The Courage of Children: Boston and Beyond XXXI

Kai Geraghty-Sari
Mary Budrose, Teacher
Proctor School, Topsfield, MA
Courage will always be something that is not acquired easily, struggling to
speak out against others and attempting things other people wouldn’t even
dare to think of. In all honesty, I can’t think of myself as courageous, but I
do think I was able to do something a lot of people my age, or anyone at all,
couldn’t admit.
Last summer I had started falling deeper into social media, and I began to
learn and find out about more and more things that I had never seen or
even heard of before. I enjoyed being able to look more into other people’s
thoughts and worries. As I kept venturing through I discovered something
called the LGBTQIA+ Community. I hadn’t heard of it before, so it made
me wonder. Over time, I gradually got more and more interested in learning
all about the different sexualities and genders that the community had held
within them, acknowledging and noticing the differences between everything.
At first it was confusing and felt impossible to comprehend, but I eventually
became used to the idea. I hadn’t worried about it until I learned the word
“transgender.” This is someone who did not identify with their gender given to
them at birth that corresponded with their sex. That word was nothing to me
when I first learned the definition, but soon I felt even more connected and
stuck on that single phrase.
I was born with female body parts, and for ten years I was seen as a girl. I
felt entirely incapable of being transgender, but something just told me
I wasn’t a girl. I couldn’t stand the eager feeling to figure it all out. Since
I knew most of the genders already I had thought I might be outside the
binary genders, non-binary. Non-binary is typically someone who only uses
they/them pronouns, but there are other pronouns under the non-binary
umbrella as well. I decided that’s what my “gender” was, and told my two or
three friends about it. At some point I did everything in my ability to deny
that I was a boy. I didn’t want to have to change everything, I will admit. I’ve
always been terrified of what others would think of me. I denied it for a while.
I went with they/them pronouns even though I was constantly misgendered
without others even realizing. My mom already knew at this point, and I was
fully prepared to stay as I was so that I wouldn’t feel embarrassed or nervous
anymore, but it kept coming back. It kept making me stress continuously over
my name. Everyone knew me as my deadname, and it was unbearable. Even if
I hadn’t chosen my name, it bothered me so much. Of course everyone called
me that, yet it still hurt hearing it. When my mom brought me to get my hair
“To them I had a new
name. To me I had finally
found my real name.”
cut shorter than it had ever been before, I was excited. Unfortunately I soon
came to realize that no matter what I looked like, I couldn’t help but only
ever feel feminine. All I could say is that I was fed up at that point, waiting
for myself to catch up with the fact that I was a boy. So I came to a conclusion
that I shouldn’t have or ever will care about others opinions, and I didn’t
need to. Luckily enough my oblivious self finally realized that if I’m going
to be stuck with myself my entire life, I’d rather not spend it all worrying
about others. Soon I came out to the same friends I had before, and they
reacted respectfully. That’s all I needed. Some time later my mom eventually
knew, and so did everyone at my school when we finally came back from
summer break. To them I had a new name. To me I had finally found my real
name. Honestly I still don’t think I have courage, but I know I was able to be
courageous that one time. If someone ever makes you feel uncomfortable for
being you, then they are a million times further from finding themselves than
you are.
The Courage of Children: Boston and Beyond
Volume XXXI
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