Volume 10 - Issue 1, February 15, 2008 - Lake Chapala Review

February 2008 Lake Chapala Review
Page 59
Zip and Easy
by Rose Britt-Hugh
“Mom, last night Mike and I
camped along the American
River. We met this guy, and he
told us all these weird stories.
We made a fire, and as we sat
there talking, he walked up
and said, “This is my ceiling.”
Said his name was Zip, and his
dog was Easy.
We drank a little wine and he
told us he’d been in Vietnam.
Said he’d had a job once way
up in Oregon, tending 26,000
sheep. But one morning he
woke up and saw a wild man
riding a lion and whipping it
with rattlesnakes. The wild
man picked up one of the
sheep and tore it in half and
ate it. Zip said he told that
wild man to eat all he wanted.
“Bein’ the sheepherder that I
am.”
Said one night he heard a
noise in the barn, so he shot
his gun five times into the air,
“Bein’ the sheepherder that
I am.” But that morning the
owner’s wife came and told
him her husband was going to
kill him because he had shot
their horse five times. So he
up and ran away.
Said he was hitchhiking and
a trucker picked him up and
they began to talk. The trucker
complained about his wife a
lot, sayin’ he didn’t want her to
get his money when he died,
so he made out a will leaving
Zip his truck and $50,000!
Then he died on the spot! So
Zip drove the truck with Easy
all over the country. “Bein’ the
truck driver that I am.” And
Easy drove the truck, too.
They were in Bend, Oregon,
and he ran into his old friend
Jake, who had a patch on
one eye. Jake talked him into
entering an ostrich race. So he
rode that ostrich 40 miles an
hour, hittin’ it on the head with
a broom to make it go. Said of
course he won the race, “Bein’
the ostrich-rider that I am.”
But then he ran into a wall.
Then, one time he and Easy
were riding their motorcycle
up in Calaveras and they ran
into Hell’s Angels. He invited
them to a bar and bought
drinks for everybody and
then they decided to have a
motorcycle race. So Easy got
on and rode around a while
and then Zip got on with Easy,
and left them in the dust!
“Bein’ the biker that I am.”
“So, what do you think,
Ma?”