Volume 10 - Issue 1, February 15, 2008 - Lake Chapala Review

Page 30 Lake Chapala Review
February 2008
God’s Food
by Don Edwards Bunnies, Cherogrils, and Sonny Bono
Let me make this clear, I am not a Biblical scholar, and my
belief in God is unconventional, but I have read the Bible.
Several times as a matter of fact.
I recently reread Deuteronomy and Leviticus. Why
would anyone read these peculiar books? I can answer
that. I have been interested in food since I retired. I do
most of the cooking. People I know that are Bible or Torah
readers usually read Genesis, Exodus or Kings. They like
stories about how Adam and Eve made out in various
ways and how Moses became a physicist involved in water
transmogrification and exothermic bushes. We all know
how the little guy beat up the big guy and became king,
and of course there is Samson, the dumbest guy in all of
scripture. But as important and interesting as these things
are, if you are a cook, wouldn’t you want to know God’s
gastronomical preferences? Naturally, I went to the source:
the Bible.
For example, how about eating an ostrich? My translation
says you can’t eat them. I make ostrich-burgers fairly often.
They taste good and have very little fat. But I wondered: as
far as I know, only Australia has ostriches. How in the world
did ostriches get to Israel in the time of Deuteronomy? The
only way I can rationalize it is Noah. I guess the ostriches in
Israel were great tasting, because I visited Israel a few years
ago and there wasn’t an ostrich anywhere. They must have
been eaten into extinction.
Bunnies. You can’t eat them, either. I don’t know about
road kill, I’m still researching the translations. My friend
Jim says the way to make barbeque in Arkansas is to get
some run over ‘possum on the highway, then strap it to the
manifold of a Ford truck and drive for exactly 46 minutes
Panino
MONDAY
Open Face Hot Roast Beef Sandwich
w/ Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, & Veggie
TUESDAY
Meat Loaf w/Mashed Potatoes & Green Salad
or
Chicken Fried Steak or Chicken Fried Chicken
w/Country Gravy, Mashed Potatoes
& Corn-on-the-Cob or Peas
WEDNESDAY
Open Face Turkey Sandwich w/Gravy
Mashed Potatoes & Peas
until the juices run clear.
In any case, God definitely doesn’t want bunnies
consumed, with or without Fords.
Boiling a baby goat in its mother’s milk isn’t allowed
either. I’ve never consumed a goat boiled in anything, but
I can see the logic of this. First of all, I can imagine boiled
goat would be tough as rhino hide, but more importantly
it would indeed traumatic for mama goat to see baby goat
rendered into lunch in this manner. Much better that
baby goat gets roasted with some good Idaho potatoes or
marinated in a rosemary garlic sauce before barbequing
I must say I was surprised about the admonition against
camels. I was in Cairo once and I can tell you that camel
flambé is terrific. Swine ribs are a no-no, too, which would
place the Cattleman Sauce Company into receivership
in a heartbeat if this prohibition were followed by all
mankind. Bats are out. Owls are out. Cherogrils are out.
“Cherogrils?” you might ask. Sonny Bono’s singing partner
on a rotisserie? I’ve never even heard of a cherogril. What
does God have against the poor cherogril?
Four-footed flying things are forbidden. What kind
of animal do you know that flies and has four feet? A
goatasaurus? Animals with longer hind legs than forelegs
are okay, though. Again, probably a Noah phenomenon.
Kangaroos must have roamed the Golan Heights at one
time.
Here’s one that really got my goat, if you will pardon the
expression: you can’t eat things that kill themselves. The
Leviticus admonition actually prohibits eating anything….
and I quote…“dead of itself.” Try to picture a camel with
nothing to live for. Maybe it can end it all if it purposefully
rams itself into a pyramid. Okay, so you can’t eat a cow
that hangs itself, but then the scripture tells you it is
perfectly permissible to give it to strangers. Amazingly,
there can be usury involved. Apparently it is acceptable
DAILY SPECIALS THURSDAY
DELI & RESTAURANT
Spaghetti w/ Fresh Tomatoes, Basil, & Pine Nuts
ADD Shrimp if you want
or
Spaghetti & Meatballs w/ Green Salad &
Garlic Bread
FRIDAY
Cook’s Choice
THURSDAY & FRIDAY
Deep Fried Scallops w/ Home-Made Tarter
Sauce and Coleslaw
EVERYDAY
Your Choice of Fresh Shrimp Louie Salad,
Oriental Chicken Salad, or Chicken Caesar Salad
One Block from Mailboxes, Etc. in San Antonio Tlayacapan
Monday through Friday 11-4 (Closed Saturday & Sunday)
Call Ahead for Take-Out orders 766-3822