The Courage of Children: Boston and Beyond XXXI

Alana McNamara
Faith Smith, Teacher
South Boston Catholic Academy, South Boston, MA
Courage has many definitions, many different names, and shows itself in many
ways. It may not always be physical, like standing up to a bully or going in the
ocean for the first time. It doesn’t mean others have to see you show courage.
Courage to me is facing your fears and your worries so you know you are above
them. I have had to show courage in school for a long time. I do not tend to
talk about my anxiety. For a long time, I tried to hold in my emotions, which
led to me having big meltdowns at home. I used to feel my house was the only
place I could take off the mask I held on all day. Over the years I had to show
courage by taking off the mask to show I was not alright at times. This is a time
I showed courage.
BOOM! My heart pounds, I feel everything in slow motion. BOOM! My hands
are trembling, my breath is shaky. BOOM! What is wrong with me? I am going
to do fine. BOOM! My heart stops, time is paused. I just sit there staring, and
then nothing, no reaction. I got a 100, as expected. I don’t know what causes
me to have this perfectionist anxiety, but one thing I do know is that I can’t
turn it off. Every time I show the slightest bit of emotion people say things
like, “That’s a good grade. You have no right to be upset.” “You’re kidding
me. Look, your grade is better than mine.” But the worst is, “Just stop. There
is nothing to be upset about.” That one hits me the most because I wish, more
than anyone, that I could stop. I am a perfectionist, and this is what causes
my anxiety. Over the years this has morphed into the idea that perfect is the
average or is the expected, anything and everything under is unacceptable.
“I still get anxiety,
but because of
courage I now know
it is alright to let
your emotions show.”
meet with her and to talk to my teacher. Talking to my sixth grade teacher,
Ms. Hoisl, broke down my walls. I now see the school counselor every other
week. Just going and talking has given me the view of being able to take off
that invisible mask. I still get anxiety, but because of courage I now know it is
alright to let your emotions show. Even if not everyone understands, I know
I can talk to someone who does.
I can stand and talk in front of a crowd of people. This comes naturally.
Courage is something you learn to have, something that is not natural, not
easy to find or use. When you finally do show courage you feel that you did
the best you could, even if it was not perfect. I longed to find this feeling of
showing courage, and I have finally found it.
I started sixth grade and I assumed everything was going to be the same as
years past. I had a meltdown and started crying right when I saw my test.
It was a 96. I got one question wrong. I got comments, and I tried to laugh
them off. I felt that no one understood, so I built up the courage to tell my
parents and ask to go to the school counselor. They scheduled for me to
The Courage of Children: Boston and Beyond
Volume XXXI
44 45