Issue 1| 2023

It was too much to bear, and I stepped into the fast lane. Men.
Cash. Coke. Jack. I spun quickly out of control.
When Charlie was given a triple death sentence, I vowed I
would never speak to him again. I was done with Charlie and
Chicago, and I decided to move.
I set off to live with my older brother in Dallas. There I met his
best friend, David. He was another bad boy—but boy, was he cute.
Daily life with David was one big party—until I found out I was
pregnant. My maternal instincts kicked in, and I stopped doing
drugs. I returned to Chicago. David followed me there, and we got
married. Three months later, our daughter Jennifer was born.
We remained in Chicago for the next 13 years. During that
time, I didn’t think once about God. I was doing just fine without
Despite the wreckage of my
life, I could feel His presence.
He was still here.
Him. We had another little girl, Kelly, and set out to give our girls
an incredible life.
When our oldest daughter was starting middle school, we decided
to move to Phoenix. I was excited about this new adventure
and proud of the family David and I had built.
But one day, as I mentally patted myself on the back for the
incredible life we had given our girls, God spoke loud and clear.
“But you have not given them the most important thing they need—Me!”
Once close, Juliana and her brother, Charlie (above left),
didn’t speak for 20 years due to hurt and unforgiveness.
The gift of forgiveness not only restored Juliana’s relation ship with
Charlie, but with her husband, David (above right), as well.
You could have heard a pin drop inside my head. I
hadn’t spoken to God in decades, but I recognized His
voice. Conviction gripped my heart. “You’re right,” I
replied. It’s all I could say.
Reluctantly, I promised God I would take the girls
to church. But I made it very clear that I wasn’t going.
Drop off and pick up, that’s all He was getting from me.
Of course, God knew better.
One night as I was preparing to pick the girls up from
Wednesday night church, the telephone rang. It was the
police. David had been in a head-on collision. He was
okay, but they were holding him in custody. The victim,
they said, had been hospitalized with injuries.
Custody? Victim? I was bewildered. The officer continued,
“Ma’am, it appears Mr. McFadden may have been
under the influence at the time of the crash. We need
you to pick him up at the station.”
Turns out, David had fallen asleep at the wheel while
under the influence of opiates and hit a Mercedes headon.
On May 16, 2000, just a year and a half after moving
to our new home in Phoenix, David was charged with
aggravated assault and given a two-and-a-half-year
prison sentence.
Once again, a man I loved and trusted had turned my
world upside down. First Charlie, and now my husband.
Really, God? Still, I pressed on and tried to do the right
thing. I kept my end of the bargain and kept taking the
girls to church. But inside, I was devastated.
Week after week, I dropped them off, went home, and
then back again. But I was a single mom
now, and I was tired. So I began staying at
the church with the girls. I thought it was
a matter of convenience, but God knew it
was a matter of connection.
One night, my friend Joanne invited me
to go with her to hear someone named
Anne Graham Lotz. I had no idea Mrs.
Lotz was the daughter of the great evangelist
Billy Graham until Joanne told me.
I agreed to go.
Perhaps, I thought, if I went to the service,
God would tell me whether I should
stay with my husband or if He would give
me the green light to walk away from my
marriage. I was hurt, betrayed, exhausted,
and emotionally done.
Funny thing, Anne Graham Lotz didn’t
say one word about whether I should stay with David, but
I still came away from the event with an answer. Can you
believe God used a statement on a bookmark inserted
in the event program to convey His message? On it were
the words: “I have decided to .”
VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM
Issue 01 / 2023
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