Through Their Eyes: Domestic Violence and It's Impact on Children

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Power <strong>and</strong> Control Wheel Physical <strong>and</strong> sexual assaults, or threats to commit them, are the most apparent forms of domestic violence <strong>and</strong> are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem. However, regular use of other abusive behaviors by the batterer, when reinforced by one or more acts of physical violence, make up a larger system of abuse. Although physical assaults may occur only once or occasionally, they instill threat of future violent attacks <strong>and</strong> allow the abuser to take control of the woman’s life <strong>and</strong> circumstances. The Power & Control diagram is a particularly helpful tool in underst<strong>and</strong>ing the overall pattern of abusive <strong>and</strong> violent behaviors, which is used by a batterer to establish <strong>and</strong> maintain control over his partner. Very often, one or more violent incidents are accompanied by an array of these other types of abuse. They are less easily identified, yet firmly establish a pattern of intimidation <strong>and</strong> control in the relationship. physical MALE PRIVILEGE: physical COERCION AND THREATS: Making <strong>and</strong>/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her. Threatening to leave her, Treating her like a servant: making all the big decisions, acting like the “master of the castle,” being the one to define men’s <strong>and</strong> women’s roles. ECONOMIC ABUSE: Preventing her from getting or keeping a job. Making her ask for money. Giving her an allowance. Taking her money. Not letting her know about or have access to family income. commit suicide, or report her to welfare. Making her drop charges. Making VIOLENCE her do illegal things. POWER AND CONTROL USING CHILDREN: Making her feel guilty about the children. Using the children to relay messages. Using visitation to harass her. Threatening to take the children away. VIOLENCE Developed by: <strong>Domestic</strong> Abuse Intervention Project 202 East Superior Street Duluth, MN 55802 218.722.2781 www.duluth-model.org Used with permission sexual INTIMIDATION: Making her afraid by using looks, actions, <strong>and</strong> gestures. Smashing things. Destroying her property. Abusing pets. Displaying EMOTIONAL weapons. ABUSE: MINIMIZING, DENYING, AND BLAMING: Putting her down. Making her feel bad about herself. Calling her names. Making her think she’s crazy. Playing mind games. Humiliating her. Making her feel guilty. ISOLATION: Making light of the abuse <strong>and</strong> not taking her concerns about it seriously. Saying the abuse didn’t happen. Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior. Saying she caused it. Controlling what she does, who she sees <strong>and</strong> talks to, what she reads, <strong>and</strong> where she goes. Limiting her outside involvement. Using jealousy to justify actions. sexual 31
Advocacy Wheel EMPOWERMENT PROMOTE ACCESS TO COMMUNITY SERVICES… Know the resources in your community. Is there a hotline or a shelter for battered women? HELP HER PLAN FOR FUTURE SAFETY... What has she tried in the past to keep herself safe? Is it working? Does she have a place to go if she needs to escape? RESPECT CONFIDENTIALITY... All discussion must occur in private, without other family members present. This is essential to building trust <strong>and</strong> ensuring her safety. ADVOCACY RESPECT HER AUTONOMY... Respect her right to make decisions in her own life, when she is ready. She is the expert on her own life. BELIEVE AND VALIDATE HER EXPERIENCES... Listen to her <strong>and</strong> believe her. Acknowledge her feelings <strong>and</strong> let her know she is not alone: Many women have similar experiences. ACKNOWLEDGE THE INJUSTICE... The violence perpetrated against her is not her fault. No one deserves to be abused. EMPOWERMENT Adapted from: <strong>Domestic</strong> Abuse Intervention Project 202 East Superior Street Duluth, MN 55802 218.722.2781 www.duluth-model.org Used with permission 32
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Through Their Eyes: Domestic Violence and It's Impact on Children

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