, in case you haven’t heard, is a
viral video awareness campaign cooked up by
syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage with an
eye toward assuring gay teens that there is life
beyond the teasing and bullying of high school.
The recent suicides of two gay teens in the
U.S. kickstarted the movement, and notables
from Ellen DeGeneres to Barack Obama have
released their own videos. Obviously, ‘ol Freddy
can’t be left behind.
Fred Connors and Joel Flewelling: Our
Story features a dignified, minute-long statement
from Fred’s longtime partner, with the rest
of the video devoted to a monologue from Fred
himself which veers between tearful anger with
his childhood tormentors — some of whom he
calls out by name — and wildly self-aggrandizing
statements about what an amazing success
he turned into against all odds.
“I was the smallest, gayest and most obnoxious
kid in every school I went to,” Fred begins,
explaining he was beaten up severely and often,
at one point even hung from a tree by his
underwear.
To protect himself, he recalls befriending a
big dumb kid on the playground in Grade Four.
Every day he would turn his recess over to
George — who was a “sweetheart,” by the
way - and George would ensure that the bullies
wouldn’t touch him.
“Share your lunch with the biggest, dumbest
kid in school,” Fred advises all the gay kids out
there in Youtube land. (George, if you’re watching,
no offence dude — ed.).
Fred gets a little verklempt as Joel Flewelling looks on.
Sadly, Big Dumb George couldn’t be there
for Fred’s entire school career; Stephen Millen,
the biggest, toughest kid in Grade Seven, calls
him a faggot. In high school “jocks” would hang
around the lobby, and every day he would walk
into the school and they would spit in his ear.
“To this day, Barry Stone and Eric
Christensen are still losers, and I’m not,” he
gloats.
On the last day of school, he was beaten
severely after flipping the bird to another group
of kids for throwing slurs his way.
“I got beat up, and they will always be losers,”
he proclaims, adding, “The kids that torment
you will amount to nothing. And you will
one day amount to something really amazing.”
It’s at this point the waterworks start, and Fred
pauses to regain his composure.
“All I want for you to... realize is that you are
far more special and have much more amazing
opportunities in this life to be a shining star than
the kids that are tormenting and torturing you.”
Fred tells us that he and Joel have been an
item for 20 years, buried grandparents, stood
at weddings, christened nieces and nephews,
not to mention their “incredibly successful business.”
“I realize I am incredibly special,” he announces,
really getting into a self-congratulating
groove.
“We are respected in our community. We are
embraced by people around us. We are celebrated
by our friends and family. We are examples
of good role models in our community.”
(Except for that whole chicken thing — ed.)
It’s no wonder Fred appears on What Not to
Wear-esque television programs as a “self esteem
expert.” The man’s got scads of it to spare.
Fred apparently isn’t interested in discussing
his video with me; a pair of detailed messages I
left for the Bloomfield Street resident at his
salon were not returned before Frankland
Press Time.
Does
Frank
Know?
News Tips Hotline
1-888-
335-5505
www.atlanticfrank.ca
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Newsroom
420-1668
423-0281 (fax)
atlanticfrank@eastlink.ca
DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 25

JUST NOT SO STORIES
(YES, WE MAKE THEM UP)
FRANKILEAKS
Up until now, the reams of diplomatic cables released by Wikileaks have been
a little on the dry side.
Let’s face it, hearing that China once launched a cyber-attack on Google, or
seeing evidence that CSIS thinks Canada has an “Alice in Wonderland” attitude
on terrorism can’t be selling many newspapers. But this latest round of
intelligence, emanating from U.S. embassies around the world, changes everything.
FM AMEMBASSY OTTAWA
TO SECSTATE WASH DC IMMEDIATE
THURSDAY, 19 MAY 2005, 09:57
Subject: Future cabinet minister exhibits strange behaviour on farm
C O N F I D E N T I A L
You have to get a load of this Peter MacKay fellow.
If the Conservatives win the next election — which is becoming
more likely every day as the scandal-plagued Liberals continue to
flounder — this guy will be one of the most powerful figures in Stephen
Harper’s federal cabinet. Which is why the following episode is so
fascinating.
So Peter has a reputation as a bit of a player, and his relationship
with fellow opposition MP (like a congressman with less power) Belinda
Stronach, the daughter of auto parts tycoon Frank Stronach, has made
headlines up here. But then Belinda “crossed the floor” and joined the
Liberals in exchange for a cabinet post the other day, and they broke
up. What does Peter do? He calls a press conference at his dad’s
potato farm in Nova Scotia, and declares, in a mournful whisper, that
his heart has been “banged up” by the experience. This is a guy who
could be deputy prime minister (like vice-president, except with less
power) or defence minister in a few months. What the hell kind of
country is this? Can you picture Don Rumsfeld wearing rubber boots
on a farm, complaining about his broken heart? Does Rummy even
have a heart? Remind me to ask him next time I’m in Washington.
