Bisson_rucker_billys.. - Rudy Rucker

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Billy told them. “What planet are you from?” he asked. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” they said. They were wearing space helmets. “Is this Earth?” “Yes,” said Billy. “You can take off your space helmets. There’s plenty of air here. It’s not like the Moon.” Billy had learned about the Moon at school. There is no air on the Moon. “Your air stinks,” said the spacemen. “It does not,” said Billy. “It does so,” said the spacemen. They put their helmets back on. “We are here to conquer Earth,” they said. “We are going to kill everybody and then it will smell better.” “You are too little,” said Billy. “That’s why we need your help,” said the spacemen. “I’m just a little boy,” said Billy. The next morning the spacemen were still in the drawer. “Look what we found,” they said. “That’s just a pencil,” said Billy. “It is not, it’s a spear,” said the spacemen. “Sharpen it for us.” §§ Billy stuck the pencil in his electric pencil sharpener. A little light came on when the pencil was sharp. He gave it back to the spacemen. “I think you should go home,” he said. “You can keep the pencil.” 38
“It’s a spear,” said the spacemen. “And we don’t care what you think. Take us to your leader. We will kill him and take his keys.” “I have to go to school,” said Billy. “That’s even better,” said the spacemen. “We can hide in your lunchbox.” “What if I say no?” said Billy. “Then we’ll kill you too,” said the spacemen. Billy took the spacemen t ship on it. §§ o school. They were hiding in his lunchbox. It had a rocket “That’s a stupid lunchbox,” said the teacher. “That rocket doesn’t look real.” “It does so,” said Billy. It was embossed. “And it’s full of spacemen. They intend to conquer Earth.” “That I want to see,” said the teacher. “It’s your funeral,” said Billy. He opened his lunchbox. The spacemen jumped out and killed the teacher. All the kids screamed. §§ Pretty soon the police came. They took Billy home. “The teacher killed himself with a pencil,” said the police. “All th screaming.” “It must have been a tragedy,” said Billy’s mother. “It was his own fault,” said Billy. e kids were 39
Page 2 and 3: Text copyright © Terry Bisson 2009
Page 5 and 6: BILLY AND THE ANTS It was a beautif
Page 7 and 8: “Coming!” he said. §§ “Your
Page 9 and 10: There was an ant between him and th
Page 11: Then it snapped Billy in half. “W
Page 14 and 15: “I never said that,” said the f
Page 16 and 17: “He doesn’t do things,” said
Page 18 and 19: “No you didn’t,” Billy said.
Page 20 and 21: “Of course not,” said the fairy
Page 23 and 24: BILLY AND THE BULLDOZER Billy had a
Page 25 and 26: The sand was already dry. Some of i
Page 27: “What happened next door?” aske
Page 30 and 31: “Hey,” said Billy. The unicorn
Page 32 and 33: “After you go to bed,” said the
Page 34 and 35: “Girls like unicorns,” said Bil
Page 37: BILLY AND THE SPACEMEN “Look what
Page 41: Billy knocked them into the water w
Page 44 and 45: “Of course not,” said Clyde.
Page 46 and 47: “Playing with dolls,” said Bill
Page 48 and 49: “I’m sorry I called you a sissy
Page 50: “We all make mistakes,” said th
Page 53 and 54: They gave Billy an axe and a long o
Page 55 and 56: As soon as he stepped ashore, Billy
Page 58 and 59: BILLY AND THE TIME SKATEBOARD “Go
Page 60 and 61: He grabbed it back. He pointed it t
Page 63 and 64: BILLY AND THE TALKING PLANT One day
Page 65 and 66: He took the magazine to the store a
Page 67 and 68: “Eat your turkey,” said Billy
Page 69: “Nothing,” said Billy. “We go
Page 72 and 73: Billy hid behind the garbage can.
Page 74 and 75: ”You are too big,” said Billy.
Page 76 and 77: After a while Billy got hungry. “
Page 78 and 79: He got his gun out of the closet. I
Page 80 and 81: The clowns made Billy’s father la
Page 83 and 84: BILLY AND THE FLYING SAUCER “Hey,
Page 85: “Sorry,” said Vernon. He held u
Page 88 and 89:
“You must be hooked,” said the
Page 91 and 92:
BILLY AND THE WITHC One day Billy
Page 93 and 94:
“Late again!” said Billy’s mo
Page 95 and 96:
He shot her through the head. He wa
Page 98 and 99:
BILLY IN DINOSAUR CITY “Pack up y
Page 100 and 101:
The next day Billy went to dinosaur
Page 102 and 103:
The next day, Billy took his magazi
Page 104 and 105:
“Aren’t you going to school?”
Page 106 and 107:
About the Author Terry Bisson has w
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