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MeDIevAl tRencHcoAt KnIgHt teRRoRIses WAIKAto<br />
By Zane Pocock<br />
Students at the University of Waikato<br />
were falsely alarmed on Wednesday July<br />
25 when a man wearing a trenchcoat was<br />
reported to be carrying a weapon on campus.<br />
At 10:29am, an email was sent to all staff and<br />
students following the sighting of a “tall, Caucasian<br />
male, in his twenties... with shoulder-length<br />
brown hair”. Police were immediately called to<br />
the campus, while the University was left to<br />
simply “hope there is no cause for concern” as<br />
the man roamed free.<br />
An update was sent out 13 minutes later to alert<br />
students that the weapon “was probably a sword<br />
[which] may be part of a medieval jousting event<br />
being held on campus today.” While the police<br />
were still investigating, the University affirmed<br />
that they “believe there is no cause for<br />
alarm,” demonstrating the beautifully-crafted<br />
and poetic repetition that<br />
has made their English Literature<br />
department the envy of the<br />
western world, subverted only<br />
with synonyms for “concern”<br />
and “hope”.<br />
Over an hour after this literary<br />
gem – giving their students time<br />
to fully appreciate it – the University<br />
was given the all-clear by police,<br />
who “closed” the tragic case. The intruder,<br />
who turned out to have been holding an<br />
umbrella, “had been addressed”, and the<br />
University was using the incident “to hone<br />
our own emergency response.”<br />
critic.co.nz<br />
NEWs<br />
11
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