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Mainly for men BLOOD TESTS Your partner will be offered blood tests early in pregnancy (see page 53). You may also be asked to have a blood test to check whether your baby is at risk of an inherited or genetic condition such as sickle cell, thalassaemia or cystic fibrosis. You will also be asked about your family history and origin, because certain inherited conditions are more common depending on family history. ‘My worries are to do with making sure that she’s happy and comfortable and that.’ (A FATHER) ‘My wife one day couldn’t stand the smell of me. I tried every different kind of soap, but it made no difference. In the end I asked the doctor about it.’ (A FATHER) Confide in friends who are already fathers and will know what you’re going through. You may want to protect your partner from your worries but she will almost certainly sense your concern. The more you keep it to yourself, the more she’ll feel that you’re moving away from her – just when she badly needs you to be there. If you’re giving her the support she needs, then there’s no need to leave your feelings out of the picture. S UPPORTING YOUR PARTNER Something amazing is happening inside your partner’s body. The closer you can get to her, the more you’ll be able to share this experience. But at times closeness will seem impossible. In the early weeks she may be prickly and irritable about the slightest things. Certain smells and tastes may make her nauseous. She may want only to sleep. In the middle months you’ll probably find that much of her energy returns and she may resent being treated ‘like china’. Towards the end the weight of the baby may drag her down. The tiredness and irritability of the early weeks often returns and she may start feeling quite frightened of the birth and be lonely without the company of friends at work. PHYSICAL FEELINGS Believe it or not, men can get symptoms of pregnancy too! The most commonly reported ones are sleeplessness, indigestion and nausea. They are probably caused by stress, but are no less uncomfortable for that. If your partner is anxious, encourage her to talk about it. Many women are more used to listening than being listened to, so it may take a while before she feels able to open up. Be patient – the better you can learn to support each other now, the stronger your relationship will be when the baby arrives. 48
Mainly for men PRACTICAL SUPPORT Your partner may be used to doing most of the housework as well as going out to work. If she continues to do all this work, she’ll tire herself out. Now is the time to start sharing the housework, if you don’t already do so. There are two areas where you can really help: • cooking – in the early months the smell may put her off, and if you cook she’s more likely to eat what she needs; • carrying heavy shopping can put a lot of strain on her back, so try to do the shopping yourself or together. A FRIEND IN NEED Pregnancy can be frightening, so it will help if she knows that she’s not alone. Start by reading the rest of this book with her so that you’re both well informed. Some of the basic health advice is just as important for you as it is for her. • Good eating is much easier if you’re doing it together, so read pages 8–12 and start picking up the food habits you’ll want to pass on to your child. • Cigarette smoke is dangerous for babies. If you are a smoker, read page 13 on how to stop. • If you continue to smoke, don’t smoke near your partner, don’t offer her cigarettes and don’t leave your cigarettes lying around. • Go with her to the doctor if she’s worried, or be sure to talk it through when she gets home. • Be there if she has a scan (see page 56) and see your baby on the screen. • If she needs to have extra tests (see pages 53–9) your support is especially important. • Find out about antenatal classes for couples (see pages 64–5) or fathers’ evenings at the hospital . The more you know about labour, the more you’ll be able to help. • Most men stay with their partners during labour, but it’s important that you’re both happy about it. If you prefer not to be present, talk to your partner. You may be able to think of a friend or relative who could accompany her instead. • Talk about what you both expect in labour (see page 36 and Chapter 11). • Talk about the birth plan (see page 38). Fill it in together so you know what she wants and how you can help her achieve it. Support her if she changes her mind during labour. Be flexible. • During labour she’ll be far too involved with what’s happening inside to pay much attention to the people around her. You can be her guide and interpreter. PATERNITY LEAVE Speak to your human resources department or your boss about your paternity leave entitlement. You may be entitled to one or two weeks’ paid leave following the birth (see page 143). THE BIRTH – BEING PREPARED A checklist for the final weeks • Make sure your partner can contact you at all times. • Decide how you’ll get to the hospital (if you’re having a hospital birth). • If you’re using your own car, make sure it works and has petrol, and do a trial run to see how long it takes. • Remember to pack a bag for yourself, including snacks, a camera and film, and change for the telephone. ‘I am happy to be involved. I want to know what she has to do. I like to feel involved, contributing to this, not just starting it.’ (A FATHER) 49
