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citizens in identifying which strategies
will work for specific communities—
strategies for engaging both men and
women to take a stand against violence.
We are identifying new ways of
working together to provide services to
intact families in their communities—to
transform our services for families and
communities.
An exciting project we are developing
together is called “Supporting Boys
from Safe Passage House.” This pilot
program will send MRC staff members
into Safe Passage’s domestic violence
shelter to provide services for boys
currently or formerly residing there.
This project recognizes that for the sons
of women who are survivors of domestic
violence, the journey to healthy
manhood is bound to be especially
difficult.
Boys whose mothers flee abuse with
their children and take refuge in a battered
women’s shelter may have scant
opportunity for positive experiences
with men. The behavior the boys have
witnessed—usually, their dads abusing
their moms—reflects the worst aspects
of men’s socialization: too many men
act violently, in part to mask their own
hurt, fear, and confusion. These boys
are vulnerable and at significant risk.
Our project is an attempt to reflect
and model positive male behavior and
relationships with men, so that these
precious boys will grow up to be loving,
nurturing partners and fathers
themselves.
In the end, it’s such a simple question
with an obvious answer: Aren’t
we stronger and more effective working
together? Isn’t the community better
and more holistically served when
men and women unite against abuse?
Absolutely. We are truly excited about
working closely with our allies and
friends at the Men’s Resource Center for
Change—and with men, women, and
families—to create a community where
violence is not the answer. VM
10 Ways Men Can Challenge Domestic Violence
1.
Challenging domestic violence starts with ourselves. We need
to honestly examine our own attitudes and actions that
perpetuate sexism and violence and work toward changing them.
2.
Be honest. Expect to make mistakes.
3.
Create support systems with other men who are willing to
examine these issues.
4.
Think individually and with other men about the components
of a healthy relationship.
5.
Think individually and with other men about what it means
to be “masculine.” How do we expand that definition to
include a greater range of human experience?
6.
Read about and learn from others about domestic violence.
Remember: it is not about anger, it is about power and
control. It is about fear and involves more than
physical and verbal abuse.
7.
Ask other men specifically about their behaviors, particularly
if you have any reason to suspect violence. Help them define
those actions and attitudes as dangerous, let them
know that you do not support and will not tolerate
any behaviors that demean women or Are abusive.
Try to find ways to do this that connect you to the
person in a caring, direct manner.
8.
Remember that anytime someone makes a sexist comment
or refers uncritically to violence against women and
no one says anything about it—they are essentially
condoning the comment.
9.
Volunteer your time or donate money to organizations
that work to end domestic violence.
10.
Get involved. Discuss, educate, organize.
Marian Kent is the executive director
of Safe Passage, the battered women’s
agency serving Hampshire County,
Massachusetts.
—Russell Bradbury Carlin, Director, Moving Forward program, Men’s Resource Center for Change.
Adapted from “How Men Can Challenge Rape” by Tom Schiff.
FALL 2005 •
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