Issue 1| 2023

while my children participated in a Head
Start program.
The thought of getting my GED kindled
new hope in me. For years, my educational
status had prevented me from obtaining
jobs outside of food service. I was only 19,
but my future had already seemed set in
stone. Suddenly, I could see a way to take a
step toward something positive in my life.
Maybe there was a future for me after all.
I entered the program excitedly and set
what I thought was a reasonable goal to
pass one test a month. Obtaining my GED
took longer than expected, though, as I
had trouble staying focused. I would get
inspired, then fall away.
Math slowed me down. It took three attempts
for me to pass that exam. I didn’t
know it then, but depression was contributing
to my inability to stay consistent. At
the time, all I knew to do was push my feelings
down and keep trying.
My teachers noticed my determination
and asked me to be a guest speaker at the
basic skills recognition ceremony. I was
surprised when my speech and a picture
of me in my cap and gown were published
in the local newspaper. It was my birthday,
and I couldn’t have received a better gift.
The newspaper article and picture
proved that good things are possible to
those who work hard and believe. I showed
it to my children with pride and encouraged
them those good things were possible
for them, too.
From that day forward, I set more goals
and entered the local community college
to pursue my college education. Filled with
newfound confidence, I refused to count
myself out or be content with just getting
by and relying on others. I wanted more out
of life and was determined to defeat every
challenge that came my way. My children
were looking up to me, so giving up wasn’t
an option.
I began pursuing a degree in human services
technology. I wanted to help people,
especially women like me who struggled to
make ends meet. It felt good to take daily
steps to better myself. But in 2005, I lost
focus when the father of my children came
back around. I got pregnant again and had
to put my education goals on hold for nearly
a decade to care for my four children.
Looking back, I see that continuing a
relationship with a man who didn’t stay
and didn’t care enough to provide for his
family was unwise. But I couldn’t see past
the moment. Insecurities and an unhealed
heart led me to make many choices that
resulted in hard consequences.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my children
and would make every sacrifice again for
them. But being a single mom and living
in poverty was hard—for my kids and me.
I often felt discouraged by my circumstances
and would isolate myself as I
fought depression and suicidal thoughts.
I’VE FOUND THAT
SERVING OTHERS
HELPS ME AVOID
BECOMING CONSUMED
WITH MY OWN
STRUGGLES.
Only by God’s grace were my kids and I able
to survive that long, dark season.
The church was the only place I experienced
a sense of relief. I started attending
with the kids around the same time I
got my GED. We’d walk down the street to
church each Sunday, and there, I’d find the
strength to make it through another week.
Being in the presence of God, His Word,
powerful worship music, and fellowshipping
with other believers lifted a heavy
weight off my shoulders. I knew no matter
what, I needed to cling to my faith. And I
did. But I didn’t yet understand the importance
of living in Christ daily.
God used my children to draw me closer
to Him. My children have always been my
motivation to live a better life. I wanted
them to be proud of their mother and see
that they could achieve their goals if they
focused and worked hard.
But God showed me that it was even
more important to teach them to live a life
of faith daily. Worldly success is worthless
if they don’t know Jesus Christ as their Lord
and Savior (Philippians 3:8).
I began to seek God daily through prayer
and studying the Bible. I was determined
to give Him more than church attendance.
Soon, God’s Holy Spirit convicted me of my
life choices. He showed me that my going
to church and then hitting the clubs and
hanging out was sending mixed messages
to my kids.
Having one foot in the world was also
causing me to be unstable. James 1:8 says
that a person who divides their loyalty
between God and the world is unstable in
all they do.
Setting a bad example for my children
was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted
to live a life of faith that honored God
and exhibited character worth imitating—
and God gave me the power to accomplish
it (Philippians 2:13).
I returned to school again, and in 2014,
I finally graduated with my college degree.
My older self told my younger self,
“Girl, you did it!” I thanked God for this
joyous day. Later that year, I got married—
something I never thought I’d experience.
But the honeymoon didn’t last long as my
kids and I tried to adjust to our new family
unit. We all struggled, and soon, my children
rebelled.
I kept pushing down my emotions and
pressing through situations as I’d always
done. It seemed to be paying off when
in 2016, I started a job at East Carolina
University in an administrative role. I
could hardly contain myself when I sat
down at my very own desk in a private
office. I rejoiced in the Lord and thanked
Him for bringing me so far in life. He had
helped me overcome so many obstacles
(Philippians 4:13).
But things fell apart in the fall of 2018.
My husband and I separated, and my son,
arrested for double homicide, was facing
the death penalty. (Instead of death, he is
now serving a 38-year sentence in prison.)
His arrest took a toll on my mental state.
Life had thrown me many curves in the
past, but I’d always managed to bob and
weave and keep moving. This time, I was
drowning in sorrow.
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2023
17