Page 1 and 2: Pre the nancy gbook Your complete g
Page 3 and 4: Pre the nancy gbook Your complete g
Page 5 and 6: 11 LABOUR AND BIRTH Getting ready f
Page 7 and 8: Your pregnancy at a glance 16-20 we
Page 9 and 10: Introduction Every parent is differ
Page 11 and 12: Your health in pregnancy • Eat pl
Page 13 and 14: Your health in pregnancy VEGETARIAN
Page 15 and 16: Your health in pregnancy S MOKING W
Page 17 and 18: Your health in pregnancy P HYSICAL
Page 19 and 20: Your health in pregnancy Foot exerc
Page 21 and 22: obstetrician. If you do catch toxop
Page 23 and 24: 2 Conception To understand about co
Page 25 and 26: Conception T HE WOMAN’ S MONTHLY
Page 27 and 28: Conception T HE BEST TIME TO GET PR
Page 29 and 30: Conception K NOWING THAT YOU’ RE
Page 31 and 32: How the baby develops WEEKS 4-5 Wee
Page 33 and 34: How the baby develops WEEKS 15-22 T
Page 35 and 36: 4 Deciding where to have your baby
Page 37 and 38: Deciding where to have your baby HO
Page 39 and 40: Deciding where to have your baby B
Page 41 and 42: 5 Feelings and relationships From t
Page 43 and 44: Feelings and relationships WORRYING
Page 45 and 46: Feelings and relationships FAMILIES
Page 47 and 48: Feelings and relationships C OPING
Page 49: 6 Mainly for men Some pregnancies h
Page 53 and 54: 7 Antenatal care and antenatal clas
Page 55 and 56: Antenatal care and antenatal classe
Page 69 and 70: The feeding question B REASTFEEDING
Page 71 and 72: The feeding question Support contac
Page 73 and 74: The feeding question HOW OFTEN AND
Page 75 and 76: The feeding question B OTTLE FEEDIN
Page 77 and 78: The feeding question The temperatur
Page 79 and 80: 9 Problems Your body has a great de
Page 81 and 82: Problems FEELING HOT IN PREGNANCY D
Page 83 and 84: Problems can empty it properly. The
Page 85 and 86: Problems VAGINAL DISCHARGE Almost a
Page 87 and 88: 10 What you need for the baby This
Page 89 and 90: What you need for the baby O UT AND
Page 91 and 92: 11 Labour and birth This chapter de
Page 93 and 94: Labour and birth PAIN RELIEF IN LAB
Page 95 and 96: Labour and birth • your contracti
Page 97 and 98: Labour and birth AT THE HOSPITAL Go
Page 99 and 100: Labour and birth • The heartbeat
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Labour and birth You can have your
Page 103 and 104:
Labour and birth treatment takes ab
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Labour and birth A vaginal breech d
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When pregnancy goes wrong been due.
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13 The first days with your new bab
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The first days with your new baby c
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The first days with your new baby b
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Babies who need special care I NCUB
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The early weeks: you L OOKING AFTER
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The early weeks: you T HE ‘ BABY
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16 The early weeks: your baby The b
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The early weeks: your baby Sadly, w
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The early weeks: your baby CHANGING
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The early weeks: your baby WASHING
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The early weeks: your baby W HERE T
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as green, leafy vegetables and brea
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Rights and benefits How much is it?
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Who gets it? Pregnant women and new
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Rights and benefits You must have n
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• your baby is born before your M
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Rights and benefits (MAT B1 form),
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Rights and benefits Giving notice f
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Rights and benefits If you return t
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• state that this is an applicati
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USEFUL ORGANISATIONS Some of these
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In Northern Ireland: Northern Irela
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INDEX A abnormalities tests to dete
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The Pregnancy Book “It contains e
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