The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck

responsibility for their problems/emotions.
In general, entitled people fall into one of two traps in their relationships.
Either they expect other people to take responsibility for their problems: “I
wanted a nice relaxing weekend at home. You should have known that and
canceled your plans.” Or they take on too much responsibility for other
people’s problems: “She just lost her job again, but it’s probably my fault
because I wasn’t as supportive of her as I could have been. I’m going to help
her rewrite her résumé tomorrow.”
Entitled people adopt these strategies in their relationships, as with
everything, to help avoid accepting responsibility for their own problems. As
a result, their relationships are fragile and fake, products of avoiding inner
pain rather than embracing a genuine appreciation and adoration of their
partner.
This goes not just for romantic relationships, by the way, but also for
family relationships and friendships. An overbearing mother may take
responsibility for every problem in her children’s lives. Her own entitlement
then encourages an entitlement in her children, as they grow up to believe
other people should always be responsible for their problems.
(This is why the problems in your romantic relationships always eerily
resemble the problems in your parents’ relationship.)
When you have murky areas of responsibility for your emotions and
actions—areas where it’s unclear who is responsible for what, whose fault is
what, why you’re doing what you’re doing—you never develop strong values
for yourself. Your only value becomes making your partner happy. Or your
only value becomes your partner making you happy.
This is self-defeating, of course. And relationships characterized by such
murkiness usually go down like the Hindenburg, with all the drama and
fireworks.
People can’t solve your problems for you. And they shouldn’t try,
because that won’t make you happy. You can’t solve other people’s problems
for them either, because that likewise won’t make them happy. The mark of
an unhealthy relationship is two people who try to solve each other’s
problems in order to feel good about themselves. Rather, a healthy
relationship is when two people solve their own problems in order to feel
good about each other.
The setting of proper boundaries doesn’t mean you can’t help or support