The Courage of Children: Boston and Beyond XXXI

Oisin Guthrie
Merrill Hawkins, Teacher
The Park School, Brookline, MA
It was a Saturday, a beautiful day. I felt good and excited for my hockey game
that afternoon. The day was going perfectly fine until I was getting ready to
go to my hockey game. I was in a rush. I filled up my water bottle, my bag was
ready, and all I needed was my hockey stick. I looked all over the house for
it, and I couldn’t find it. I was getting really anxious that I couldn’t find my
hockey stick. I had no hockey stick for my game! I started feeling really badly,
like I was going to throw up. My mom said, “Guess you can’t play.’’ My step dad
said, “One of his teammates will have an extra stick.” So I went to the game
with my dad. While my dad was driving me to the game, I felt really sick. I
saw that there was a plastic bag in the back seat, so I grabbed it just in case I
threw up. When my dad and I were in the parking lot, I couldn’t go to the rink
because of my anxiety, so my dad said I could skip the game and just watch my
team play. I watched my team play and felt really bad about not playing. I also
felt like I was letting my parents down for not playing in the game. After the
game was over we returned home. I didn’t feel sick once I returned home
for some reason.
The week went on. I didn’t feel like I did the previous weekend. I had two
hockey games the next weekend, one on Saturday and one on Sunday. On
Saturday, my hockey game was at 4:30. I was fine all day until thirty minutes
before–I felt the same thing that I had last weekend. My step dad told me to
lay down, so I did. I didn’t feel any better. He told me, “We can skip it today.
We’ll go tomorrow.” I felt really guilty that I didn’t play. On Sunday, I woke
up early for my game. I didn’t feel good again, but my step dad pushed me to
play, so I did. In the car, I still didn’t feel good. I walked into the rink. Once
I saw my team, I immediately felt better. I got on the ice, and I was fine.
“If you have anxiety
or something else
that is bothering
you, it’s always good
to tell someone
and they might
just help you.”
came down with the school counselor. They talked with me and my mom for a
minute before bringing me upstairs. We set a goal to stay at school for the first
period. My mom promised not to go far. Once I got upstairs I saw all of my
friends saying, “What’s up?” I felt fine for the rest of the day. The rest of the
week I felt fine too.
When I look back at that time, I think it was just opening that door that was
holding me back from things I love to do. I love hockey and seeing my friends
at school. My definition of courage is not being afraid of something that’s
holding you back, like how my anxiety was holding me back from things I love
to do. I learned that I have support all around me, and so you do. I still have
the feeling that I’m going to throw up sometimes, but I just brush it off. If you
have anxiety or something else that is bothering you, it’s always good to tell
someone and they might just help you.
That Monday I woke up to go to school. For some reason, I had that feeling
again, like at my hockey games. I told my mom, and she said, “You can take
the day off.” So that’s what I did. On Tuesday, I woke early because I had my
tutor before school. Once I got in the building I didn’t feel well. I was having
another panic attack. After trying to calm me down and taking a walk outside,
my tutor texted my mom to pick me up. That day we figured that my anxiety
was really bad, so my mom got an appointment to see my doctor. I told the
doctor about my anxiety, and he gave me this pill that would help. He also
encouraged me to go to school the next day. On Thursday my mom brought
me to school. I didn’t want to leave her side, but she wasn’t allowed inside
the school because of COVID. So the front desk called my teacher, and she
The Courage of Children: Boston and Beyond
Volume XXXI
8 9