FM AMEMBASSY OTTAWA
TO SECSTATE WASH DC IMMEDIATE
WEDNESDAY, 25 JANUARY 2006, 08:59
Subject: Creepy new guy
C O N F I D E N T I A L
Finally, a right-wing government has risen to power in Canada.
Newly crowned Prime Minister Stephen Harper is on record three
years ago as saying Canada would be fighting right next to us in Iraq
had he been PM at the time. How great would that have been to rope
Canada into the coalition of the willing? I mean, sure, the Canadians
don’t have the military might of, say, Azerbaijan, but hey, ya gotta take
what you can get, am I right?
But there’s something a bit off about him. He shakes hands with his
son when he drops him off at school, for one. When he smiles it looks
a little wonky, like he’s an alien in a human body who knows how to
smile, but doesn’t grasp the concept of why one would want to. And
there’s something unsettling about his eyes. He’s got the peepers of a
Great White. There’s just nothing there but darkness. Dubya’s gonna
be a little freaked out, I think. We should tell prez not to look straight at
him, pretend there’s an eclipse in PM Steve’s face. Not allowed to look,
Dubya! Ya might burn your retinas! Dubya likes games like that, he’ll
think that’s fun.
26 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
FM AMEMBASSY OTTAWA
TO SECSTATE WASH DC IMMEDIATE
WEDNESDAY, 13 SEPTEMBER 2006, 12:10
Subject: Nice work, Madame Secretary
C O N F I D E N T I A L
The media ate it up, Madame Secretary. Hook, line and sinker.
Today’s sound bites were perfect. So laid back, saying you had a
“good laugh” over speculation that you and the Foreign Affairs
minister are enjoying, er, especially close diplomatic relations, shall
we say.
But I tell you, Condi, all that stuff about enjoying the “ocean
breezes” and everything yesterday, well, you just about spilled the
beans there. You sounded like, well Condi, I’ll just say it. You sounded
like a chick who just got laid. Anyway, nice save.
And we’ve stocked your ride home with extra Ofloxacin, Cefixine,
and Ceftriaxine. I’d advise you take it all.
FM AMEMBASSY KUALA LUMPUR
TO SECSTATE WASH DC IMMEDIATE
FRIDAY, 21 JULY 2006, 15:01
Subject: Pretend rich guy in town.
C O N F I D E N T I A L
So there’s a dude here, big guy with glasses,
staying at the nicest hotel in town, eating at all
the best restaurants, looks like he’s made of
money. He’s going around telling everyone that
he’s bringing some big athletic event to Halifax,
wherever that is. It’s a world class city, or so he says.
Anyway, people ask him, “Oh, you mean the Olympics?” and he gets
mad and corrects them, but I can’t remember what he says. Commonsomething
or other. Never heard of it, anyway. Oh, and it turns out he’s
not really rich after all, he’s just spending government money. I mean,
I guess he’s sorta rich. Somebody told me something about a pretty
sweet supplementary pension.
Nice work if you can get it, eh?

FM AMEMBASSY OTTAWA
TO SECSTATE WASH DC IMMEDIATE
THURSDAY, 10 MAY, 2007, 11:30
Subject: Now whose media sucks?
C O N F I D E N T I A L
These smug bastards are always criticizing our media. All those
complaints about media cheerleading and jingoism leading up to the
invasion of Iraq and such.
Well, the shoe’s on the other foot, Canada.
Word up here is no fewer than three media outlets refused to run
stories their reporters had prepared about one or more Nova Scotia
politicians and their habit of cruising for hookers in their taxpayersubsidized
cars. The reporters in question had detailed, on-the-record
interviews with the girls on the street, stuff that’d make your toes curl.
Yet, the stories were spiked. Irresponsible isn’t the word for it.
FM AMEMBASSY OTTAWA
TO SECSTATE WASH DC IMMEDIATE
FRIDAY, 2 JANUARY, 2009, 11:30
Subject: Senator Mike Duffy
C O N F I D E N T I A L
We have to tell Rush Limbaugh about this. An annoying,
overweight media personality-turned-senator? Rush has gotta
move to Canada. They’d make him president, or whatever.
FM AMEMBASSY COPENHAGEN
TO SECSTATE WASH DC IMMEDIATE
FRIDAY, 16 December 2009, 08:59
Subject: Agent Rubble?
