Issue 20 | August 13,2012 | critic.co.nz

Brooke Howard-Smith, 37, is the chief challenger to Clarke
Gayford’s title of “Most Beloved Yet Humble and Down-To-
Earth New Zealand Celeb”. At first glance, Brooke appears less
man than God: married to former Miss New Zealand Amber
Peebles, organiser of the 2011 Rise Up Christchurch Global Telethon,
Skycity’s poker ambassador, owner of classy Auckland
nightspot the Pony Club, Target presenter...sometimes it seems
like this bottomless pit of raw talent was targeted for greatness
from the moment he emerged from the womb.
Virtually everything Howard-Smith touches turns to gold,
as demonstrated by his role as part of the presenting team
at New Zealand’s 2007 Rugby World Cup bid in France. Yet
Howard-Smith remains a supernova of self-effacement. In
2008, while engaged to Peebles, the man of many talents
began an affair with an Auckland teenager with braces who
he seduced within the sweaty confines of the Pony Club. This
astute move showed that despite his Adonis-like appearance,
unstoppable career trajectory, and flawless taste in wooden
bead necklaces, Howard-Smith is fallible just like any other
man. Prior to the affair Howard-Smith regularly hit on girls in
skintight Supre dresses at Pony, but these minor indiscretions
were deemed insufficient to convince the public that he was
just flawed enough to be relatable. The schoolgirl, echoing the
sentiments of a nation, commented that she was powerless
to resist Howard-Smith’s “charisma”.
So what’s next for the self-made man’s lethal blend of
Connery-esque charm, sharp wit, and classically chiselled
features? Well, the sky’s the limit, but for now his unique
talents have spawned many imitators. It is speculated that
the tradesman who recently made an appearance on Target
splooging into a client’s underwear while watching porn on
her computer was inspired by Howard-Smith’s red-faced,
white-knuckled, vigorous metaphorical masturbation into
the eyes and ears of the public.
Don’t miss Brooke Howard-Smith on Target, Tuesdays at
7.30pm on TV3. You can keep updated on all the latest happenings
in Brookeworld on Twitter (@Brooke_hs).
critic.co.nz
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