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22 | Friday, March 16, 2012 Hamilton County Herald www.hamiltoncountyherald.com
The Critic's
Corner
By David Laprad
dlaprad@hamiltoncountyherald.com
You’ll want to take notes
Instead of writing a review of “John Carter,” I’m tempted to
compile a clip-n-carry guide to the names of its alien characters,
races and locations. If you’re planning to see the movie, a
manual would be more helpful to you than my assessment. I went
in unprepared, and I spent a fair amount of time trying to fi gure
out whether I was looking at a � ern, a � ark, or a � oat, who
Sab � an and Matai Shang were, which of the human tribes were
the Zondangans, and so on. Even Mars is called “Barsoom.”
Making matters worse, the political structure on Barsoom is
needlessly complex. � ere are two warring human civilizations, a
race of giant green beings with four arms, and a group of ethereal
life forms – among others. At one point, a slavering horde appears
in the desert, intent on wiping out our heroes, and although
they look like a meaner version of the giant green beings, they’re
called something else. At that point, I gave up.
Han Solo. Luke Skywalker. Princess Leia. � at’s how you name
characters in a science fi ction movie if you don’t want your viewers
to spend most of its running time making mental notes.
� e creators of “John Carter” can’t be blamed for packing their
script with hard-to-remember names, though, as they based
their tale on the literary works of Edgar Rice Burroughs, who
also created “Tarzan.” Burroughs wrote his “Barsoom” series over
a century ago, long before it inspired “Star Wars,” “Avatar,” and
other modern science fi ction movies, and long before NASA’s
robotic probes had revealed Mars to be nothing but a dusty rock.
When Burroughs penned his books, Mars was still rich fodder for
the imagination.
“John Carter” is largely based on “A Princess of Mars,” the fi rst
book in Burroughs’ series. It follows the titular Civil War veteran,
who, through a chain of events, is unexpectedly whisked away to
Mars. � ere, he becomes embroiled in the many-layered battle
between its various races, meets and falls in love with a princess
named Dejah � oris (sigh), and fi ghts giant beasts.
While I can’t address the quality of the novel, the movie is not
great science fi ction, or even great storytelling. My biggest complaint
has to do with the � erns, the ethereal beings I mentioned
in paragraph one. For reasons the creators of the movie never
make clear, the � erns work behind the scenes, stirring up trouble
to ensure everyone remains at each other’s throats. One of the
� erns says something vague about his people feeding off dying
civilizations, but that’s a weak reason for all of their machinations.
� e Death Star. � e Rebel Base. � e Empire wants to end the
rebellion. � at’s how it’s done.
Despite everything, “John Carter” is worth seeing. Disney
spent A LOT of money making the movie, and every penny appears
to be on the screen. � e battles are huge, and look incredible;
the aliens have even more clarity than the computer animated
beings in “Avatar”; and the locations are visually imaginative and
gorgeously rendered. I especially liked the massive city on legs
that strode across the desert, and the bony, mud-like dwellings of
the � arks, which look as though they grew out of the Martian
landscape.
I also liked Taylor Kitsch as Carter and Lynn Collins as the
princess. � ey needed more chemistry, and Kitsch could have
been more expressive in some of his scenes, but both do a good
job with their characters. Since “John Carter” is essentially an
animated movie with human actors inserted into the scenery, that
was quite an accomplishment.
And I enjoyed the humor. � e scene in which Carter fi rst
tries to walk in the low-gravity environment of Mars had me in
stitches, primarily because he doesn’t realize he’s been transported
from a desert on Earth to an alien wasteland.
For all of its problems, which include some cheesiness, “John
Carter” off ers a good time at the movies. Under the guiding hand
of Andrew Stanton, the director of “Finding Nemo” and “WALL-
E,” it’s never boring, and it’s almost always entertaining. Some of
its details have slipped away since I saw it, but I haven’t forgotten
how much fun I had watching it.
Rated PG-13 for intense violence and action. � ree stars out
of four. Email David Laprad at dlaprad@hamiltoncountyherald.
com.
��ADVICE FOR THE REAL WORLD
Woman rethinks choice
DEAR AMY: My husband and
I have never planned on having
children.
We are both in our mid-30s,
and while we are fi nancially
stable and have a strong family
network, we didn't think that
we wanted to make the sacrifi
ces necessary to become good
parents.
Several months ago, I found
out I was pregnant but had a
miscarriage.
At fi rst I was relieved, thinking
that life could return to "normal"
for us and it would be the best for
everyone.
Now, I occasionally fi nd myself
wondering what I might have
lost.
Logically, I know that there
are many reasons not to have
children: the time commitment,
the expense, the fact that your
life is no longer really yours; not
to mention suff ering through the
pregnancy and labor portion of
the process.
