The Courage of Children: Boston and Beyond XXXI

Jenseen Johnson
Erin Hannon-Foley, Teacher
Roosevelt K-8 School, Hyde Park, MA
Have you ever felt so nervous about something that you wanted to “skip” that
part? That’s how I felt when I had to sing in front of a lot of people.
We were assigned a project for Sunday School. There were special
performances going on because it was the Sunday School Anniversary. I was
ten at the time. You could choose whatever talent you wanted to do. Everyone
had to do something. At first, I felt pretty excited about it. I chose to sing a
song because I thought it’d be easier for me. I love singing. It’s something
I’ve been doing for a long time.
I told my parents, chose my song, and practiced a lot in front of them.
I decided to play piano with the song too. I ended up becoming pretty
confident after all the practicing. I kept thinking about the number of people
coming that day. I started getting anxious because I had never sung or said
something out loud in public before. “Will they think it’s good? Am I as good
as the others? What if I mess up?”
The program was about a week away so I thought I had enough time to stop
worrying about it. The worry, the anxiousness, and the fright never stopped,
so it wasn’t enough time. It was a never ending flood of all these emotions
after the realization that many people would be watching and listening.
I couldn’t go back and change what I was doing because the director was
already notified about it. I couldn’t move forward either because I was frozen
with all these overwhelming feelings inside me, holding me back.
Finally, the day came. Backstage I started to feel more and more nervous when
I saw more people walk in. Each time I saw a new person, I prayed there’d be
no more. The amount of people grew and grew, and so did the amount of my
nervousness. I wasn’t thinking about the song, or me. I was too busy thinking
about what others were going to think about me.
“Jenseen will now be performing a song for us!” exclaimed the Sunday School
director. I came up, and sat at the piano. I slowly and steadily played the
piano intro and started singing. The first song lyrics came out in a nervous,
shaky voice, and it sounded like I was about to cry. I don’t think anyone could
understand the lyrics, that’s how shaky my voice was. The lights shining down
on me were so bright that they made my eyes water. I quickly looked down at
the piano, at the shiny, glistening keys, so no one would see.
“I showed courage
by setting other
people aside, and
not making their
thoughts my focus.”
I was still thinking about what everyone else was thinking of me. I made
the decision that whatever happens, happens, and other people’s opinions
shouldn’t matter to me if they don’t make me content. I remember thinking,
“God, help me out here.” I just wanted to get this over with, and wished that
time would go by faster, and that I’d be done with the whole song by now.
Everything was going by so slowly. All I wanted to do was get out of there.
I was pretty embarrassed and mad at myself that I messed up. I blinked fast a
couple of times to dry my eyes, looked back up, took a deep breath, and tried
again. It felt like an eternity from the time I messed up to when I started over,
but it all happened in a matter of seconds. This time, it came out better. I sang
the whole song with a clear voice, while starting over with a new mindset. It
was difficult to tone down my self-consciousness, but I did it. I was confident
and pleased with what I sang, and that’s all that mattered.
I showed courage by setting other people aside, and not making their
thoughts my focus. I sang the song not worrying about what others may have
to say about it even though I was scared. I learned to not focus on what others
think about me while I’m doing what I’m supposed to. I stopped looking at
myself from other people’s point of view and decided to actually look at myself
from my perspective. If other people’s thoughts are what you’re focused on,
that will affect you, and how well you do on your own job. Being self-conscious
may seem like a small matter, but it takes a lot of strength to overcome.
Courage is knowing that other people’s thoughts don’t have to be your main
focus because your job and your *positive* thoughts are your main focus, even
though there may be distractions all around that try to put you down.
The Courage of Children: Boston and Beyond
Volume XXXI
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