2015 Volume Two

mentioned it.
Today, the topic between
married couples has become
almost distasteful for some. It is
the attitude of if he’s horny and
I’m not, he should respect my
feelings and please himself. It
is not my place to take care of
his incessant needs. He should
respect your desire that you don’t
want to have sex, but as his wife,
you need to fulfi ll his needs too.
If you feel the scales in terms of
equality are not balanced, then
you need to communicate your
thoughts to him lovingly because
in most men’s minds, if you
aren’t indicating that there is a
problem, they think everything is
going great.
You are to blame, though. If
he doesn’t hear otherwise, how
is he to know what’s going on?
Men are oblivious to “subtle”
cues, unlike women. They are
more logical problem solvers
than emotional readers. You
need to speak male to be heard.
He’s just wired that way.
The irony is that when it comes
to sex, it’s racier outside of
marriage and steamer than it
is inside of marriage where it
belongs. Maybe it’s the thought
of doing something “naughty”
or “forbidden” that generates
excitement. It could also be that
with increased responsibilities,
life, the pressures of life,
fi nancial and career woes, and
children that many spouses just
don’t make time for each other
anymore. They aren’t focused
on one another. When they
do come together, they are so
exhausted that all they give each
other are scraps.
A woman’s initial reaction to
being told that they should fulfi ll
their husband’s sexual needs (as
he should yours) is indignation. I
admittedly had the same reaction
myself when confronted with this
truth. My internal conversation
was something like: “Why should
I be expected to “put out” when
I don’t want to? Sex should be
a mutual thing and would it hurt
him to be a bit more romantic
and a little less ‘wham, bam,
thank-you ma’am?”
In a way, it is humorous- our
thought process- however the
feelings behind them are real.
Women don’t want to feel like
a possession to their spouse.
They want to be romanced
and pursued- that’s why we
like romance novels and sappy
movies! It seems unfair to us to
be told that we have to meet our
husband’s sexual need when
ours need for romance goes
neglected. We don’t get aroused
at the drop of a hat- it takes time.
Why do men seemingly get what
they want?
Yet there are two sides to
this argument and the truth is
somewhere in the middle.
The reality is that you could be
unintentionally damaging your
relationship. Men need sex to
feel love, and women need love
to have sex. The relationship is
wonderfully intertwined, and if a
husband loves his wife, he will
not mind romancing her a bit.
Most men, however, think that
romance is expensive so they
shy away from it. Wives, you
may have to give him some costeffective
solutions.
When one side of this dynamic
fails, however, the result is
rejection- especially for a male.
Men will only suffer this type of
rejection for a short time before
they become tempted- and