2015 Volume Two

or wrinkle or any such thing, that
she might be holy and without
blemish” (ESV). What does this
mean? It means that the number
one person responsible for the
sanctifi cation of the wife is the
husband. It is not the pastor
or some Bible teacher. It is the
husband. It is a responsibility that
calls the husband to evaluate his
God-given role and ask himself
some hard questions: Do I care
about my wife’s prayer life and
her devotional life? Do I know
what her prayer life is like?
When was the last time I took
the initiative to pray with her?
Do I know what she’s studying
in the Bible? Do I know what
her spiritual gifts are and is she
utilizing them?
Furthermore, the responsibility
of sanctifying his wife calls the
husband to above all pursue
Jesus. Before all else, husbands
must focus on their relationship
with Jesus, not their wife’s
relationship with Jesus. This
means the husband must focus
on his prayer life and focus on
his heart. When his relationship
with Jesus is real and genuine,
and not out of obligation or duty,
then the wife will follow suit. So
the husband should himself have
a fervent and devoted prayer life,
and then go pray with his wife.
Likewise, he should spend time
in God’s Word, and then read
Scripture with his wife.
There are many spiritual widows
in the world. Husbands are with
their wives physically, but they’re
alone spiritually. This shouldn’t
be the case. Scripture is very
clear when calling husbands
to love their wives the way
Christ loves the church: to give
themselves up for her, so that
they may sanctify her. Hence,
it is spiritually critical that the
husband engages in his wife’s
walk with Jesus, while he himself
pursues Jesus above all else.
Thirdly, men need to connect
with their wives emotionally.
This means husbands need to
spend quality time, as opposed
to quantity time, with their wives.
In other words, husbands must
have face-to-face time with their
wives. They need to open up
to their wives, encourage their
wives to open up to them, and
then try their best to not “fi x”
them. Face-to-face time is not
about husbands coming to the
rescue of their wives concerning
all of their problems. Rather, it’s
about real, authentic, one-onone
time about life, family, and
anything and everything else
the husband and wife want to
discuss.
Likewise, a great
way for the husband
to connect with his
wife emotionally and
meet the deep needs
of her heart is to fi nd
the way she receives
love and do it. There
is an excellent book
called The Five Love
Languages, which
addresses how everybody gives
and receives love in one of fi ve
ways.
1. Acts of Service
2. Gifts
3. Physical Touch
4. Words of Affirmation
5. Quality Time
For me, I primarily receive love
through quality time and words of
affi rmation. When my husband
sends me a text throughout the
day, writes me a note or gives me
a card, I feel very much loved.
Likewise, when my husband puts
his phone down, turns off the TV,
gives me his undivided attention
and is present with me, it really
ministers to my heart.
So it is important that the
husband learns the way his wife
receives love, and goes and
loves her that way.
Lastly, husbands need to pursue
their wives physically. Men
shouldn’t have to be encouraged
here, right? Wrong! Many
marriages are failing in this area
as husbands and wives resort
to being roommates, instead of
one another’s beloved (Song
of Sol. 5:6, ESV). Returning to
the last point, husbands need
to pursue their wives face-toface
- both emotionally and
physically. Moreover, when
husbands pursue their wives
emotionally and spiritually, that
often sets the stage for intimacy
in the bedroom. But husbands
must not forget that it starts with
Jesus. It is all about Him. Sex is
a gift from God, and when used
in the right context, it can be the
most joyful experience and gift in
marriage.