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mAkinG UP the nUmbers<br />
-Sarah Cowley is a heptathlete at her first Olympic games.<br />
Even her best points total won't put her in the hunt for<br />
medals.<br />
-Decathlete Brent Newdick will be excited about his first<br />
Olympics. Unfortunately his personal best of 8114 won't put<br />
him anywhere near the medals.<br />
-Race-walker Quentin Rew has said that he is aiming for a<br />
top 16 finish. Unfortunately they only give out three medals.<br />
-Unfortunately for Kim Smith, the Kenyans dominate the<br />
women's marathon. No one else really gets a look in.<br />
-Lucy Van Dalen's official Olympic profile says she has the<br />
“potential” to make the top sixteen. Maybe Rio is the Games<br />
for her.<br />
-Women's boxers Siona Fernandes and Alexis Pritchard are<br />
both testing the waters in this brand new event. Pritchard has<br />
been ranked as high as 11th in the world, but that’s about it.<br />
-Teneale Hatton is canoeing at her first Olympics and<br />
improving fast. Maybe the Olympics for her will be Rio 2016.<br />
-Erin Taylor is the partner of Lisa Carrington in the K2 500.<br />
Carrington is better on her own.<br />
-Mike Dawson will be the first NZ male ever to compete in<br />
white water slalom canoe. Unfortunately he qualified by<br />
finishing 11th in a World Cup meet. Luuka Jones goes into<br />
the women’s event ranked 14th in the world. On the plus side,<br />
she has a very white smile in her Olympics profile.<br />
-Kurt Pickard is the odd one out in the BMX crew. He's still<br />
young though.<br />
-Jack Bauer will compete in the road cycling time trial and<br />
road race. Fighting terrorism in a predetermined time period?<br />
Yes. Medals? No.<br />
critic.co.nz<br />
-Louisa Hill is competing in the dressage, which in my<br />
opinion shouldn't be in the modern Olympics. They should<br />
give the horse the medal instead of the rider.<br />
-Both football teams won't get anywhere near the medal<br />
games. The women will probably do better than the men,<br />
but the men have some interesting young attackers in Chris<br />
Wood and Marco Rojas.<br />
-I know <strong>not</strong>hing about Judo. It says on Moira De Villiers<br />
profile that she has the potential to make the top 16…<br />
-Shooter Ryan Taylor only made the Olympics after a legal<br />
appeal that proved he could make the top 8.<br />
-The rest of the swimming team, apart from the three already<br />
mentioned, are going to struggle to make any finals. To pass<br />
the time they should all grow Danyon Loader ponytails.<br />
-Logan Campbell is the best-known Tae Kwon Do representative<br />
in London, but that is because he opened a brothel with<br />
a certain <strong>Critic</strong> staff member’s brother to pay for his trip. He<br />
and Robin Cheong are ranked in the top 10 in the world, but<br />
Vaughn Scott is ranked a lowly 20th.<br />
-Marina Erakovic might get out of the first round in the tennis<br />
but shouldn't get much further.<br />
-Richie Patterson is the only New Zealand weightlifter at this<br />
year’s Games. He's aiming for a top 10 finish.<br />
Well, there you go. That was pretty comprehensive. The New<br />
Zealand Olympic committee has said that they are aiming for<br />
10 medals. My patented quotient ratio has determined that<br />
we will in fact receive 6 medals, 2 of which will be gold. <strong>I'm</strong><br />
<strong>not</strong> going to tell you who they’re going to be, because that<br />
would bankrupt the TAB.<br />
Enjoy the Olympics. I know it’s going to be a sleep free month<br />
for me.<br />
KiWi sPorts<br />
21
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