C O N F I D E N T I A L
Short pudgy guy said to be from Nova Scotia is here, kinda puts you
in mind of Barney Rubble. He stuck his head in the door of the climate
summit for a couple of minutes, shook a few hands. I think he may be
a lawyer or a politician or something. Or that’s what he wants us to
think. He’s carrying an inordinate amount of camera equipment. He
could be a spy. He looks vaguely socialist.
FM AMEMBASSY DOHA
TO SECSTATE WASH DC IMMEDIATE
TUESDAY, 27 JULY 2010, 16:35
Subject: What do Newfoundlanders eat?
C O N F I D E N T I A L
JUST NOT SO STORIES
(YES, WE MAKE THEM UP)
Something called The Bristol Group closed down yesterday.
From what I understand, the company started in Newfoundland. That
would explain the scared and confused Newfoundlanders we found wandering
the desert this morning. They’re asking for screech and scrunchions.
I’m afraid I’m at a loss, I gave them some turpentine and styrofoam peanuts,
that seems to have them occupied for now.
FM AMEMBASSY OTTAWA
TO SECSTATE WASH DC IMMEDIATE
FRIDAY, 18 JUNE 2010, 14:50
Subject: Urgent
C O N F I D E N T I A L
OK, now the Defence Minister of Canada
is boning an Iranian.
If that’s not a national security threat, I
don’t know what is. The man’s got to be
stopped.
DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 27

SIX
HOURS
LATER...
...OKAY, SO I SEE FROM YOUR APPLICATION THAT YOU’VE
RECENTLY LEFT A HIGH-LEVEL EXECUTIVE POSITION, AND NOW TO
FILL THE NUMBING VOID IN YOUR ANGST-RIDDEN MIDDLE-AGED
LIFE YOU WANT TO GET A JOB AT A LOCAL FAST-FOOD OUTLET...
AHHHH, DIS IS SOME LIFE EH! NO STRESS, NO WORRIES - FINALLY
DIS IS DA PERFECT JOB FOR ME! (OR POSSIBLY CLUBBIN’ SEALS)
OMIGOD DANNY,
I’M TOTALLY LATE
FOR AN IMPOR-
TANT VOTE ON
LIKE FISHING OR
SOMETHING.
GIMME A SUPER
COMBO MEAL,
QUICK!
...NO! I’M DEFINITELY
GOING TO NEED TWO
LARGE FRIES AND
THE ONION RINGS!
I’D BE WILLING TO CONSIDER
THAT, IF I ALSO GET THE
COLLECTABLE “TANGLED”
CUP WITH FLYNN ON IT.
28 DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK
SURE T’ING
DARRELL ME B’Y!
RIGHT AWAY...
WHAT ABOUT ONE LARGE AND
ONE SMALL, BUT INSTEAD OF
DA RINGS YOU GETS
ANUDDER HOT APPLE PIE?
NO WAY! I TOLD YA,
FLYNN IS NOT ON DA
TABLE. IT’S PASCAL
OR NOTHIN’...
BUT WE DON’T HAVE ANY MANAGEMENT JOBS OPEN
RIGHT NOW, MISTER WILLIAMS - JUST COUNTER STAFF.
GOOD. I’M LOOKIN’ FER DA LEAST
POSSIBLE AMOUNT A’ RESPONSIBILITY.
B’Y
...AS SOON AS WE ARRIVE AT A MUTUALLY ACCEPTABLE
AGREEMENT ON COST AND DELIVERY METHODS!
FIRST LET’S DISCUSS DA
BEVERAGE ARRANGEMENT...
...WELL ALRIGHTY, I T’INKS WE GOT US A DEAL!
IT’S WHAT I CALLS A REAL
HISTORIC ACHIEVEMENT
RIGHT HERE!
CROAK... SO I GET
MY FOOD NOW?
DAT’S
RIGHT...

...DA MINUTE WE’RE FINISHED BUILDIN’ DA PIPELINE TA
GETS IT TO YA! ALRIGHT ME B’YS, GET ‘ER STARTED!
AHHH! DERE! I TELLS YA...
NUTTIN’ MORE SATISFYIN’
DEN A JOB WELL DONE!
...DROPPIN’ TWO DELICIOUS
ONION RINGS IN YER MOUTH
WHILE ALL THE REST OF IT
GOES WHOOSHIN’ STRAIGHT
ON PAST YER CAR...
DUDE, THAT WAS THE WORST SERVICE
EVER! YOU JUST TOOK MONTHS, AT A
TOTAL COST OF BILLIONS OF DOLLARS,
TO SERVE ONE LOUSY VALU MEAL TO A
SINGLE CUSTOMER!
