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DOUBLE PLAY Gabe and Lisa Kapler Take the Field Against Domestic Violence • Voice Male BY ROB OKUN G abe Kapler has been saying no to domestic abuse for a long time. Taking that stance, the Boston Red Sox outfielder says, was a natural outgrowth of the values he was raised with by activist parents in Los Angeles. Earlier this year he put his beliefs into practice, establishing a foundation committed to supporting victims of domestic violence and modeling for boys a healthy brand of masculinity. He is committed to seeing the foundation’s vision grow. Followers of baseball probably know that in mid-September, in the thick of the American League East pennant race, Gabe ruptured his left Achilles tendon rounding second base in a tie game against Toronto. His season ended abruptly. While he returned home to Los Angeles for surgery and recuperation, his injury has not sidelined him from pursuing his commitment to the mission of the foundation that bears his name. Projects the Kapler Foundation is currently supporting include procuring playground equipment and additional childcare for a Los Angeles battered women’s shelter and piloting a collaboration between a Massachusetts shelter, Safe Passage of Northampton, and the Men’s Resource Center for Change, publisher of Voice Male. “The grant,” foundation co-founder and administrator Judy Kapler says, “will allow men from the Men’s Resource Center to serve as positive role models, spending time with boys in the shelter who have witnessed or experienced domestic abuse. We want to facilitate all children growing up with healthy ideas about men.” Judy Kapler, who is Gabe’s mother, holds a master’s degree in child development and has been teaching, directing, counseling, and advocating for children for a quarter century. (See sidebar, page 17, and www. kaplerfoundation.org.) Gabe Kapler began to seriously think about the issue of dating violence when he was a senior in high school and had begun dating his future wife, Lisa. They were both 17. With great difficulty, Lisa had recently extricated herself from a relationship in which she’d been physically and emotionally abused by an older student. Meeting Gabe, a star on the school’s baseball team, was eye-opening, she recalled. Even though she was vulnerable and in the early stages of recovering from her ordeal, she recognized that Gabe represented “a role model for what a healthy relationship could be.” Lisa and Gabe married in 1999 and have two sons, ages three and six. They live in Los Angeles, but during the season lead a baseball family’s nomadic life. Since becoming a major leaguer, Gabe has played for the Detroit Tigers, Texas Rangers, and Colorado Rockies. He was traded to the Red Sox halfway through the 2003 season. Gabe was in right field when Boston recorded the final out against the St. Louis Cardinals last season to win the World Series for the first time in 86 years. He started the 2005 season as the center fielder on the Yomiuri Giants in Japan but was unhappy there. He was able to return to the Red Sox at the end of July, playing frequently until he was injured. The idea for the Kapler Foundation, something Gabe and Lisa had been considering, got a jump start in June 2004 when the Red Sox Wives were preparing a “Picnic in the Park,” an annual event raising money for a non-profit organization and the Red Sox Foundation. When Lisa Photo courtesy of Gabe and Lisa Kapler 8
tery charges. They ordered him to attend anger management classes and let him go at the end of the season (see Voice Male Fall 1997). More recently, Northeastern University’s Center for the Study of Sport in Society began offering their Mentors in Violence Prevention program (MVP) to Sox minor league players, an effort piloted last March at the club’s spring training headquarters in Fort Meyers, Florida. MVP teaches strategies players can employ to handle challenging social situations without resorting to violence. The New England Patriots have been using the program for more than seven years. When people ask me “What can I do to help?” I say, if you have children, teach them—just set a good example. That’s more important than anything else— having a good relationship with your spouse in front of your child. Peter Roby, the center’s executive director, cited Lisa’s story and Gabe’s role in her healing when he approached the Red Sox about working with MVP. “That was a perfect example of how guys, sensitive and loving, can change lives,” he told The Boston Globe’s Gordon Edes. “She was in a relationship that was bad, she met [Gabe], and he helped to turn her whole life around.” To find out more about his views on masculinity and the new foundation, among other questions, I interviewed Gabe Kapler just after Labor Day, before he headed to Fenway Park to prepare for a game. Can you talk about what you see as the responsibility of athletes to speak out against domestic violence? Pro athletes have a responsibility, regardless of the cause, to help people in less fortunate situations than they are in, whether financially, donating time, giving autographs, whatever. There