Issue 1 | 2024

TRAINS,
BULLIES,
COPS…
AND JESUS
The sun dimmed
behind the
approaching train.
My heart clamored
to escape my tenyear-old
body as
sweat collected
under my nose.
Bending my knees,
I readied myself to
sprint. I can make it, I
told myself. Just one
more second… Go!
THE STORY OF JERRY HOWARD
That was a real train, and I Life on the edge was exhausting
and costly—and then came
did make it…but the adrenaline
rush that followed ignited an the train I couldn’t dodge. The
insatiable desire to tempt fate financial, legal, and marital
that ran my life for a long time. problems I’d been ignoring all
For decades, I lived alongside climbed aboard an express locomotive
headed straight for
the tracks where poor decisions
are made. I knew better, but like me. I knew I was done. That’s
Jacob in the Bible, I wrestled when I remembered God.
with the Creator of heaven Desperate, I closed my eyes
and earth (Genesis 32:24). I and prayed, “God, if You’re real,
wanted what I wanted, and I snap Your fingers and make all
did what I had to, to get it. my problems go away.” Somewhere
in the depths of my
Like Jacob before he surrendered
to God, I too was a deceiver.
I dodged trains, bullies, believed that when I opened
toxic, deluded heart, I actually
and cops with one goal: to get my eyes, God would have rescued
me…but He didn’t. He let
away with, well, everything.
And all the while, I upheld a the train wreck happen.
glimmering image of success. The God who could have
changed everything, changed
nothing. I ended up in jail, had
to attend rehab, and paid some
hefty fines. I wasn’t happy.
Sometimes it takes God a
long time to do something
suddenly.
God knew best because He
knew me. He saw right past
my lies and straight into my
prideful and rebellious heart.
He knew that unless I faced
the hard consequences, I’d just
keep jumping in front of other
destructive trains.
My wild and rebellious ways
emerged early in life, as you’ve
read. I was a small, introverted,
emotional kid with an oddly
large head, and I received my
fair share of bullying in school.
That bullying led to more insecurities
and an identity crisis. I
fought back by setting out to be
successful and prove my enemies
wrong.
God planted a seed of success
in the quiet characteristics
that attracted bullies. They also
grabbed the attention of influential
people like the instructor
of the Marine Corps Junior
ROTC. He saw something in me
and put me in charge of tasks
and people. Leadership skills
took root and grew.
Promotion came quickly.
I was awarded the Legion of
Valor Bronze Cross as the number
one MCJROTC cadet across
six states. I excelled in baseball
and had excellent grades too.
The odds for success were in
my favor.
After high school graduation,
I headed to Virginia Tech and
enrolled in the Corps of Cadets
where I quickly became an esteemed
Cadre Corporal. But I
had an issue with authority and
lacked respect for the juniors
26 Issue 01 / 2024 VICTORIOUSLIVINGMAGAZINE.COM