YEAH, BUT YER
OVERLOOKIN’ DA
MOST IMPORTANT
T’ING...
SEE? WE JUST
RUNS DA PIPE
RIGHT UNDER DA
MUNICIPAL POOL,
DEN FOLLOW DA
MOST EFFICIENT
DELIVERY ROUTE
TO SEND YER
MEAL HURTLIN’
T’ROUGH AT
LIGHTNIN’ SPEED...
...IT REALLY PISSED OFF ALL DEM FRIGGIN’
QUEBECKERS IN DA LINE BEHIND HIM!
EHHHHH!
TABARNAK!
GLAAA!! NYOM NYOM NYOM!!
... TO FINALLY SHOOT
RIGHT DOWN DA GULLET
OF SOME JEEZLY FAT-ARSE
BASTARD IN AMERICA!
(WHICH IS LUCKY, CAUSE I
HEAR DEY GOTS GOOD HEART
DOCTORS DOWN DERE)
OSTIE DE POUTINE!
ON AURAIT DU ALLER
CHEZ WENDY’S!
MEN MEN
MEN MEN
MANLY
MEN MEN
MEN....
MENNNN!
ET AUSSI JE
N’AI JAMAIS VU
“AMERICAN
BEAUTY”!
ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010 29

PHONE ANYTIME : (902) 420-1668
LETTERS
E-MAIL: atlanticfrank@eastlink.ca
PO BOX 295, HALIFAX, NS B3J 2N7
CIN-SATIONAL!
Dear Frank:
Every Saturday morning I go to
the Farmer’s Market in
Dartmouth, and most times I see
Cindy Day there accompanied by
a female friend of hers. As you
might expect from Cindy, she tends
to overdress a bit.
This past Saturday the CTV
weathergal was wearing a tightfitting
black top and equally clingy
pants, punctuated by patent leather
stiletto heels. The topper was her
shiny black leather handbag, which
would have been the envy of any
Montreal hooker.
Cindy, don’t ever change.
Ike Etching,
Dartmouth
MATCHMAKER,
MATCHMAKER,
MAKE ME A MATCH
Dear Frank:
Do you remember that old joke,
what would happen if Kitty Wells
and Conway Twitty got married,
she’d become Kitty Twitty?
Keeping in mind the modern gal’s
penchant for hyphenated names, I
thought, what would happen if
these folks hooked up at the altar?
MLA Diana Whalen + Jeopardy
geek Ken Jennings = Diana
Whalen-Jennings
HRM Councillor Debbie Hum +
Shopping Channel guru Dr. Ho =
Debbie Ho-Hum
Former Tory czarina Karen
Casey + Tennesse Titans defensive
back Cortland Finnegan =
Karen Casey-Finnegan
On the same-sex marriage front:
Skier Picabo Street + Chronicle
Herald fashionista Eva Hoare
= Picabo Street-Hoare
Leonardo Da Vinci and Peter
Coade = Leonardo Da Vinci
Code
That’s all I got so far. Will advise
when I think of more.
Hugh Moore,
Halifax
ON THE SAME
PAGE WITH MR.
HJKDSHFHDSFJKST
Dear Frank:
Just scrounged a copy of Frank 599
from one of my loyalists in order to
save three bucks.
As hjkdshfhdsfjkst, Albert
Street, laments, I, too, miss John
Williams, and note your comment
“He’s still here.” The years John was
at the helm, the rag was always concise
with welcome touches of humour,
although we had some exchange re:
the uppance in price from $2.50 to $3.
Manny Letters,
Halifax
Karen Casey
30 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK DECEMBER 21, 2010
Cortland Finnegan
PENSION PONDER
Dear Frank,
I’d sure like to know how much money’s being
spent paying Canada Pension to people who
don’t live in the country any more.
I’m not talking about snowbirds, I’m talking about
the people who aren’t here at all; people who
moved to Canada, stayed here 10 years, then
went wherever they wanted to!
I wonder if we could get the information on
that from the federal government. There’ve got
to be a lot of them; last time there was a crisis in
Lebanon, we had to send a boat to get these
“Canadians” out of there!
I think myself it’s unreal how much we’re paying
out. I think the number would be mindboggling.
A. Penn-Shun,
Halifax
PETER’S SECRET DOUBLE LIFE?
Dear Frank:
Is it just me, or was
CBC cloud-pusher
Peter Coade once
a member of Ryan’s
Fancy?
Sonny Daye,
Sober Island
JASON GOOD...
Dear Frank:
re: Fems vs. Fighter, Frank 598.