Is my reaction just a normal
part of the process of losing
something, or should we reconsider
a decision we thought we
had already made? – Wondering
DEAR WONDERING: � e
tendency to revisit these big life
choices is an emotionally healthy
reaction to a major life event.
� e reasons you cite for not
having children are all logical,
but your assumption that you can
return to "normal" after a miscarriage
is not.
All of the logic in the world
will never allow for the stuff life
throws at you: job loss, illness,
and natural and personal disaster.
In short, every single thing
that comes down the pike will be
a potential threat to your version
of "normal."
Do yourself a favor – don't
cling too hard to normal.
Defi nitely reconsider your
baby plans. You and your husband
should continue to talk
about it, as you have done in
RISMedia
� e U.S. housing market
disappointed Warren Buff ett last
year, but he hasn’t given up hope.
Buff ett said in his annual
shareholder letter, posted this
weekend, that he was “dead
wrong” when he predicted last
year that the rebound in U.S.
home prices would begin within
a year.
� is year, though, he’s betting
again that the housing market
will recover, and for an interesting
reason: hormones.
As Buff ett explains it, the
housing market is currently depressed
because young Americans
have stayed at home rather
than going out and setting up
their own households.
“People may postpone hitch-
not to have kids
Ask
Amy
By Amy Dickinson
Tribune Media
the past.
If you conclude that your
choice is based in a mutual desire
to remain childless – and not
anxiety – then march forward,
secure in your decision, but willing
to discuss it again.
DEAR AMY: Due to job loss,
my younger sister, "Stacy," and
her teen daughter have been living
with us for more than a year
now.
Stacy has gotten two diff erent
jobs over the year, but neither has
been long term.
In this economy, job hunting
is hard.
With our kids out on their
own, my husband and I have
gone on a yearly vacation together.
Last year this included my
sister and niece.
We still want to vacation (with
just the two of us) this year, and
I'm not sure how Stacy will take
it.
Last year was very expensive
with two extra airfares, lodging
and food costs, and we have a
more limited budget now due
to the daily costs of two extra
people in the household.
Stacy is already asking, "Where
are we going this year?" when she
is unable to contribute for either
herself or her daughter.
I feel trapped. What should I
do? – Stuck Sister
DEAR STUCK: You have been
ing up during uncertain times,
but eventually hormones take
over,” Buff ett wrote in the letter
to shareholders in his investment
company Berkshire Hathaway.
“And while ‘doubling-up’ may be
the initial reaction of some during
a recession, living with inlaws
can quickly lose its allure.”
� at is not the entirety of
his argument. He also says that
home builders are not creating
enough new supply. As a result,
the excess inventory that built up
after the fi nancial crisis is slowly
disappearing, paving the way for
new demand.
During an appearance on
CNBC on Monday morning,
Buff ett said he would buy up
millions of U.S. homes if it were
possible.
Data out Monday seemed to
very generous, and it sounds as if
on the whole this arrangement is
basically working out. I give you
and your husband a lot of credit
for being such devoted family
members.
When you vacation without
including the other members of
your household, you are emphasizing
that they are not quite full
members of the household. Depending
on the personal dynamic
between you, this will sting.
You and your husband deserve
to have some privacy and to go
away together if you want to,
however.
� e only way to fi nd out how
your sister will take this news is
to tell her.
You say, "We're planning to
go away, but we can't aff ord a
vacation for all of us this year.
I'm sorry, but maybe when you
get on your feet you can join us
again."
DEAR AMY: "Overwhelmed"
wondered what to do with four
"poster-size pictures" of a stepson's
wedding.
You suggested she mount them
on foam board and pull them out
when the young couple visit.
I think she should have someone
take photos of the posters
and size them to match other
photos in the household. When
the newlyweds visit, they can tell
them, "We loved the posters you
sent, so we scaled them to fi t and
adorn a favorite wall." – Bob
DEAR BOB: A great solution.
� ank you.
(Send questions via e-mail to
askamy@tribune.com or by mail
to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune,
TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave.,
Chicago, IL 60611. Amy Dickinson's
memoir, "� e Mighty Queens
of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter
and the Town that Raised � em"
(Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)
©2012 By � e Chicago Tribune
Distributed By Tribune Media
Services, Inc. �
Warren Buffett is betting on housing
support Buff ett’s contention. � e
National Association of Realtors
announced that the number of
people buying used homes in
January rose to a 21-month high.
As usual, the annual letter
was an opportunity for Buff ett to
provide a candid assessment of
Berkshire Hathaway’s wins and
losses, most of which were in the
volatile energy sector. He said
his entire $2 billion investment
in a Texas utility company may
be wiped out unless natural gas
prices rise substantially.
“In tennis parlance, this was
a major unforced error by your
chairman,” he wrote.
Buff ett also used the letter to
reveal that he has chosen a CEO
to succeed him at Berkshire Hathaway
– he just refused to provide
the identity of that person. �