February 2022 Parenta Magazine

Childhood can be stressful - for all
concerned!
Stress and anxiety are a part of every life – sorry, but there it is. While we may want to alleviate excessive
stress and find ways of managing it, you will never eradicate it completely. And with the roller coaster of
events of the last few years, this is having an impact on us all. Affecting the decisions we make and the
ways in which we behave.
And this is as true for your children as it is for you. Unable to understand, or to have any real control
over the events going on around them, this is affecting children in ways we may not have experienced
previously. Even before they are born.
It used to be thought that during pregnancy
an unborn child was somewhat of a
passive bystander, protected from negative
influences of the physical and emotional
environment by the placenta. However,
recent studies show this is not in fact the
case. The mother’s emotions and stress
levels are influencing the development of
their unborn child in ways that can have
long lasting effects. Preparing them for
a very different world to the one they are
about to experience.
This does not mean that every child
born from a stressful pregnancy will
automatically have problems. Within
a nurturing environment, a child has
enormous potential to change. But to do
so, they need your understanding; of their
development, of what their behaviours
may be telling you and the support you can
offer.
When we experience stress, cortisol, the
stress hormone, is released into the blood
stream as the body readies its reaction to
the perceived threat. Provided this is a rare
occurrence, this is a process children need
to experience, with few ill effects. However,
when repeatedly exposed to feeling
stressed, a child’s cortisol responses adapt.
Equipping them to manage in a stressful
and potentially hostile world, it affects the
way they manage stress and anxiety.
If born into a hostile world, where a
heightened fear and readiness to react
with alert aggression is needed, these
adaptations could be lifesaving. However,
if instead, they have been born into a more
typical life, where they are required to
concentrate and pay attention with more
stable emotions, they are going to struggle.
These children are often found to react with
heightened emotions. They may be quick
to cry, to appear helpless or to react with
anger. This level of focus and excess energy
is exhausting. It can limit a child’s ability to
concentrate and maintain attention and
may affect their behaviours in ways similar
to, and often confused with, the signs of
Conduct Disorder (CD) and Attention Deficit
Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
Every child needs a safe environment in
which to grow; physically, emotionally and
socially as they gain a sense of who they
are. They need opportunities to explore
their own choices and to learn from their
decisions – and mistakes – within an
environment of calm understanding.
As children grow and mature, they may
behave differently than expected, or how
other children are behaving. Their interests
may differ from what was planned, or they
may take longer to master something that
others find easy. But these differences need
accepting and respecting.
Children respond best when they
have opportunities to experience their
natural reactions and learn to manage
their emotions. They will look to you for
guidance, but an overbearing ‘helicopter’
style of support will take away a child’s
ability to cope with change or adversity
when you are not there to take control.
So, what can you do to
guide them?
The first thing to remember within any
stressful situation, or when demands
become overwhelming, is that children
are children. They have immature social
skills, unmanaged physical responses, a
developing unfinished brain and confusion
about their needs and wants. Their
brain continually floods their body with
chemicals causing them to act in ways
that we may often read as quite irrational
and chaotic. And all of this must be
experienced and understood.
Working with young children can also
seem to come with enormous demands,
adding to your own stress. With information
coming at you from every angle, with
enormous potential for misinterpretation.
Try to keep a balanced perspective as you
re-examine and simplify the demands you
place on your day. Prioritise your actions
and concentrate only on what is important.
As you look to support your children, take
the time to get to know them. Watch their
behaviours and tendencies, the ways they
like to do things, to interact and engage
with their world. As you begin to really see
them, and their developments day by day,
you can observe their actions and hear
their words on a different level, free of the
expectations of what they “should” be
doing or saying.
Children live in the moment so do not
expect their actions or decisions to be
based on any consideration of the future.
Mistakes and accidents are normal,
and far more frequent when a child
feels pressured, rushed or managing
unexpected change.
As well as this, every child is their own
person, full of emotions, motivations and
liable to get things wrong. They are not
programmable machines, even when you
did “Exactly what the book said!” And I am
sorry to tell you – they will look to test your
boundaries too. But avoid inadvertently
pressuring them as they explore, grow
and develop. Instead, reassure them with
quiet voices and gentle tones that they are
valued and safe.
Children take all of childhood to grow.
Brains are developing, bodies are growing,
and the world can be a stressful place that
children are only beginning to navigate
their way around. So, guide them through
this tremendous period of rapid growth and
development. Nurture their well-being – as
well as your own. And most importantly,
enjoy them in the here and now, rather
than stressing about the future, or events
that are out of your control.
Embed your supportive practice with the
new Nurturing Childhoods Accreditation,
underpinned by the DfE professional
standards. Offering you CPD tailored to
the needs of your setting, and the children
and families you work with. Complete
with materials, guidance and resources
available for your parents. Join me as
we surround children with a unified
understanding of who they are and what
they need, and really begin developing the
potential of all children in their early years.
Kathryn Peckham
As Founder of Nurturing Childhoods,
Dr Kathryn Peckham is a passionate
advocate for children’s access to rich and
meaningful experiences throughout their
foundational early years. Delivering
online courses, training and seminars, she
works with families and settings to identify
and celebrate the impact of effective
childhood experiences as preparation for
all of life’s learning. An active campaigner
for children, she consults on projects,
conducts research for government bodies
and contributes to papers launched in
parliament. Through her consultancy
and research she guides local councils,
practitioners, teachers and parents all
over the world in enhancing children’s
experiences through the experiences
they offer. A highly acclaimed author and
member of parliamentary groups, Kathryn
also teaches a Masters at the Centre for
Research in Early Years.
Get in contact with Kathryn by emailing
info@kathrynpeckham.co.uk
16 February 2022 | parenta.com
parenta.com | February 2022 17