Jason and I worked on a job together awhile back.
He’s made mistakes, but he also has many positive
accomplishments.
A. Pal,
New Glasgow
JASON BAD...
Dear Frank:
The story you ran just skims the surface of Jason’s
personality and ways.
A. Foe,
Halifax
BARBARELLA OD
Dear Frank:
re: The Barb & John Bust-up, Frank 599.
Great job on the Barb Stegemann piece, but please
don’t write anything more about that woman in my lifetime.
Bea Gonn,
Halifax
INVITATION TO THE ISLAND
Dear Frank:
I’ve enjoyed Frank for over six years now and wish
your company had a writer from P.E.I., as we have lots of
stories to fill your pages. For example the Provincial Nominee
Program for immigrants, which proved to be just as
big a fiasco on the Island as it was in Nova Scotia.
Ivana Potato,
Charlottetown

FAX ANYTIME: (902) 423-0281
LETTERS
WEB: www.atlanticfrank.ca
PO BOX 295, HALIFAX, NS B3J 2N7
BRIDGES OVER
TROUBLED WATER
Dear Frank:
Has anyone compared the amount of money
the Halifax-Dartmouth Bridge Commission
was spending on salaries in, say, 1990, compared
with today? I’m certain it’s 30 per cent
more than it was then, and what for? It’s not like
it’s a different pair of bridges.
What they spend on salaries and everything
else should be publicly available information. We
could call them and ask them, and it’d be a good
story, and keep people distracted for five minutes,
but it’d probably not hold water.
I don’t live here anymore, but this is a city of
300,000 people, or more, and the Bridge Commission
thinks we’re London! They want to
charge us more for rush hour crossings, but
the reason they did that in Jolly Olde Englande
was because idiot mothers were driving their
SUVs downtown to drop their kids off at school.
Here, at rush hour, it’s people who need to go to
work.
All those guys have got their hands out and
figure the taxpayer should keep paying more
and more.
Speaking of SUVs, have you seen what those
fat bridge cops are driving across the bridge all
day every day? It’s the biggest SUV you can
imagine! What the hell do those fat bridge cops
need their SUVs for? I talked to the bridge commissioner
one time at a party, and he said they
needed them. Who knows why.
Nova Scotia has a culture of expecting the
government to do something, with no idea where
the money comes from. I wish we were Ireland,
because at least they have a pot of gold
hidden somewhere. Well, not anymore, but now
I’m blathering like I’ve kissed the Blarney Stone,
m’laddie.
I. Reland,
Halifax
FRANK PRIDE
WEEK
Dear Frank:
Your latest issue is terrific.
I get so tired of people saying, ‘You read Frank
Magazine? It’s as if some people think that the
Chronicle Herald prints the truth and Frank is
just a bunch of people making stuff up.
Keep up the good work.
A. Fann,
Halifax
Jamie Myra with N-Dipper Pam Birdsall and mayor-for-life Lawrence Mawhinney.
BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE
Dear Frank:
Thank you for your recent articles on
Lunenburg Deputy Mayor Jamie Myra and
the mystery of the missing money at the
Bluenose Golf Club.
Attached is a photo of Jamie in the Nov. 27
Santa Claus parade, apparently throwing
MORE C.B.
NEWS, SIR!
Dear Frank:
Hopefully the new owner will have a
bigger and better Cape Breton section
in his new Frank Magazine. We don’t
get much coverage here.
In fact, I think we need a new paper or
magazine focused exclusively on Sydney.
The Cape Breton Post simply
doesn’t pass muster.
A. Caper,
Sydney
kisses or well-wishes to his loyal subjects.
Accompanying Jamie on the float are N-Dipper
MLA Pam Birdsall and Mayor Lawrence
Mawhinney. I wonder if either of them are regular
Frank readers?
N. Censed,
Lunenburg
SHAME ON FRANK!
Dear Frank:
re: University Moments, Frank 599.
Blaming the victim of a sexual assault is despicable
even for you guys.
Contrary to the belief of your source, women do
not cry rape out of regret the next morning. Most
rapes are not reported at all and of those that are only
a handful ever see charges laid.
It would be gratifying to see Frank being “played”
instead of Frank playing everyone else if the circumstances
were not so unfortunate. You’ve spun the
story exactly the way the St. Mary’s University
Huskies want it. Congratulations, dupes!
Dee S. Graceful,
Halifax
COVER PHOTO BY: Sarah Devenne
This issue’s Frank girls: Nicki Davis, Chelsea Hill, Rebecca Ambrosino
DECEMBER 21, 2010 ATLANTIC CANADA FRANK 31

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