Tybee Breeze

12
Tybee Breeze
By Judy O’Neill
Here I am one of many who feel compelled to write
about automated phone systems. I hate them
more and more as I get older and older or, maybe,
busier and busier. They waste my precious time,
try my limited patience, and inspire my anger and
frustration.
Chances are that if I’m making a call to a company
that has an automated phone system, I’m
frustrated or confused about something already.
Getting the “Please listen carefully as our options
have changed” is like hearing fingernails scraping
the chalk board. I don’t care that they’ve changed.
Just hurry up and get on with the trial and error
ordeal you’re going to put me through to get me to a
correct choice in your recently changed system.
Not long ago, I made a call to our “new” Georgia
Power. Now, you get a voice. You don’t get “please
press one.” You don’t get the “our options have
changed.” I think who-hoo! This is going to be
great. And...it’s NOT great. It’s more frustrating
and time consuming. I don’t get to vent by pressing
buttons ‘til my finger hurts and the phone is
damaged. I have to SAY something to the
automated pleased-as-punch and sweet-as-sugar
voice. WHAT!? After I hear her tell me she can
help me and listen to and respond correctly to
several of the voice prompt choices, I realize that
what I really want to say is not lady like and
rhymes with…well, never mind. Why isn’t there
just a choice that says “If you just have a simple
question, please press one”? It took forever to
respond to the choices, say and spell by last
name, the name of my cat, my mother’s mother’s
maiden name, give the last four digits of my social
security number and repeat my account number
no less than four times. Eventually, I got the choice
of “none of the above” and got a REAL person.
By the time I got the live body, I was so beat up by
the “pleasant” experience that I almost couldn’t
remember the ONE SIMPLE QUESTION I needed
to ask. After I managed to ask the ONE SIMPLE
QUESTION, I got one simple answer. Guess what
it was. Yep! The infamous “I don’t really know and
can’t help you with that.” Then she put me on hold,
sent me back to the automated system, and left me
with no answer at all! Click.
The other choice we need in all these systems has
to do with language issues. Let’s say I’m having a
completely stupid moment about my computer or
other device that can out think me. I call the “Help
Line.” After thirty minutes or more, I get a tech
support person who has a name that I can’t
pronounce and may not have any vowels in it as
far as I can tell. I ask my question. From then on, I
hear a language that does not resemble the
English I speak or have ever heard in any way. It’s
the “Bollywood” help line. We need an option that
gives us a person who speaks English “AS A
FIRST LANGUAGE.” I can’t be culture sensitive
and deal with language difficulties on top of
technical difficulties. I was raised a southern girl
and taught NEVER to insult a person or hurt
anyone’s feelings. So that means I’m reluctant to
say to the ESL person on the other end of the line