2015 Volume Two

ut the women do the subtle, or passive pursuing.
In my opinion, both should be discussing the
merits of the relationship before they decide they
want to pursue marriage. After they have made a
commitment to pursue marriage, then there is room
for more romance. But even then, the romantic
setting is always a springboard for building a
real and lasting relationship. Men should pursue
someone with whom they have determined to have
a good foundation for a long-term relationship,
especially after marriage; someone they can serve,
and someone who also serves him and others. In
order for you to fi nd a good wife (or husband for
the woman), that potential spouse must somehow
catch your attention.
But what are they pursuing? Is it only romantic
notions of a knight in shining armor, or a beautiful
damsel in distress? Or is there more to it than
that? The Dictionary defi nes ‘romance’ as “the
display or expression of love or strong affection.”
(Dictionary.com, 2015) I believe there is more to
it than that. The motivation for pursuit should be
love. However, ‘love’ is a much-overused word that
is bandied about very liberally today, and needs
to be refocused when it comes to relationships.
Romance makes the relationship exciting, but
there needs to be a foundation based on more than
infatuation and attraction. There needs to be an
understanding of the dynamic of the relationship.
Love serves, just as the Father in Heaven serves
us, and Jesus came to this earth “…not come to be
served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom
for many.” (Mark 10:45). Love that only serves
selfi sh desire and demands will die on the vines
before it even starts. Romantic gestures are born
out of a desire to serve, and foster trust and comfort
in the one being romanced. It is a selfl ess gesture
that is for the good of the romanced. Its motivation
is not for the gain of the pursuer, but for the best
interests of the one pursued. Paul expresses this
notion of ‘true love’ in Philippians: “…having the
same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.
Do nothing out of selfi sh ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
not looking to your own interests but each of you
to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:2-4).
The purpose of the romantic pursuit is to be sure
you both are one in spirit and mind, i.e. have the
same values, and are both serving God in your
relationship.
The problem in most relationships is that we base
them on the idea of fi nding our ‘soul mate,’ and
idea originated by Plato in ancient Greece. Gary
Thomas decides to take this one step further,
and says we need to search for a ‘sole mate,’ i.e.
someone who partakes of biblical love with us. He
says, “The most accurate defi nition of true love
is found in John 15:13 (NASB): ‘Greater love has
no one than this, that one lay down his life for his
friends.’ He goes on to say that biblical love is not
based on feelings but on sacrifi ce. In the Bible,
men are called to “…act like martyrs towards their
wives, laying down their lives on their wives’ behalf.
(Ephesians 5:25).” Such love cannot be based only
on emotion, but rather a commitment we choose
to keep. It is not based on the worthiness of the
one we love, but on the worthiness of the One who
calls us to love: “We love because He fi rst loved
us” (1 John 4:19) (Thomas, 2005)
Why should men pursue women?
As I said, women appreciate being pursued: it
makes them feel valued and special. If they are
truly precious to the men pursing them, wise men
will always make them feel valued, precious, and
special. Being romantic is something that women
appreciate more than men, so as a general
rule, men should ‘romance’ the woman they are
interested in. It will show that they are in earnest
about pursuing her. This should continue after