Walter Schels. trans* | Magazin (Blick ins Buch)

TRANS* – THE INTERVIEWS
We recorded several interviews with most of the participants in this
project – a total of several hundred hours of material. The same people
at different ages therefore have their say here. It was often a fine line
between openness and discretion. Almost all interviews with
under-18s had an adult family member present. The anonymous
quotes are from various trans boys and girls.
HOW TO NOTICE
Ben H., 15: I already felt at the age of five that I was in the wrong body.
At first it wasn’t a big deal, I was more of a tomboyish girl. I played
with cars, and definitely not with Barbies. I thought that was normal.
In elementary school, it wasn’t a problem at first either.
Lenni, 16: In kindergarten, I instinctively ran to the dolls and
played with the girls, and for them I was a girl. At the time, I
didn’t even realize that I didn’t belong with the girls. I just always
knew that I was a girl. We bought a pink dress at the flea market,
and I was allowed to wear it – but only at home. Little by little it
got better: I would wear my dress to local festivities, like the bird
shooting. Nobody said anything.
Ole, 18: I started playing soccer when I was four. In elementary
school, I only had boys as friends. When you’re seven, you have
to play in a girls’ team. You can’t have fun with your friends, you
have to play against them. That’s when I stopped playing soccer.
started playing soccer when I was four. In elementary school, I
only had boys as friends. When you‘re seven, you have to play
in a girls’ team. You can‘t have fun with your friends, you have
to play against them. That’s when I stopped playing soccer.
Leo, 16: I think you know from birth which gender you belong
to. I’ve always known that I’m Leo.
Maxine, 18: I secretly dressed up in my mom’s clothes; I put on her
boots and went out in them. I took Christmas decorations from
the Christmas tree and put them in my hair and made breasts
out of balls.
Ben M., 15: When we played, I was always the father or the prince.
But never the princess – it just didn’t feel right.
Trans boy, anonymous, 19: I used to hurt myself – less than
others. I didn’t cut myself much, I mostly hit myself. I just
couldn’t explain what was wrong with me and why I was so
unhappy.
Ben B., 17: Everything was fine in kindergarten. Until I went
over to the boys when I was eleven. They were surprised
because, as a girl, I was supposed to be with the girls and not
playing with cars and digging in the sand.
Jana, 18: As a child, I thought I would fit in better with the girls,
but that’s not normal. I didn’t see anyone like me anywhere
else. When I was ten, I knew: There’s something not right with
my body, I want to be a girl.
PUBERTY
Ole, 17: The others discover they’re beautiful, they’re developing
and growing up. It’s fun for them to put on makeup
and emphasize their bodies. Only you feel uncomfortable,
precisely because of the things that make others feel better.
Lias, 21: Watching my breasts develop and not being able to do
anything about it was terrible. I couldn’t imagine going on
living like that.
Ben M., 15: At some point I started to bind my breasts. I felt they
didn’t belong to me and I didn’t want anyone to see them. It
got worse every year.
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