Shadow and Bone

I really needed to do was steal a horse—but I had no idea how
to go about that, so I decided to just keep moving.
On the way out of town, I stopped at a market stall to buy a
supply of hard cheese, bread, and dried meat.
“Hungry, are you?” asked the toothless old vendor, looking
at me a little too closely as I shoved the food into my pack.
“My brother is. He eats like a pig,” I said, and pretended to
wave at someone in the crowd. “Coming!” I shouted, and
hurried off. All I could hope was that he would remember a
girl traveling with her family or, better yet, that he wouldn’t
remember me at all.
I spent that night sleeping in the tidy hayloft of a dairy farm
just off the Vy. It was a long way from my beautiful bed at the
Little Palace, but I was grateful for the shelter and for the
sounds of animals around me. The soft lowing and rustle of
the cows made me feel less alone as I curled on my side, using
my pack and fur hat as a makeshift pillow.
What if Baghra was wrong? I worried as I lay there. What if
she’d lied? Or what if she was just mistaken? I could go back
to the Little Palace. I could sleep in my own bed and take my
lessons with Botkin and chat with Genya. It was such a
tempting thought. If I went back, would the Darkling forgive
me?
Forgive me? What was wrong with me? He was the one
who wanted to put a collar around my neck and make me a
slave, and I was fretting over his forgiveness? I rolled onto my
other side, furious with myself.
In my heart, I knew that Baghra was right. I remembered
my own words to Mal: He owns us all. I’d said it angrily,
without thinking, because I’d wanted to hurt Mal’s pride. But
I’d spoken the truth just as surely as Baghra. I knew the
Darkling was ruthless and dangerous, but I’d ignored all that,
happy to believe in my supposedly great destiny, thrilled to
think that I was the one he wanted.
Why don’t you just admit that you wanted to belong to him?
said a voice in my head. Why don’t you admit that part of you