Through Their Eyes: Domestic Violence and It's Impact on Children

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<strong>Through</strong> <strong>Their</strong> <strong>Eyes</strong> • 44 percent of parents reported that their children watched an entire violent incident • 83 percent of children overheard abuse from another room • Over 1/2 of children were threatened with physical harm • Over 1/3 of children were accidentally injured • Over 1/4 were hurt intentionally by the abuser when they tried to intervene 10 A variant of this is that children overhear violence happening in another room. Sergeant Deborah Nicholson of the Seattle Police Department’s <strong>Domestic</strong> <strong>Violence</strong> Unit notes that children are often the ones who call 911 when violence happens, either with or without their parents’ approval. In the drawing on page 6, a young girl huddles under her blankets in her bedroom, listening to her father abuse her mother <strong>and</strong> praying for it to stop. Children also see the aftermath of violence in their homes—broken furniture <strong>and</strong> windows, injuries <strong>and</strong> emotional disturbances in themselves <strong>and</strong> in their mother. Anita’s 6-year-old daughter began crying when a favorite toy was found on the floor, broken, after a violent episode. Children can also become involved when they are used as a tool by the perpetrator of the abuse. This can be either physical or emotional. In the stalking scenario, Larry knew that his children would report back to their mother about his behavior, thus making her frightened for herself <strong>and</strong> the safety of her children. Another child was told by her father that she would receive one dollar for every time she made her mother cry. In Ziba’s story, Ziba’s husb<strong>and</strong> chose to yell <strong>and</strong> throw things at Ziba during Marjan’s birthday party. The police arrived, <strong>and</strong> the incident ended with Marjan’s father being arrested. Once she stopped worrying about her mother’s safety, Marjan was mortally embarrassed by her father’s behavior. She worried that her friends, who witnessed the incident, would stop liking her. When their parents found out about the incident, friends were not allowed to come to her house, which was exactly what the batterer wanted in the first place. He did not consider Marjan’s feelings or social status at all—he was frustrated by not being in control of his house. Obviously, not all batterers or incidents are so straightforward or manipulative, but battering behaviors are always a choice <strong>and</strong> are most often done so that the batterer can assert his control. These experiences can have profound <strong>and</strong> damaging psychological <strong>and</strong> physical effects on children. We will look at some of the ways that children can suffer from these experiences in Chapter 2. 7
Chapter 2 | <strong>Through</strong> <strong>Their</strong> <strong>Eyes</strong> Experts who work with families affected by violence tell us again <strong>and</strong> again that the best way to support children is by supporting their mothers. This often means changing our way of thinking about victims of domestic violence. We need to remember that: • No one chooses or deserves to be in an abusive relationship. • Victims are not at 8
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Page 35 and 36: Advocacy Wheel EMPOWERMENT PROMOTE
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Through Their Eyes: Domestic Violence and It's Impact on Children

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