Issue 42 - Columbia: A Journal of Literature and Art

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which is sometilnes referred to as What Cannot Be Said. Agony decides the fate of Theater People. Theater People who lose a loved one become Showfolks; Theater People whose loved one enters into Laughter become Stolen Pets. Upon the death of his loved one, a Showfolk is awarded a cash prize equal to 100 times the average yearly salary. During Agony, What Can Be Said is alive with contradictory Showfolks, because of their proximity to those who enter into but never leave Agony, feel a legitimate need to be looked at and/or heard. Thus, when they become Tenants, and so long as they remain Tenants, they are required to work a job in the television or radio industries as newscasters, game-show hosts, or talkshow hosts. These positions allow them to be themselves, more or less, and to be looked at and/or heard. Most will pursue training in the field so as to compete with other Showfolks for the elite positions, but many will eschew training and thereby bring a variety of obstinate Upon the death of his loved one, aShowfolk is awarded acash prize equal to 100 times the average yearly salary. peculiarities to local media. Television and radio stations, when they are hiring for on-air positions, are reqUired by law to hire Showfolks before they hire anyone else. This means that a Showfolk applicant will beat out all non Showfolks for the job, even if the Showfolk in question has had no training - indeed, even if the Showfolk in question is not able to speak. His only competition is other Showfolks. In the beginning, when there have been relatively few Agonies, there will be relatively few Showfolks, and these few will be inclined to seek out the most glamorous jobs at the most popular stations. A smaller portion will no doubt yearn to stay close to home, and some may seek out positions that allow them to maintain something close to anonylnity. As Agonies accrue, Showfolks will become less anomalous, though not necessarily less exotic - will become a caste, almost - and will saturate all levels of TV and radio "talk." A Stolen Pet, if his loved one arrives dead in Laughter, is known thereafter as a Shock Jock. Shock Jocks are awarded a cash prize equal to 500 times the average yearly salary. Shock Jocks, once they have received their award, are allowed to apply for and to work at any job they can get, but they may not receive pay for the work they do. Stolen Pets who are not Shock Jocks remain Stolen Pets and receive no monetary award. wishes. II
y Erin Belieu 3. I'm a borscht-belt comedienne working the audience from behind your headstone. I shimmy onstage between Pam And Her Magic Organ and the gigantic poodle act. Your coffin is a tough room. Mourners talk through my set, down schmutz-colored highballs, wait for the fan dancer to pluck her scuzzy feathers. But you always loved the livestock, didn't you? I say, how many of you folks are in from Jersey? from In The Red Dress I Wear To Your Funeral The microphone sweats like your cock did in my hands.
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Issue 42 - Columbia: A Journal of Literature and Art

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