TRIADOPTION ® Library, Inc. - CA ~ Pg 369-480

A
Twelve-Year Old Who Intends
To Find His Natural Parents
9
How Do You Parent This Adoptive Child - - .
I
By Diane Robie, adoptive mother.
When we realized that' these questioris were Who deserves the guilt? The adoptive
never going to end, we had a very uneasy child who wonders about the people responfeeling
inside us. We had been told by the sible for his/her existence? How can we tell
adoption agency to answer questions honestly, Frank to stop wondering? Should we tell him
but what does one do when there are not to "forget i t"? ... We have a respons i bi 1 i t
answers? We do not know what she 1 ooks li ke, to Frank as his parents and as human beings:
or if she is happy today. We had also been Part of that responsi bi1 i ty is respect:
told by the agency, had read. in various books, respect for his feelings, respect for the
and been told by other adoptive parents that perfectly natural human trait of curiosity,
a we1 1-ad justed, 11appy , adoptive chi 1 d does and respect for his heritage. None of these
not want to ever see or be with his/her things can be denied. To do that would be
natural parents. .We were told that if we did poor parenting, and we will not be a part
a good job of parenting, he would not be of that. Nor wi 11 we take on any qui:l.t. The
wondering about any other parents but us. better we parent this adoptive child, the
We11 , if this was the case, then what was better he will be able to handle 1 this
wrong? Frank is wkll-adjusted, and we are curiosity. He has a right to wonder, and
good parents .... but here's the catch: we will not deny him this; we respect it.
...
We always had wondered ourselves how she was -
... , because we knew that she was missing
So, the decision has been made: we will
a very important part of her life. From
help Frank with his curiosity; we will
there, we went to: It really is a shame that
respect the necessity for this subject to .
we can't, at least, call her to tell her be discussed openly; and we will verbalize
about that art prize he won, how we11 he our curiosity with him. I remind Frank that
swims, his sense of humor, etc. ... She I have a few questions I would 1 i ke answered
contributed to these abilities, she deserves
regarding the he intends to make for
that recognition and we know that she would his natural mother, and that is I want to .,
be very proud of HER SON.
knw who in his natural family has the
artistic ability, because I knw that he did
After volunteering to write about the not acquire this in his environment with us;
curiosity the adoptive child has about his/ Frank's father wants to know where the undyher
natural parents, I realized how difficult ing interest in reptiles comes from.
it was going to be in such limited space.
Where can I begin when I know there is no We asked to parent a chi ld 'because as
beginning. There was never a time when Frank responsible adults we had a right to, and as
did not wonder about his natural parents, human beings, we do not have the right to
especially his mother. What does she look ask another human being to forget his
like? I wonder what she is doing now? Why did heritage. Someone is wondering why all this
she give me up? Is she happy today? Wi 11 she doesn't upset us? All I can say is that we
be a1 ive when I'm eighteen and can look for don't understand why it should upset us, and
her? W i l l I find her? . .. because of this, it doesn't.