The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck
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of their relational emotional roller coaster.
People with strong boundaries understand that it’s unreasonable to expect
two people to accommodate each other 100 percent and fulfill every need the
other has. People with strong boundaries understand that they may hurt
someone’s feelings sometimes, but ultimately they can’t determine how other
people feel. People with strong boundaries understand that a healthy
relationship is not about controlling one another’s emotions, but rather about
each partner supporting the other in their individual growth and in solving
their own problems.
It’s not about giving a fuck about everything your partner gives a fuck
about; it’s about giving a fuck about your partner regardless of the fucks he
or she gives. That’s unconditional love, baby.
How to Build Trust
My wife is one of those women who spend a lot of time in front of the mirror.
She loves to look amazing, and I love for her to look amazing too
(obviously).
Nights before we go out, she comes out of the bathroom after an hourlong
makeup/hair/clothes/whatever-women-do-in-there session and asks me
how she looks. She’s usually gorgeous. Every once in a while, though, she
looks bad. Maybe she tried to do something new with her hair, or decided to
wear a pair of boots that some flamboyant fashion designer from Milan
thought were avant-garde. Whatever the reason—it just doesn’t work.
When I tell her this, she usually gets pissed off. As she marches back into
the closet or the bathroom to redo everything and make us thirty minutes late,
she spouts a bunch of four-letter words and sometimes even slings a few of
them in my direction.
Men stereotypically lie in this situation to make their girlfriends/wives
happy. But I don’t. Why? Because honesty in my relationship is more
important to me than feeling good all the time. The last person I should ever
have to censor myself with is the woman I love.
Fortunately, I’m married to a woman who agrees and is willing to hear
my uncensored thoughts. She calls me out on my bullshit too, of course,
which is one of the most important traits she offers me as a partner. Sure, my
ego gets bruised sometimes, and I bitch and complain and try to argue, but a