are many important causes—domestic violence just happened to hit home with my family. It’s learned that the recipient organization was Jane Doe, Inc., the Massachusetts coalition of battered women’s shelters and sexual assault prevention centers, she decided the moment had arrived to share her secret. Prior to the picnic, a representative from Jane Doe met with the wives at Fenway Park. During the meeting the Jane Doe official caught everyone off guard, revealing that one of their own had been a victim of dating violence. That was Lisa’s cue. It was the first step in telling her story. She didn’t offer details then, a story in The Boston Globe published last summer reported. But as she thought about it more she felt a strong pull to go public. Lisa says she wanted to show “that this can happen to a girl from a suburban family with two parents.” Popular, a member of the high school drill team, a student with good friends and good grades, she says she “was raised by a mom and stepfather who were loving with each other. I never witnessed abuse of any kind.” At the picnic I met Lisa and described the work of the MRC, including giving her a video about the organization. After going home and watching the tape, Lisa says she was excited about the center’s work. Five days later she and her two young sons drove out from Boston to visit the MRC. “When I first started to speak out I was aware that I didn’t have any information about what men were doing to challenge domestic violence,” Lisa said recently. “I knew there was something missing. When I watched the video and met with the folks at the MRC, I knew I had another important piece of the puzzle. Gabe and I have been really glad to be collaborating with the MRC.” That collaboration has included Gabe and Lisa’s sponsorship two years in a row of the MRC’s annual Men’s Walk to End Abuse, including facilitating publicity for the walk on radio and television broadcasts of Red Sox games, as well as postings on the video message center that hovers above the Fenway Park outfield. For its part, the Boston Red Sox, along with its many involvements in the local community and with groups around New England, has found a place for continuing to pay attention to the domestic violence issue. The Sox had to deal with the issue in 1997, when former outfielder Wil Cordero was arrested on domestic assault and batan incredible platform for me as a positive role model, presenting myself as a male who is a strong advocate of having a healthy relationship. What was it in your makeup in high school that led you to respond the way you did when you met Lisa and learned about her previous abusive relationship? It’s tough because there are so many facets. I had two parents who have open communication in their relationship. Like anyone, their relationship may not have been perfect. But there was never any lack of verbal communication—that was always present in our house. I noticed with Lisa that was a hurdle early in our relationship. I knew the relationship she had prior to me was a violent one, and that she was a little bit violent herself. I think that was an eye-opening experience for me. I had parents who would not let emotions simmer, they got everything out right away. I watched that as a child growing up. From what I saw it was always verbal, and more times than not in an effort to resolve an issue they would use words rather than being abusive. A year and a half ago came the Picnic in the Park, and Lisa began speaking out. How do you feel about what she’s doing, about her voice as an empowered woman and the road she’s been traveling? I think it’s great that she has the courage to tell her story. Because she is very charismatic—when she speaks, people listen. She has that gift. It was so important for her to tell her story. She was always very emotional about it, which is great. It’s powerful—the sadness, anger, emotion coming in, telling her story to teenage girls or whoever may be listening. I think we both realize that it’s our responsibility to be able to share, not only financially, but to have a hands-on experience with it, which becomes so rewarding. It makes our lives better. Talk about the idea of organizing the Gabe Kapler Foundation. We had talked many times over the course of the last three or four years about how we could contribute financially, kicking around the idea of working with several continued on page 16 FALL 2005 • 9
Page 1 and 2: New Visions of Manhood Voice Male T
Page 3 and 4: Table of Contents Features Double P
Page 5 and 6: Men @ Work A Blog for the “Uncomm
Page 7: Ultimately, sexual violence can be
Page 11 and 12: citizens in identifying which strat
Page 13 and 14: Saying Yes to Nonviolence I am a ma
Page 15 and 16: lift his hand to the height of his
Page 17 and 18: Red Sox and Yankees Agree: Let's St
Page 19 and 20: For more info or to submit new entr
Page 21 and 22: Take Yourself in Hand! How to Do a
Page 23 and 24: me to be any more (or less) subserv
Page 25 and 26: Location: Detroit Marriott at the R
Page 27 and 28: Men’s Resource Center for Change

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